My FWW was just mean when she was in the A. Hang in there Sable!

CV

I disagree with the concept of an open marriage.


That term is an oxymoron. There is no such thing as a commitment to one person - a marriage - and then a lack of commitment - to be "open" and mess around with others, at the same time.

It is not possible.


What your husband wants is for YOU to stay at home, be his maid and nanny for his kids

while he is free to have sex and act like a single man.


If YOU were to go out and be "open" with other men, my guess is that he would NOT LIKE THAT IDEA AT ALL.


So much for the open marriage idea.



From my point of view, you need to leave the man, move immediately to Plan B, and if he is unwilling to save the marriage,


you are better off without him.


File for divorce if he will not meet the terms YOU place on the marriage


and made sure you get the meanest, nastiest, BEST BULLDOG ATTORNEY your HUSBAND'S MONEY can buy.



Your wayward husband deserves nothing less.


SB

Thanks all! I am in a new home and blessed to be able to afford it and have a job. Yes I do not feel lucky but sad my marriage fell apart plus realie he never loved me. However I refuse to be in a open marriage. Hubbye stated to me verbal and in email he cannot love me properly so he wants the divorce. I look back on it now and realize he never loved me at all; I was jut a nanny for the chidlren anad maid for him. His true colors slowly came there by his refusal to cuddle after love making, when I was upset he pat me on the knee instead of a hug or talking to me(regaridn work or just eveyr day stuff) he would not talk to me in the evenings at all when alone. he would not fix up the master bedroom it looked just like when he was married to last wife. He never supported me with the kids when they hurt my feeliings. I loved him but he did not love me! Also now told not to go to our old church cause I will be shunned. I will not go there but to other church I like anyway.

Now I am so depressed cause I just got a phone call from the college just joined and was asked to leave because my professor of human resources MBA class said I am not paying attention. He gave me a F grade for the class. I am so hurt and this is totally unfair. I went to every class, he did not mark my papers wrong but gave me D which I questioned. He said it because I do not pay attention. I knew from day one he did not like me and he wrote the comments on every homework "You are not paying attention and you will fail this class." I turned in every homework and attended all classes. I talked to him about it but he just ignored me and said it does not matter. Well I got a call from the academic advisor and he said I got an F and not to return to the school per the professor. I got a call from one of my claassmates and said I was on the roster for new professor but I was told not to attend the new class. I am so shocked and hurt because I truly did nothing wrong that warranted this behavior.

Again I am rejected and treated unfairly. What is going on in my life to get this reaction from everyone around me.?

Sable Venus

SV, I think you need the power of exposure quite badly. When I exposed suddenly everyone realised what was going on with me and why I hadnt been giving some things at work 100 per cent. I didnt expose to my colleagues exactly, but after I exposed to everyone in his life and everyone who is connected to us as a couple, it was easy to tell the people at my work. Im really up front about it and it is empowering. It felt like the sun had come out.

Is it true to say that your self esteem has taken quite a battering from this man? That you think the A is something for you to be ashamed of, even though you did nothing wrong? That you dont expect people to support you? Maybe they would.

Just an idea.

Hi All
If you rememeber me I am the one married to a VA widower with his three children and 2 bio kids of mine. I loved him very much and the children. Well I discovered is a serial cheater and refuse to give it up after 3 discussions. I departed the home June 2011 with my 2 children. He ws upset casue ileft and I told each step child I did not leave cause of them but their Dad. They seem to understand,however my hubby states no longer allowed to speak to them at all. I abide by that wish of his but think it is wrong.

Now on his FACEBOOK account he has 3 women he is dating. My girlfriend let me look at it; he blocked me. I knew about the two women in the local area here but the online nurse from FL was shocked about. He is planning on moving to Jacksonville FL to marry her; a nurse. This week he sent his kids to this nurse he met online.Few days ago he sent the 3 kids on the bus to check her out; she never met them before either. My hubby has met her his nurse girlfriend one time face to face in July 2011. He says on his FACEBOOK picture he is in love and his heart is there with her in Florida. He is moving there next week, I just hope he follows thru with our divorce by Jan 2012 so he can marry her. I have realized he only married me to help wiht the children. He never really loved me. I read an old email he sent me date June 8 2008 in whcih he proposed ; his wife died March 8 2008. I examined all the old behavior from hubby before I discovered his evening ladies and online girlfriends. Read below

My husband's past behavior while married to me.......
#1.He had told the church class that he missed lst wife (passed away from Cancer) and just holding on every day till he can see her again(right in front of me-I just cried),
#2. Then he refuse to attend marriage retreats- 3 different times invited by our church.
#3. His children rejected me different ways; killed my fish, poisioned my dog(she got real sick not died), youngest daughter very mean to me verbally and older girl 14yr knocked me down one time in public restroom. Hubby would never say anything or talk to them about their actions; I did nothgn to have them act that way. I think now they have psych problems. I was always having family meetings to try and get open up but no one would. I read that is helpful in blending families.
#4. Asked each step child (2 girls 7yrs and 14 yrs and 13 yr boy)go shopping and lunch with me alone to get to know them better; each refused. Hubby did not encourage them.

#5.When discovered his serial cheating by his disappearance all nite one day , online profile of **edit** where he says I am not the right women, registration to other sick sex sites and his 4 cell phones plus his taking off Thursdays from work, I phone his office then he lies and says he is at work. Then hubby told me to leave if I cannot deal with his lifestyle! Next discovered from old friends he and deceased wife had an open marriage! Ugh!

I do hurt my marriage failed but these things happen to people sometime in life. What does bother me is my adult sisters and brothers laugh at me, call me stupid, and do not try and understand!iahve decide to stop speaking to them. Also on top of that the Ex hubby to be has told people he made me leave cause I was mentally ill and overly jealous!!!!

SableVenus

SV I am glad you are movng on from this abusive marriage.

You should be protecting your heart better though. YOU should have blocked him on FB anyway and certainly should not be spying on him through other people.

Do not let people talk to you about him. Dont go looking for news. Dont not allow him to have any contact with you. Keep your life a jerk-free universe.

YOu say you hope HE follows through with D? Why havent you filed? Are you going to name the OW in D? Do you have a great lawyer who can protect your interests?

Use all that energy to create a great life for yourself. What do you want to do now? Think hobbies friends jobs travel bucket list stuff....

Why not post on the divorcing/divorced thread?

Sable, I followed your thread. I was worried that your marriage wouldn't end well. Your H appeared to be using you. I thought that then, and I think it now.

Don't let anyone call you stupid for allowing yourself to love a man. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with the fallout of leaving your marriage, but I think it was the best decision you could have made. Hold your head up high and ignore the mentally ill comments. No one will believe that.