These A are devasting not to just the BS but also to the WS.

It changes them and not for the good. They think different, change physically and lose their spiritual compass.

One of the most poignant analogies is comparing Pinocchio (WS) going to Pleasure Island (OW)

To the WS, Pleasure Island is a special place...but really it is a cursed amusement park. The Coachman (alias Satan) brings all the boys into the park so they could live out their dreams (bad behavior)

On the surface, Pleasure Island (OW) seems to be heavan on earth to act out all of their fantasties and vices freely available for the asking.

After being on Pleasure Island awhile Pinocchio (WS) thinks they can have this last forever even though the experience starts to slightly dim in a short time.

Then the transformation starts.

Pleasure Island is truly cursed and Pinocchio (WS) starts to change in the way he is acting...a jacka$$ of himself. Pinocchio realizes that is turning into a real donkey with a human mind. The other boys on the island that have slipped even farther than he has are full blown donkeys that can no longer express themselves and just braying loudly making no sense. These (Ws) donkeys lose all of their possessions, their self and even their clothes.

If they do not escape this fate then the Coachmen (Satan) will put them all in crates and they are sold into slavery in the salt mines (hell).

Their own actions are their own destruction. They look in the mirror and even they don't know what they have become.

And Pleaure Island (Ow) they are still waiting for their next group of WS.



Moral of the story..Next time you call your WH an A## -- he really is.

Blessings.

This is a very good analogy Hope. But my WH is not as smart as Pinocchio and does not know that he is a piece of wood turning into an a$$.
He thinks he is a free man in love with his girlfriend.
No worries.

He is like Pinocchios friends who turn into a total donkey. No way to look back. The transformation for him is almost complete.
blessing

Hi all,
we are closing on the house at the end of the month. WH is finally getting stuff together or so it seems.
As the house sale will pretty much end any need for us to be in touch in the future I thought it might be good for me to send an email message to WH and tell him the following.
I know it sounds crazy, but I am at a stage now, spiritually, where this could take a big burden from my heart.
Dear WH,
I forgive everything you have done and the way you decided to end our marriage. I can't hide that I miss my family as a unit, tremendously, but that I have to respect the choices of others. I, in no way or form hate you or wish you ill. I feel it is important for me to tell you this.
You choose a different path and decided to abandon your family and this decision must be of some advantage to you.
Things happen for a reason.
Wishing you the best of everything and want to be at peace with you.
Athena

I feel better already.
and I rally do not care what he will think of me. Door-mat??
blessing

Atena,

I can't imagine why you would want to write that you "forgive" and "respect" the decision of your WH for his adultery and abandonment of his family. On the one hand, I do understand the spiritual need you might have to forgive him, meaning letting him off the hook. But to tell him he has forgiveness when he has neither asked for it nor earned it, well...I just can't imagine going there. JMHO. I also could never imagining telling anyone, much less my own WH, that I "respect" his choice. It's a sad and terrible choice he made that one day he will have to answer for.

But I think you're wise to be able to move on in your own mind.

51CD, yes he has not asked for forgiveness and he genuinly does not think he is doing anything wrong. Jesus said "Forgive them as they know not what they are doing"
I think this sentence fits the WS perfectly. They have no clue and they act at the level of their awareness. They could not act anyway differently but the way they do. Otherwise they would.
Blessing

Hi all,
just an update to let you know that the house sold and that I am leaving for the States on Fri.
I will spend all summer there looking for a job.
My WH, just a few days ago let me know thru my SIL that he would like to at least be able to say Hi to me when he sees me at work or meets me in town and that he really hopes I am doing well.
I told my SIL to please not give me any messages about him and she said that she was hoping for us to just be able to be civil with eachother and that maybe that also meant that he is not doing well with OW.
However, it has been almost 2 years since our separation and today, as I was picking up my mail from the new owners of the house we just sold the wife told me that she is really shocked to see my WH visiting the OW regularly and she said she did not realize that our split was due to that situation and that she apologizes for not understanding why I was so adamant about wanting NC with WH.
SO I gathered that he is still actively seeing OW (still not living with her).
So folks, at this point, after almost 2 years can i say with confidence that this M is over and that the A is among the 5% that last more than 2 years?
Can I attribute the long life of the A to the fact that they do not live together or to the very strong feeling of love between the APs?
Can the passion and "love" still be there after this long and after the A has been brought to the light of day for 2 years now?
The excitement of sneaking and hiding is no longer there....but how can the passion be sustained for so long???
I guess I just need to know all this to be at peace.
Still puzzled.
Blessing

Atena, if I were to make an educated guess, I would say the reason the affair has gone on so long is because the reasons that most affairs end: deceit, thoughtlessness, selfishness, are not impediments to your husband. After all, that is part and parcel of his character. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if you found out he has OTHER OW too. What would there be to stop him? Nothing..


And you will never have peace about this, that is a pipe dream. The best thing you can do is start living your life to the fullest, divorce him and try NOT to think about. The more you think and talk about it, the more triggered you will be. THE LESS PEACE YOU WILL HAVE.

Are you still planning on filing for divorce while you are here this summer? Any chance you are coming my way??

That is like trying to be "civil" with your rapist. Being in touch with him only makes him feel better about the harm he caused to you; it assuages his guilt. But it keeps you triggered and in pain. I hope you told her to tell him to go straight to hell. If you want me to, I will be GLAD to pass that message along.

btw, I saw your son's picture on your fb page. What a handsome devil!!

Hi Melody, thank you for you offer to send him a message, but no, I do not want to have anything to do with him anymore.
Actually, should he ever send you anything do not even pass it to me. I doubt he will, but should he,.., just leave it unanswered.
I am done with him. We have no need to communicate any longer. The house is sold.
If my son has anything to tell me he will call me directly (yes he is handsome, thank you he also looks like me a little!!!!)
So I will get him out of my life and as far as my SIL goes she got the message loud and clear from me. It is not a matter of "time heals all wounds". I told her that even if I get re-married I will still not talk to WH. It is for life.
As far as D goes, now I have time to investigate and will once there.
I will not make it to your area but if I move back I will make it a priority to visit you soon!!!
Hugs and blessing

Atena!
Hope you find an awesome job and network of true friends with the move!
Best wishes for deep love and joy for you!

Atena, so you are making the rounds in the USA. What area are you concentrating on?

Hopefully you will find a great position in your area of concentration.

It will do wonders for you leaving for the summer. Out of site, out of mind...truly.

We will never have an answer for their craziness because who understands true insanity.

Blessings. keep us posted.

I would so love to have you!! I have a nice big guestroom for you.

That's so true and you are always dot on Melody. Also, he would not really be bothered if OW did that to him (cheat, etc..) it would not really effect him that much.
Yes, he could easily have other OW, who is there to check on him? He lives on his own and has tons of female friends (he was in a sports team, probably still is, with tons of female athletes...)



Dot on here too!! I spend the last 2 days talking about the whole A history to 2 good friends (one from TX) I had not seen in 2 years. One stayed at my house yesterday and the other I saw today at lunch.
I guess all that talk triggered me quite a bit.
I guess at this point it is ok to tell people that I do not feel it is important to talk about it.
But sometimes friends want to know in order to understand better what you went thru.
In true Texas style! I would love it!!!
Blessing

I will even make you some nice eye-talian food!!

Chef BoyarMel!

Ok, maybe we should make a deal now that if I come to visit I am in charge of the eye-talian food.
But I crave Tex-Mex so....you are out of luck with Chef BoyarMel!

you got a deal!

My area is education and I looking into California.

You are right, there is no rhyme or reason to their actions. I guess they have to hurt themselves (and us) but ultimately we will recover but they will still have to live with themselves. Hopefully when the sh$t hits the fan they will feel the hurt and grow into better people. I always think life make you take dumb choices so you can learn from them
I leaned a lot thru this experience. I know, I would have preferred another way, but I know I have a lot more depth as a human being thanks to the pain and growth I had to go thru.
I wish all WS growth and dept. May they learn from the inevitable consequences of their action (pain) and grow into better humans.

Melody deal
You cook the Teeex-Meeiks and I do the eye-Talian.

Atena, good to hear from you. You will be GREAT. Don't forget, Mel makes BBQ. And since it's in Texas, it should be authentic.

I am in the state you stated.
lol

Oh, ya, BBQ!!! I am meat!
Meaning I love it. Not that I want to be BBQed by Mel (only on the forum, that's ok).