I will try to be brief, but probably can't, so apologies up front.

Palm Sunday of this year I found two text messages from my Hubby to an OW stating how much he loved and wanted her. I set the phone, message side up, on a table and walked out. After church I heard the sort of crap it's become apparent from my looking around on here is simply par for the course-- it was this, it was that, OF COURSE he'd break it off, etc and so on, and all of it malarkey.

It was an EA, as the skank in question resides halfway across the country. He did not stop it, of course- he set up another email using a fake name, a Facebook account doing the same, and kept right at it. I caught him the second time about a month ago; he had gotten drunk and forgot to shut down the laptop, leaving up his precious second email and all the evidence right there for me... emails to her, from her, to an apartment-hunting site, and to a Catholic dating site where she was a member. The only good thing I learned that day was that skankho had been to confession and been dressed down right smart by her priest, and she apparently decided he wasnt worth going to hell for.

Because I am a [censored], I didn't kick him out. I heard a lot of high promises about how he'd rebuild my trust in him, woo me again, etc and so forth. That has all pretty much gone the way of the dodo. I am 90% certain he's now carrying on or trying to with a woman he works with. She's actually his boss. He insists they're just friends, she's having a hard time, she has self esteem issues.... out to infity with the excuses. I am just supposed to be over it. I'm supposed to be fine with all this because he's now "behaving himself."

So, what makes me think this is going on? Well, number one, tho he works I pay the bills, they're all in my name and he has texted her 97 times in the last two weeks (remember they work together). He texts her after work, before work, after I go to bed... and yet many of the texts are deleted. She has his "naughty email" account and emails him; he's given her a cute nickname and defined it on urban dictionary, he wrote her a poem for her birthday. You know what he sends me? Drunken emails and plagarized love letters. Two days ago he sent her two texts which read "Wanna wrassle?" and "I better get off here before I act bad." All nice and harmless, of course, because that's how all men talk to someone they think of like a sister. I will say, for the record, that all her texts back are polite and vague. Mayvbe she's just a better liar than he is or maybe he's stuck in the planning stages for now.

So what I need help with is 1. reasons to even fight for this, assuming what i think is true is true, and 2. ways to get out of it. I am turning our internet off. I have accesss to our phone records, but I cant see that exts once he deletes them. Is there some way to do that? I have no job and we don't own our house. How do I plan A, or plan B, when I want very desperately to plan pawn-all-his-stuff-one-day-take-the-kids-and-leave-the-state?

I do love the man, but this is intolerable. My stomach has hurt for a month straight, I think his just utter refusal to consider that he has permanently hurt me illustrates the disdain he has for me. I don't think he wants to leave me; I think he wants me to do his laundry and his dishes while he carries on with her. I think the fact that he's made me jealous excites him quite a bit, and makes him feel important. I think, even tho i love him, that I'm starting to hate him. I just am unsure what to do.

I would quietly get ironclad evidence of the affair and then do a very strategic exposure. You can install a keylogger on his computer and download mobilestealth on his phone. I think MS even has a GPS tracker.

Get the goods and then come back here and we can help you with next steps.

The computer is no longer a source of evidence. I am turning the internet off in the morning, ostensibly for economic reasons. Really I tried like the dickens to either hack his password or get keylogger on there, but the antivirus wasnt having it. Does Mobile Stealth record the contents of text messages? If they're in a PA they're doing it at work, which is 1. a foreign trade zone, thus gated and security badged and 2. gigantic and unwatched on their shift. There's no work phone or computer that leaves the place. My best bet for evidence is text messages. he seems to think if deletes it it never existed.

It is highly possible they are doing it at work. Or they may have a place they visit for lunch. Mobilestealh will record the tezt messages and there is another tool called a spystick that will retrieve ERASED text messages. Go check out the operation investigate forum.

Thanks a lot.

mobisteath records it all, is it a personal phone? you need 10 minutes with it. your hands will shake so maybe 15.

dont cut the internet yet you need to order it.

also google iepassview, it will give you all the names of emails accounts and other accounts done thu internet explorer, some passwords also.

Neither iepassview nor a keylogger would take to our computer- the antivirus software kept outing them or interfering with them. And frankly I'm not giving him one more minute of internet time to find himself a new sweetie in case this one turns him down.

I'll just order the mobistealth at my mom's and have it delivered ther, and be certain he doesn't know anything about it.

He's spinning a lovely story now about how someone at work is hacking others' cell phones and sending out fake texts under their name-- a nice pre-emptive alibi.

try desktop shark for a keylogger... my antivirus doesnt see it at all.

why not just unintall the antivirus program? you can always reinstall later.

mobistealth is for the phone, you order online, it sends a txt to phone then you have to follow the download carefully- make sure the you click install unknown apps on the droid first.

If the bills are all in your name....

You can always change the telephone service to disable texting.


Wouldn't that put a bee in his bonnet.



And a cramp in his texting thumb.



I disabled the internet feature on my daughter's phone. Somehow she lives without it. Go figure.


SB

Well, if anybody was curious I caught him. I found a copy of the poem he wrote her for her birthday and caught him lying in that bs about his phone being hacked. The poem, delightfully entitled "Night Eyes" was basically about absolutely wonderful she is and how he wishes he was married to her.

Now exposure. Here are my problems. 1, I am unemployed and carrying 30k in student loan debt, and I have 3 kids. 2, there's no evidence other than some line in that poem that there's anything being reciprocated. I have zero problem getting them both fired IF they are both in on it. She has a child too and I'd regret causing her daughter trouble (and my kids as well) because I flew off the handle. Unfortunately my W knows I know. So anyone got suggestions on how to handle this?

I am not trying to save the marriage btw. this is the 3rd time in 3 months. I just want to get my kids out as painlessly as possible.

If you're not trying to save your marriage (which is your choice and perfectly OK by everyone here, including Dr. Harley), then a lot of the above advice doesn't apply to you.

Go get a GOOD lawyer, read up on the divorce laws in your state, make a plan and get on with the business of divorce. Some of the strategies here are not necessarily in line with what you need to be doing to prepare for divorce.

For example, exposure at work is the ONLY way to break up a workplace affair and your husband must leave, but if you are definitely throwing in the towel you will want him to keep his job so that you get favorable child support and alimony awards.

Saving your marriage is about rekindling FEELINGS of romantic love. Divorce is about the business of splitting custody and assets and emotion needs to be taken out of it.

Honestly, forget about the ow. Seriously. Rarely does a man continue in an ema if it is not reciprocated. Not in most cases. You simply haven't scratched far enough below the surface.

You either wish to try to save the M or don't. Do you want to try what has worked thousands of times or wing it and probably mess things up for good where it will end in divorce?

We'll be happy to help, but you gotta get on board. MB works for those in 30k of student debt and with those who have lots.

Snoop his [censored], I'm talking phone, e-mail, voice recorder, GPS, etc. Go "all-in" and gather evidence...then see an attorney.

Divorce him.

There are millions of wonderful people out there who will not treat you like chit. Trust me, I suffered through 4OMs (that I know of) and tried and tried to save my marriage. She was what she was...and now I'm free!

Divorce him.