I haven't eaten or slept well since he left. I was getting a little better, but this week spending time with him made it get pretty bad again. I imagine it will get better in a week or so. If I can get the kids to bed at a decent time, I'm planning on taking a long, hot bath.

I need to make a list of things he needs to do. I just cannot think straight. This has just been a crazy two weeks. I NEVER thought I would be here.

Not to dis the examples, but I hate them all except #1.

(((dmh))))

Listen, you. You ARE sick, and if my sister were sick I would scold her for not eating and sleeping, as hard as it is.

Dmh, I want to come over and feed you some soup and play a card game or two with you. Maybe dominos?

I hope you did go have that hot bath, sweetie. My heart bleeds over here. That said? Tomorrow will be better.

Awww, thanks Surfer. I did get that bath and yet another good cry or two. With the way this weekend was I was hoping I'd hear something by now. I guess that was unrealistic and a bit too romantic. LOL I need to figure how long I actually want to plan B. I don't like the fact that I poured my heart out to him and I'm STILL not good enough. I'm glad I did plan B though. It was so hard to do this weekend. I could NOT do that all the time knowing that he has feelings for someone else. Doing whatever with her and then keeping me dangling on a sting. I'd be stuck. I wouldn't be able to move on with my life. I'm thinking that in three months I'd send that list of property that I want from my lawyer. Do you think that's okay? I just don't want to sit around waiting for him forever...well part of me does...but you know.

As far as my list of needs:
1. No contact letter.
2. STD testing
3. Lie Detector test - what sort of questions do I ask. I'm nto sure I WANT to know much. It will be all that more to get over. I would like to know if he had sex with her in my bed the day he brought her here. If he did I'm just going to smile sweetly and tell him then he needs to get me a new bed. I don't know what else to do. Are these expensive?
4. Marriage Counseling
5. I want him to clean up his Facebook, post more appropriate things, and then close it down. Same with Myspace.
6. I want him to get rid of his cell phone. It's on her plan he says he's just waiting for her to sign off so it can be just his. But I want it gone PERIOD.

How often are these guys even willing to do this stuff? What else do I need on my list?

My friend spent some time texting back and forth with him yesterday and sent the texts to me. He's basically having a pity party. He says he doesn't know if he ever loved me and he's afraid if he comes back he'll never find that love. He's whining because he doesn't have any friends and he scares everyone away. He said he can't forgive himself. It sure doesn't sound like the same guy that was pretty sure he was coming home in a week. :o(

On another note. He has been great this month. He's given up a LOT of his times so that the boys and I could do things on the weekends. This weekend we are going to my sister's mother's home for the weekend as she's in from half way across the country. Next weekend we have a camping trip with my Wendesday night Bible study group. I have a question though. The following weekend is my weekend, but it's the baby's birthday. DO you think it would be okay to come out of plan B long enough to do something for her birthday together? My WH has no family. His mom and dad both died and his brother and sister live too far away to do anything with. I'm feeling very guilty about this. He had been so good to me giving me these weekends and now he wont' even get to see his daughter on her birthday. Please give me some advice.

Plan B is Plan B , your WH has many choices to come back to the marriage . Do not dilute and break your Plan B , he knows what to do to be part of the family.

Yeah, of course you are right. :o(

I just feel so sad. I thought for sure he was coming home and now he doesn't even know if he ever loved me. At least some of you have him still admit they love or loved you. I don't even have that. Bums me out. I feel like I'm wasting my time. I know I couldn't have done plan A any longer. The kids are already reeling from seeing him and now not again. My oldest woke up screaming for Daddy last night. I tried to tell him he wasn't here so he got up to look for him. I finally got it through to him that Daddy wasn't here and he said Oh yeah and went back to bed. The youngest just feels sad. Nothing feels the same. There is no way I could plan A anymore without being selfish. I feel so guilty for what we did spend together, but if it brings him home, it was worth it. I just don't know if he is going to come home. It looks like they are still not in relationship, but maybe talking here and there. If he had any chance of being with her he surely would not be texting my friend feeling sorry for himself.

Hell no !
But, you already came to this conclusion.
I'm just reinforcing Plan B for you.

You should not have been given this info.
STOP ALL WH INPUT.
Plug the Plan B holes.
Do NOT allow this sort of info to slip into the conversation.
Hold up your hand and say:
"Stop. If this is about WH, do NOT tell me."
It will just make your Plan B more painful.

There is nothing "selfish" about wanting/needing to have your ENs met.

Any normal person can only perform Plan A in complete "GIVER" mode for so long.

Your "TAKER" will do s.o.m.e.t.h.i.n.g. to make certain your needs get met. Usually it results in an angry outburst of some variety.

STOP IT !


Save the guilt for when you have done something immoral or illegal.

This is inappropriate guilt.
DO NOT SABOTAGE your infidelity war plans this way.

Of course you are sad.
Plan A your marriage vicariously via your kids today.

Focus on the kids and on your self preservation. because your strength will need to be "preserved" for future recovery, if/when it comes.

If you think this is hard, you will NEED all your strength, ALL YOUR STRENGTH, when you are in recovery.

No one ever believes me .... >shrug< ..... but it's true.

Recovery is HARD.
Build up your "muscles" starting now.

>end of finger wagging<

You are going through withdraw again from you husband. The key today is looking at yourself in the mirror and deciding what you want to become.

Today you are no longer his wife. You are your own person, and you cannot associate as his wife. You have to let him go.

Trust me this is so painful, difficult, and unfair. I still ask myself how can he do this to me, my children, our homes, our life?

Today I woke up to one of the hottest days in the Midwest. I got myself dolled up, took my four kids to the grocery store, and bought groceries.

I am have no idea if my husband is coming home. I have no idea what he is doing. I am still deeply pained by his actions, and my Plan B is suffering because of all the financial turmoil he is putting upon us. I never thought my husband would go down this path. He is a complete and total stranger. Actually he isn't a man. He is a sixteen year old boy that just got caught by his mom(Me, his wife), throwing a temper tantrum, and stomping off to his buddies house to avoid all consequences. He doesn't like my rules so he seeks refuge elsewhere.

That is a tough pill to swallow because I look at my four kids and think geez how can I raise them with this as their father.

Luckily temper tantrums and affairs die. Soon his anger will fade towards me and he will have to begin to accept the punishment of his life. Will our marriage be saved when this happens? I have no idea.

Today I am sexy mama, and I wish to get myself out of the rut I am in and begin to do what is best for my children.

I know Plan B is hard. Remember you are dealing with a temper tantrum right now. He isn't sure if he wants to follow your rules (EP's) or if he wants to hang out at his drug induced buddies house that doesn't care what he does with his life as long as it doesn't effect him. His buddy has no moral compass, and his buddy doesn't care one iota about you or your children. Great friend - Eh?

You have to decide now how you want to live your life. You can wait and hope your naughty child will change, but keep in mind he may continue running away from home.

He may also get tired of running and miss how mommy (you his wife) kept a warm and loving home for him.

Keep your chin up and just take care of you. You don't have to divorce today, and you certainly don't have to make decisions for him today.

He is now on his own. He has to do this on his own. He can no longer rely on you to help him. This is were you will turn into his wife and not his mom.

Trying so hard to do this plan B stuff and it's getting difficult.

His truck is here. It's not running, and he doesn't have a car of his own. He wants me to sign over the truck in order for him to trade it in so he can get his own car. I'm trying to figure out a way to do this without seeing him and I'm not sure how to do it.

1. I think I need to go with him to the notary to do this.
2. If he's doing this, I want the Subaru (my car) signed over to me and I want him to pay all the fees. What if he thinks I'm being ridiculous not seeing him so that we can do this and he gets angry with me. It's been hell the last 5 months and he's finally acting nice again, I really don't want to go back to that again.
3. He's going to need in and out of the garage to do this. Tools to fix the truck, etc.

This would be sooo much easier if I wasn't plan B-ing. But I don't want to break it and start all over again. :o(

Do Not break Plan B. Go and read the success stories for Plan B. Do not rescue him. Let him tell you how to handle through the IM. Do not even think about solving his auto issues.

Let him walk. He walked all over your family, so let him walk his azz to his job.

Do not feel sorry for him. Do not feel pity for him. When he gets desparate enough he will send over a solution through the IM.

Until then sit back and watch the wayward defog!!! Reality is a *****!

Don't break plan B to help him with transportation.

Why would someone take his truck for trade in if it isn't running?

I don't believe you need a notary to sign things over....if so.....still...why?

Are both names on both vehicles? If so, perhaps if you want yours all in your name and vice versa, an attorney could handle the deal.

1. I think I need to go with him to the notary to do this.

You can both go separately to the notary.
If you have AAA club membership, they can do this for you.

2. If he's doing this, I want the Subaru (my car) signed over to me and I want him to pay all the fees.

Any negotiations go through the IM.


3. He's going to need in and out of the garage to do this. Tools to fix the truck, etc.

Hell no.

Is this an emergency?
Is this your problem?

I called the notary and asked if we both had to go. She was very annoyed and said it would be much easier for us to both go in. I said, that's not what I'm asking. I'm asking if we both have to be there at the same time. She said that we didn't have to be, but that I would have to go in two times and the he would have to go in two times. Maybe not a big deal, but he lives an hour away. I really need to figure this out.

People don't understand Plan B. So it IS possible that you two could go at different times, sooooooo MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

I am glad that Pep was here for you earlier, she helped me make it rhough the beginning of Plan B.

You see how he is already trying to find excuses to communicate with you? To see you? Why do you think that is? That is why Plan B is effective. You are showing him the REALITY of what life is going to be like wthout you in it. Don't give in.

Also, you should notice how quickly you are trying to get outta Plan B. Normal, but very distructive. You are so strong and you did such a good job in Plan A. DON'T ruin all that hard work you did. Don't make that pain be about NOTHING. If you give up on Plan B already, then you shouldn't have even done Plan A or started Plan B. Think about it like that.

It is painful for your kids? THink about how mmuch more painful and confusing it could be any other way. Stick to Plan b.

The first few weeks are the hardest and then there are just times when you need to get things ironed out. Then, it is smooth sailing.