Hello everyone. It's my first time to post here but I have read many of your posts for awhile. Here is a short synopsis of what I experienced.

1. Learned of wife's affair 6 months ago. Long distance friendship that turned physical. Told me she was in love with the POSOM. Started counseling right away. Exposed affair to OM wife and my WW family. I was an emotional mess, she wasn't. Said her heart wasn't into working on marriage. I was of course. Later, after reading Surviving Affair, I learned I was doing Plan A for awhile ( I wasn't perfect, but damn near it).

2. By month 3 since discovery, OM breaks off affair to work on his marriage. My wife believed she was working on our marriage, but could not handle being around me. Was irritated with any little thing I did. Wife eventually moved out to live with her dad and brother.

3. Last month she surprised me by saying OM and her have been chatting for a few weeks and he is visiting to see her. She wanted to give it another try to see where it goes. She said she was sorry to continue hurting me. She and the POSOM spend one night together. Then he leaves for good to go back and work on his marriage. Tells my WW to leave him alone and that she ruined his life forever (OM wife showed me his email to confirm). The OM wife feels totally numb right now. Poor thing.

4. Wife recently left to spend a few weeks with her Aunt in another state to "work on bettering herself". She is now taking meeds to battle her depression. It appears she is going to stay the whole summer there. Doesn't know when she will return.

My WW believes that the biggest issue was pre-affair. That I did so many things wrong. I was never perfect, but I'm a damn good husband and father. We have 2 young kids. I live in Houston too by the way.
My question is has anyone experienced anything like this. That after the affair your wayward does not come back for the reason I mentioned? There could be more such as trying to find another mate, but she currently feels the male species is evil and with the meeds, she probably has no desire which is good. But do they usually lose the stubborn act and return to work on marriage?

-On the fence in Texas.

Welcome to MB.

Apparently, your wife does not have a job?
Is this correct?
How is she financing her living away from the marital home?

Please answer this, it is very important.

My wife works for the school district so we have summer off, but get paid.

Who has the kids?

Begin preparations for Plan B.
You WW needs to get a clear picture of what life without you as her loving husband will look like.

*NOTE* I did not say launch Plan B yet, but get ready.
It will help you to know that you have all the Plan B ducks lined up and can launch when you determine the time is right.

Please tell us you have the kids!

How far away?

I have the kids. I have Plan B ready, but would I use it in the event she re-visits seeing the POSOM or another OM? And why is my wife so darn stubborn? Is it guilt? Self-centerdness? Selfishness? All the above?

Let's see your Plan B letter. Post it here.


Why is the sky blue?


The "Why" questions are a distraction from the MB Plans.

She is a TYPICAL WW.
Her selfishness/stubbornness/guilt/all the above are not special or unusual.

She is those things because she is a WW.

How old are they.
Any special needs?

[video:youtube][/video]

Infidelity: What every couple should know.


What every MB forum poster should watch.

My kids are 4 and 10. My letter is basically stating that even though I love and care about her, I am no longer going to be a part of the ongoing affair. That I will no longer be in contact with her but only through another party. She can see the kids every other weekend, but I will not be present. It takes two to work on a marriage and when she's ready ( and the affair is dead and gone) then we can get down to serious business. There will be boundaries set in place as well as her willingness to give me access to everything.
I believe she's still in withdrawal and possibly waiting for him to contact her again, but I don't know for sure how she feels about him.

Let's see the letter.
Edit to add:

Even if you only have a draft.
Let's look at it.

Of course she is.
She is a TYPICAL WW.
She is not unique or special, as far as adultery goes.

Please respond.
This distance is important.

Your thread title ....


is redundant.

She's not "acting".
She is a WW.
Ergo ..... hardheaded and selfish.

I am at work on my lunch break (about over) and I don't have access to my computer which has the letter. I'll post it tonight to get your take. I am in Texas. She is in South Dakota.

Fantabulous !

She cannot suddenly come get the kids and whisk them away.

Lonestardad, sorry you are here. No one ever wants to be on an infidelity forum. I'm relatively new here as well but you will get important information and pep talks from some very smart people who have far greater experience than we have.

Like you, I have two small kids and my WW is as selfish and confused as yours. You will never understand why they do the things they do but you can try your best to correct it and hope reality hits eventually. (It hasn't sunken in yet with mine).

Regardless, hang tough and you are in my prayers.

Thanks BXB and Pepper. Yeah, I think reality is starting to sink in with her (only because the affair ended roughly) but I'm approaching this very, very cautiously. Even if she is totally out of the fog, I'll never take things for granted again.