ok.. but i still think it is harder for men to say sappy things, especially if they are not used to it.

nw- took your advice and send a flirty txt and said "i like when you say those things to me and the sappier the better", well what i got back was quite sappy.

progress...

So that was a good thing, right?

In my book, a so-so method of delivery can be excused a bit if the intent is honorable. Having good intentions and all that. Not everyone can wax poetic like Hollywood would lead us to believe and, when I try, my wife usually just laughs as says to quit, she gets what I'm trying to say.

that was a good thing! the delivery method was fine for me, he responded to mine. I dont expect him to wax poetic at all and you are right i think i would laugh, that would be a DJ.

i do get alot of heartfelt notes, alot. I know he is learning new method of communication (using his words... ha), i will keep encouraging.

thx!

Well that worked getting lots of sappy talk.


question... sometime during my H trickle truthing me, i took off my wedding bands, I was at a business lunch today and we were discussing an event we held and this female said you brought a guest , are you married? I said yes� for how long?.... 17 years�..oh�� then we got into other chatter, she was staring at my ring less finger the whole time. And was definitely looking for more answers. I felt very insecure (I hope the right word) but just very strange. I have noticed that on other occasion�s people have also been noticing. He is proudly wearing his new ring that I got for our renewal, which came 2 days after D day#1. I do not want my old rings back. I am still so new at this so I am not ready for new ones. I may be more sensitive about this since I am not wearing them so I notice. What do y�all think?

Are people are probably thinking, that he married to someone else and I am the bimbo- HA!!!

If you aren't ready to wear a ring, then wait until you are. If someone asks, you could always just laugh and say a stone fell out and it's getting repaired, it's getting resized, whatever you think.

Those that noticed probably forgot about it a few minutes later, but then I'm a guy so my opinion may not be valid

Should we get the impression that you aren't keen on him keeping the ring that he is currently wearing?

As an aside, we sold my wife's original ring when she recommitted to this so your sentiment sounds familiar. Trust me, you don't gear near in trade what you paid for it! We didn't really care, though.

she was itching to find out who the guy i was with, maybe she had her eyes on him, the other commented that he was tall and handsome..... But i will do that in the future.

no, I like that he is wearing his ring, its bittersweet, he didnt do it before.. we saw this ring on vacation well before he really became wayward and it was too extravagant to get, so before we renewed i tracked it down. i arrive right after.

my cousins are coming over soon and one is a real cryer- i havent see her since (shes a southerner BTW), so drama/girls cry should be coming- all they want is whats best for me and without my mom i know they are all very concerned.

really when do you feel like you can get thru a day without being triggered.

Also whats with the 6mo anger thing - im at 4 mos. just want to be prepared,

a BS timeline of feelings would be a big help. kidding.

ok

I have not been very good this weekend, i kinda ruined it. i am just in my shell. he really is trying very hard. he is doing all the homework, encouraging reading worksheets, and all of that.

I am just so mad at him for what he has done, every stupid thing is a trigger.

I dont know if it beacuse there were so fnk many, when i found out the first one, i could do it, really. this is just so much!

its alot and i am mad and sad, not resentful. just very down, it alot to handle and so much to comprehend its really overwhelming.

I read everybodys trials and sometime i thing jesz i am luck he had no emotional attachment, thank god, but then my reality hit and there are just too many. 3 sex, 5 BJ and dates with 10+others- multiple times- so you do the math, i dont know which is better, neiother i know.. he has been poly tested 99% accuracy. this is the first time i have said it! its alot.

this is the first time i am posting thru tears. I know this is the whole greiving stage, which i am doing out of order, but how do i get past this. we are really working very hard, and when its good its fantastic, but then the brain switches. i know 2 years then it fades.

maybe bc i olny found out the whole truth in may, this just has been a fnk long haul (since feb), and i just dont know if i can ever get thru it.

sundays are never good days for me

chickadee1 - I'm sorry that you had a rough day. This is a rollercoaster of emotions-at least he sounds engaged. That's a good thing.

thank you andy, he is --i am just struggling with this, and when i show him how i am feeling he just become a mess. i guess i am lucky with that, but i still am pissed, i mean really pissed. not showing that, no worries, its alot to deal with or just to get behind me for ONE day, just one would be nice.

going to get my book and read a simple nice story, tomorrow is another day.

Chickadee,

Don't believe the books about grieving, not everyone grieves in the same pattern. And, sometimes you go through one stage into another stage of grief and then back to the first stage.

I think being in the position you are, grieving the loss of your old marriage, has got to be one of the hardest things anyone can go through in their life. I really don't think anyone can understand the depths of that hurt until they go through it (and I haven't). Take your time grieving, and don't let anyone tell you not to.

((((Hugs))))

well that was a bad day for me... thanks for your help!!!

he was great this AM and did say he would spend the rest of his life trying to make me happy. and offered to move if i necessary, that big bc we would both be starting form scratch, at some point i will take him up on that just more in the bank for now then the sailboat in the keys is just fine for me.


then some other sappy things... thanks NW sappy is working!


so he really is trying, i know.... my brain is overtime, like ok now... how long really will he keep trying... i am a bit obsessive i know.

All normal Dee. Im on the underground part of the rollercoaster ride right now so know the feelings you are having.

Just remember we will get to the top of the hill again and be able to see all the beauty around us again.

Glad things are looking up your way. And, hey, if you have any money left over, I wouldn't mind having a sailboat in the FL Keys either!

Just don't lose that momentum, keep plugging away at it. Plan another weekend trip, things to do during the week, UA time, etc.

we are plugging away. - have nice plans for this weekend.

working with therapist, on how to stop the triggers or racing thoughts. see there are lot of triggers, i am not only taking triggers like the commerial on the radio of the place you went with XYZ, but also like. Remember christmas, wasnt that fun, and my brian goes yeah but you were boinking XYZ and thats why you didnt help me set up blah blah blah.

any suggeststions for a mind trick to ease this (did the stop sign thing), this is killing me. and i know this is all me. I have explained it all to him and he is definately trying hard to help me. I just dont know what kind of help i need other than a lobotomy.

It's early days hun for the hurty stuff to go. Triggers will be around for a while I am afraid, you have to kinda coast over them I think. I don't think there is a magic pill.

Perhaps just acknowledge them and let them go. You can't change them, so you have to change the way you react to them.

I still get triggered sometimes and some of them hurt, others are just a nudge.

We travelled across the states last year by train. I took lots of pics and made them into a huge collage. They are framed at the bottom of the stairs. For a while all I could think when I saw them was ...

we had the holiday of a lifetime, and you came back and s*****d her in a public toilet. Well done!!!

Maybe it was something like flooding a phobia but I can now look at them and remember all the good bits. If I do get a wander in of the other stuff.......I smile.......I mean......a public toilet...........by the goddess!!!!

[quote=Tanam]Perhaps just acknowledge them and let them go. You can't change them, so you have to change the way you react to them.

I know i have to change the way i react, but its hard, because i want to change it all!!!

we had the holiday of a lifetime, and you came back and s*****d her in a public toilet. Well done!!!

thats exactly what i am taking about!
/quote]

i am just hoping for one day with out them, so far so good.....

ok question... H went into a panic, his phone battery was dying on firday, he made 2 stops and call 80 million time when he arrived at meeting. well the panic pushed him straight to a verizon store to buy a new phone, same number, but the mobistealth doesnt support this new phone. so big bucks later.

no spyware.. have to get flexispy. he said no lets go to the store to switch back, so we did, you have to wait 14 days to switch back. so in the car he asks how do we come to a decision on what to do. lets spend the money for the flexispy in addition to mobi and then let me do something for you to make up for my mistake.

i explained this wasnt about money it was that it was about independent behavior, if he spoke to me before going into the store we would not be in the situation. he gets that he cant do that crap anymore. now what is my compensation for this, he is asking... how would you all deal with this?

opps one more>> H said he doesnt feel comfortable when he isnt with me, is that normal i know for a BS that may be the case but a WH? should this concern me?

My opinion...the guy freaks out because there is no spyware on his phone and when you're not around.

Personally, I wouldn't worry about any "compensation" over the phone.

Sounds like he's scared of screwing up and losing you.

I'd say you're doing good!

Off to the beach for a week, going to sit on my rear and be completely worthless for a while.