I see totally where your coming from. Was considering it strongly the other day. I felt very tough, very cool, very decided. But the appeal of being away from his drama, while keeping him in the dark for once, was just too strong.

Today I texted him for a password I need to sort out a bill. He was trying to avoid giving me it, saying he would sort it out in august (after giving me grief for not paying bills - waywards)

It just so happens that the password was a very romantic reference to me. It would have been set up a long time ago, so whatever, but it completely undone me. Ten minutes before I'd been as solid as a rock. This showed me as nothing else has done that if I started on plan FU I would possibly buckle. I need the time to grow strong before embarking on a divorce and I need to do from an informed position, one of strength.

Absolutely the right attitude and I applaud your strength.

My vote if for "softlad" hehehehehehe

LOL! Just got on to this, think you are on the right lines Tanam.....

Bad bad day. Wearing lead boots. Cant beleive the effect that password has had on me....

(((((Indie)))))

It'll get better hun, I promise.

It's the roller coaster hun, breathe, hang on to how strong you were a couple of days ago, it will come back.

every so often stuff comes along and knocks you sideways and then you get on with getting on.

Do the D when you are ready, if you choose, but Plan B is a good one and you have some strong support out there. Thinking of you.

Yeah. Been crying some this evening, not as painful as after d-day, but it was really hard just going through CDs and stuff. Saw him walking down the street to the pub as my cousin and I were driving up to his mums. When we went in his car keys were on the table, so he is living there I would say. He gave us this 'tip your fake hat' sort of wave as we drove by. So weird. I cant look at his face, but my cousin said he had a sort of 'worried smile'

Leaving the Plan B letter felt good. I put his St Christopher medallion in with it, he hasnt worn it for ages. His grandmother gave it to him and he always used to give it to me to wear when I had an exam.

What I realised today is that I am very much still in love with him. Guess it's stupid to expect that to just vanish overnight. I'm treating it as a dangerous weakness.

My mum said 'You'd miss a limp, but that doesnt mean you're better off having it'. But its not really like that. Packing him up, changing the locks, staying calm - it's like having to pin yourself down and cut out bits of yourself. Bits of yourself that you really like and will really miss.

I need the calm and self-focus of plan B. I will send her her copy tomorrow and then bring on plan me.

Need to see a solicitor. How does being legally separated fit in with plan B in the opinion of you vets?

Do what you need to do to legally cover your azz. If that means that you file for a legal sep0aration, so be it. Some people can't because they don't have such a thing. If you need to file for a divorce, you would just explain to your lawyer that you want to drag it out. How long do you have to be separated before you are granted a D? In some places(like where I live) you have to be separated for a certain amount of time, before you can file for a D.

Hey, I still love my WH. I don't look at it as a weakness. It's part of who I am because I am a good person, but I won't let him have an A while I sit back and take it.

I will know when I see a solicitor, but from doing a bit of research, legal separation looks good.
It does not end the marriage, but speeds up the divorce if you file for it after the sep. Not sure how long it needs to be or if its needed before a D.

Hes kind of driving me crazy with the cheery waves as I drive by, not redirecting his mail, the way he left loads of his cr@p here, offering to sort bills out for me.

Like we're buds, like im on the backburner for him. Like he hasnt broken my heart or committed adultery!!!

WAKE UP SOFTLAD - I MEAN BUSINESS!!

I dont mean weakness as in character flaw, I mean weakness as in it could turn into my being stupid, which then would be a character flaw.

Well, as long as you stick to the plans, then you outshine that weakness.

Forward his mail for him..... you should not have to see it.

I passed important things on the IM, and my WH would pick it up there, and then after 6 months, I would just throw it in the garbage. That's what I would do if I got mail addressed to someone whom I didn't know and didn't live with me.

Yeah will do.

Was volunteering this morning at a school, as i am considering a change of career. Ended up in a counselling type room with lots of self help books. While I was waiting for someone, started reading a book called Considering Divorce or something to that effect.

This book, written by two male IC types totally horrified me. The section on affairs said that a temporary 'growing relationship' with another person when your marriage is in trouble has been helpful to some of their clients! Apparently it HELPS THEM FIND THEMSELVES!!!

One guy even claimed he had told his OW that it was to be temporary and to help him throgh a rough patch (um, ok) He is quoted "I told her I was like a weak little kitten that needed licking and to be washed. I told her I did not know if I would still want her around when I was dry"

Have seen lots of criticism on here about various ICs but for goodness sake....

He's just called round. Maybe he read the letter? I didnt answer though he knew I was home with my car outside. He called the house phone then he called my mobile. He must have been able to hear it ringing away in here. Then he tried his key so he knows the locks have been changed.

There is some mail for him today actually. Thinking of giving it to his cousin who lives next door. (shes been supportive) He can pick anything up from hers for a bit, until sorting out redirecting.

Don't answer the calls. Have you blocked him on FB? What about your emails? Your phone? Block what you can and if he gets through, you should NOT read or listen to anything and delete it right away. In these first few days he is going to try ANYTHING to get through to you. Don't let him. Be strong and stick to your plans.



How are you today?

Indie,
can you take a short weekend trip so you wont be around when he tries?

Vets is this a good idea? I know it would help me in that situation but Indie seem MUCH stronger than I could ever be.

Of course it would be a good idea to go away for a few days. Somewhere where he can't find you. At least some place where if he did try to find you, no one would let him communicate with you. Could you perhaps do that?

I think it is a fine idea.