Hi,
i am in serious serious distress,please help me,i am getting psychotic.i will narrate all my problem.

I am a married for 4 years to someone whom i liked,atleast that is waht i thought yet for these last 5 years i am constantly in love with someone else B.i have off and on emotional affair with B for this time,he is realy nice and caring we are in love,it was off and on coz i had told my husband once while i was feeling guilty as if i was cheating,then it was for several months that i didnt talk or contact B,then he came again in contact and the process started again.now i dont know what to do,B is too caring and supporting while my husband thou says that he loves me is of exact opposite nature of B.

i cant again tell my husband that i am having an emotional affair coz that would mean really hurting him and then he would never trust me.i cant leave my husband coz i care for him and know that he would be devastated if i leave him and i have a child with him
At the same time i cant leave B coz he is my soul mate,thou at present he cant marry me but he says that if i am in his life i can be of good to him.

i found this forum and though u guys might help,i know tht all of u would say that leave B and this and that but the problem is tell me how i can do so,i really and too much into him,if i stop contact,he comes in my dreams,he is definately my soul mate....how how how?

So you were cheating before you even got married?

You know that you have to end contact. Change your phone numbers, email accounts, even move if you guys have to.

If you did not want to hurt your spouse, you should not have been having this EA (emotional affair). You do not want your spouse not to trust you, you have given him a reason not to trust you by having an affair, being deceptive and dishonest.

Have you told your husband what you wanted from him before you started the affair again? WHy can't your "soulmate" marry you? Is he married? If other man was caring, he would have stayed away from you and not helped destroy your family.

First thing you need to do is confess to your husband. End contact with OM.
Change all contact information close off any facebook accounts or whatever methods you are contacting OM with. Hand over all your passwords, etc to your husband. You have to be completely transparent and honest.
Come clean, it is not fair to your husband or child. If you care for your husband, be honest with him and end contact with OM now.

If this OM was so great, why on earth did you marry your husband instead of your so called soul mate? And why you would you even have a child with your husband if you were having this on/off affair?

You can start by telling your H what is really going on - particularly the part about you haveing been "in love" with that man even before agreeing to getting M'd to your H (you've been M'd for 4 years, but "in love" with this other guy for 5).

At the very least he will now be in a position to choose whether or not he should continue to give the years of his life to someone who is in love with someone else and basically M'd him under false pretenses.

Most wayward spouses think they have met their "soul mates" in their affair partners. Your story is nothing unique. It's in these forums over and over, just with different names and slightly different circumstances.

Remember that 2nd marriages, especially those from affairs, have a higher divorce rate than first marriages. So don't be fooled into thinking that "if only I married my soul mate, things will be so much happier." In all likelihood, they will be worse.

You will be the cause of your husband's greatest hurt and the cause of the breakup of your child's family. Not something to look on and be proud of later on in life.

Do the right thing:

1.) Write a no contact letter to your affair partner and break this thing off completely...forever.

2.) Be completely transparent with your husband. He IS the man who loves you. Your affair partner does not want the best for you or he would have left a married woman alone. Create an integrated lifestyle with your husband. No dishonesty, no secret second life.

3.) Commit to your husband a plan to build romantic love between the two of you. It is just compensation for the greatest hurt possible.

If you do the right thing, you will in time be a better, happier person for it.

When the vets come on and give you their advice, take it. They have recovered their marriages and can help you do the same.

Also, if the affair partner is married, his wife needs to know.

Hmm,

Okay,how can i be transparent with my husband,if i tell him it would be the second time i would be transparent with him and that would be end of any healthy realtion with him....so to be honest and tell everything is IMPOSSIBLE.

and i really cant leave the emotional affair....its easy for all of u to say coz u know to leave someone and not think about him is a hell of a job,its easy to criticize and condem.

What amazing is that all of u are so judgemental,no one realized that maybe i get comfort with this other guy...all u say is tha END BE HONEST AND THEN lead a life filled with sarcasm with ur husband...that is not fair

Do you honestly believe that you have a "healthy relationship" with your H now? Is it your opinion that a healthy relationship is what happens when one spouse continues to lie to another and cheat behind his or her back?

Well at times i was in love with my husband too,i do care for him that is why i didnt leave him,coz i know he would be lost...i did try to leave the OM many times,i have tried and tried all this number changing,ending emails,telling him directly but my mind doesnt agree to it.

i am a parted soul myself i cant leave both

well as long as he doesnt know it is healthy,i do all my duties,i am emotionally available to him and i do all the financial as well as work support.

i never make him feel a thing

Sunny,

Why did you come here - to get permission to carry on a sleazy affair and continue to lie to your husband? You say you can't leave the affair because it gives you comfort. Cocaine also gives people comfort. Do you recommend it?

What is amazing to me is that EVERY cheating person that comes to this site that is still wayward thinks everyone here who is NOT wayward and committed to a marriage is so judgemental. Exactly who is judgemental?

Can you tell me when dishonesty is a good thing? Why do you like being a liar? Do you desire to have your child follow in those same footsteps?

You are in the "fog". Read about it on this site.

AM

If you do care for him, you will be disclosing your A to him right now, and let HIM make the choice of whether or not he wants to continue being M'd to you under the circumstances.

Your actions indicate that you care about YOU a lot more than you care about your H. Having an A is the ultimate act of selfishness in an M.

What if he was doing the same to you? Would you consider that as a "healthy relationship"?



Nope, sorry. You've failed at one of the most important ones - keeping your vows.

well i am not lyind to my husband,i am just not telling him the truth.

He never asks whats happening in my life so i am living as such

That is really not fair and yes u are being judgemental cant there be my emotional needs that are not fullfilled...i was committed in periods but that didnt help me

All I got to say...... your in the wrong spot this is surviving an affair not how can I feel better about having one.

We will not support you driving the knife into your husbands back over and over.

TELL YOUR HUSBAND!!! IT SHOULD BE HIS CHOICE IF HE WANTS TO CONTINUE LIVING THIS WAY.

I smell a troll

I smell a troll

okie

why cant u all understand that i cant tell my husband...i told him once and the after effects were terrible,i cant tell him again.

okie tell me other options that do not involve telling my husband,besides why is it wrong that i have emotional converstaion with an OM,i am not having any thing else just talking

If the effects were terrible why would you have an affair again?
Being transparent is for life. If you told your husband OM contacted you then you two could have done something before it got out of hand again.
If there is nothing wrong with what you are doing why did you come here for help?
MB is not about lying or keeping things from your spouse. If you are into that there are other boards/forums out there on the Internet where you can find people who condone this type of behavior. But not here.

That is not fair at all.not at all,well it started again coz i cant control when it comes to other guy.

ok do u really think that i should not talk to this OM,even as a friend,i cant keep him away from my life

You can choose to ignore him. True you cannot stop him from trying to contact you. You do not have to answer his calls, messages, emails, etc.You can block him on your phone, email, etc.
If you are serious about saving your marriage you can and will do this.
I think you know the answer to that last question, you would not be here if you did not see it as a problem.
If your husband was in a similar situation, would you be okay with him being "just friends" with the other woman?