AEK1,

Three times per week for SF is not a surprise. Quite often, some hysterical bonding takes place for a period of time during the recovery from infidelity. A couple may make love many times per week, even a couple of times per day at times, as an instinctive way to reconnect and form an emotional bond with each other.

However, even if three times per week is your H's normal, look at it as a great opportunity for you to deposit love units in your husband's love bank. And it's pretty nice for you, too. The more I meet my H's need for SF, the more affectionate he is with me. It's a way to rebuild your romantic love for each other. Take joy in it.

POJA honey, if thats too much for you then offer what you think you can manage, besides there are other ways, a HJ, a massage, a sexy striptease....be creative but POJA!

O&H too, talk to him, explain how you feel. He has a responsibility too.

Hugs

I should have asked....is SF mutually satisfying? We've been married a long while, and I had to learn what it took for my husband to please me. Then I had to share that information with him. We experiment, play, and enjoy. If I did not enjoy SF with my H, hmmm....well, we'd have to work on that, for sure. And perhaps it's something you two might consider.

Tanam has some great ideas to include in SF.

My WW and the OM finally had a nasty "break-up" after 6 months of hell. They did break it off once, but it was done "gently" so the OM could work on his marriage. Then 2 months later after the OM had struggles with his marriage, he gave up and met up with my WW again. She told me she just had to see if it would work out. The next day he bailed and left to go be with his wife again (she wants nothing to do with him now). My wife hit rock bottom but is now trying to be nice to me. She said she still needs to work on herself because she's too stressed and depressed with the affair, loss of friends, and losing her job. She's leaving to see her cousin for 3 weeks ( I confirmed this). But I'm still not confident she's over the OM. How will I know?

Still, please post this on your own thread so AEK's doesn't get t/j'ed.

Have you always felt this way or is it something you are struggling with post A?

I felt this way too when I first found out how much SF my H needs, But once I started being open and honest about the kind of SF I like (and my H started doing those things) I started wanting it even more than him.

This is a time to have fun and be creative with each other. Don't be afraid to tell him what you really like, no matter how kinky or weird or boring it may seem. You may be surprised how much you can enjoy it.

and besides he should be doing all the things to satisfy YOU, not him, after all, ladies first hunny!!

Make sure you talk about what you like, find out what he likes, it may be quite a surprise to him that you actually want to talk about it, especially if it's never been very high on the agenda.

Have a bath/shower together, all that slippy soap........

It's also important that he waits till you are 'ready'..... bit of lube is invaluable too!!

How come nobody is replying? Where have you all gone? Things are so my h better....

3 Times a week used to be a dream to me. However, part of that was driven by the fact that SF was one of the few needs I could depend on being met... However, the S was occurring without the F.

Why? Because FWW did not recognize it as an EN (her words). It was compartmentalized.

Early in recovery, I did a lot of searching for ways to build more intimacy in SF. Though I had seen it performed and read the book, I ended up watching The Vagina Monologues again. Particularly, "Because he liked to look at it."

The segment is on Youtube. That was my guide for one night, one moment which allowed, for once, my wife to see herself through my eyes. Since then, the F is fully present in SF, and it's not me keeping 3+ times a week going. In fact, I'm so satisfied with how things are, she reminds me if we go more than 2 days without; "There WILL be SF tonight!"

Just food for thought.

AEK1,

I hope that didn't sound sarcastic or insincere...but it was an honest question. Are mind games of the A holding you back? Is there something H is or is not doing that is holding you back? Are you feeling safe?

This is an important part of bonding with your H.

For me personally, just having DH do nice affectionate things like waiting for me to catch up so that he can hold my hand is a huge turn on.

What do you think is missing in your situation?

Nothing missing but I just don't need sex 3 times a week... Is there something wrong with me?
He is trying really hard which is great. The A still bothers me. I get flashbacks although I know he is committed. I just don't want sex 3 times a week but this is his need. I am worried that if I don't meet this need I will loose him.

I want to make love but then i think how bad he has been to me, how much he has lied and how he slept with my best friend... It's a bit of a turn off.... How do I keep focused forward? When will I feel more sexy? When we have sex it's good; I just don't want it as often as him?

Is he being affectionate towards you? You may need more affection from him in order to feel more sexual. Tell him what you need or would like to try.

The Memories of the A will continue for a long time. try to refocus your thoughts on something else when they pop into your mind. I usually picture a stop sign and then try to think of a good recent memory of my H.

Hi AEK1!!

I think 3 times a week is pretty much par for the course for a man. He should be making sure it is enjoyable for you as well. If he is meeting your needs, 3 times a week won't seem such a big deal. When you are in love it's natural. The goal of MB is for you to build romantic love in your marriage. As you do this, the bad memories fade and meeting needs is easier.

But you must remember this takes a lot of time - your feelings right now are to be expected.

Have you considered the online program to help you both rebuild romantic love?

AEK1 if you don't keep posting, don't be asking why no one is giving you any attention OK!

Have considered flying to US as well as on line programme. Things are heading in the right direction. Your advice and help has bee
Invaluable. Count down til end of school year. Thank god.

How did the Polygraph go?

All clear.... Wouldn't still be with him otherwise.
The OW is still creeping in to my thoughts. I hate that.

AEK, the online programme replaced the "flying to US" programme.

I would have flown there too, but the face-to-face weekend seminar has been discontinued and replaced with online video presentations.