Mike... Are you insane brother? I would not let my wife be anywhere near this doofus. Specially in light of what happened. Is the money really that important to you all? I'd tell him to take the principle and all of it and do something nasty with it.

If the money is essential to you living, go. Do not let her go to deal with someone she has been weak with before. Even if you don't talk, stnad next to her. Exercise self-control.

Me personally? I'd starve than receive a penny from my W's om.

Its money she earned 15 years ago and she's taking very personally for obvious reasons. Its just another on a stack of insults (videoing her without her knowing, etc.) and she's done with being a victim.

We're talking money we have counted on having in the next couple of years.

I hear you about the NC and just say goodbye and good riddance, Id love nothing more, but the $35K is hers. Not $21 OM wants to give us.

She is truly demoralized and to let this swindle go, i think she will pop a gasket internally. I really am trying to watch her what with the with my mental abuse I dole out and this [censored] trying to steal from her she may be very fragile.

Still a bad situation does get worse.

Its booked. She's going to join her brother at the drop site and will try to work out the money dispute with OM. I approved it as I think it will be good for her to vent and her brother will be there to make sure it goes OK. OM has managed to help my wife remove almost all her dignity in the passed 8 weeks and if this last remaining part is all has left than I think its best she fights for it. There will be no rekindling of romance, as I have said for weeks this was not a relationship for the ages. She hates him furiously. For better or worse.

yes, she hates him when she's talking to you, but will she hate him when she talks directly to him?

She is seething right now over this and cannot wait for tomorrow. No worries at all about her seeing him despite what the good book says.

Wow, Mike.

She "hates him"? Okie dokie.

mike- you may have more control at this point- i would go with them ( not that i think you should go at all but it you are all resolved) for 2 reasons-

1. you, knowing you a bit- will want to know everything that went on.

2. you should be there to support her in this (also making sure she does not do anything to wreck where you are- like hit him)

3 ok 3- you are a team, put the team game on and do it!


4- ok 4- it would show her you were behind her and the hero in this - ok did i repeat myself with reasons, i do have more?? just go..if you are going to do this....

i just think that you BIL should still go to hold you both back.

this is the both of you moving forward, she should not do this alone. you are supposed to protect her, not her brother.......

sorry just my thoughts as a woman.

and a wife

oh did i mention that h lend baby momma 15k for her home..... i'm right there with ya, good bye money- that was alot to spend for a BJ. not worth it to have the contact for me, i do know that it would do alot for charity and others (and that kills me beyond belief), but thats the price of my H mistake.

Sorry to say that your W is gaslighting you and apparently she is doing a very good job at it...

Oh, I am sure she has been working to convince herself that she "hates" OM and that he "forced" her to do things she didn't want to do -- she is still foggy which is normal given how long her affair was -- but remember, you told us yourself, she wore his bracelet despite all of this. Can you see how it is clear there was an emotional attachment on her part??

In order for you two to recover, you will need to stop listening to your W's interpretation of her A and feelings for OM and rather you will need to listen to Dr Harley. No contact means no contact no matter what reasoning the wayward gives you. She is like any other wayward looking to get a fix.

Have you thought that her "anger" over 35k->21k might actually be a plot to break NC? Even subconsciously? To see him "one last time"?

You are really playing with fire here.

No. I can see why all of your responses are the way they are. I appreciate your concern but I have spent 8 weeks learning a lot about my wife and this A she stayed in. I learned of incredible deceipt she's capable of. I also learned a lot about the nature of this A and I believe what she has told me. She has followed every instruction, demand, and insistance regarding NC and has no issue with any of it.

This last thing which affects us financially in a big way is something I dont see a way around. She is going with her brother who I have given explicit instructions about his involvement and he is to be there for every word. OM doesnt even know my wife is going so at the least the element of surprise will be something she can enjoy. He will be very shocked to see her show up for this.

Nonetheless, I dont feel any snowballing, any subterfuge to see him again. I have given my wife the green light to leave me and go join OM and his ranks of side babes on more than one occasion since dday. I will not stand in her way from her happiness if this guy is what she wants. Its better for the kids, me, and her that she is happy if it means her leaving. She has expressed nothing else but her desire to be here with me and rebuild our marriage. I have guarded her and protected her moreso in the last 2 months than ever.

I cannot go today because despite medication, I feel I will not be able to control my fists therefore I sent her brother. She told me to go to the parking lot and watch from a distance or stand beside her. I have an appt so Im going to focus on my work which has suffered from this thing the passed 2 months. I have absolutely not one concern about this meeting. This man treated my very weaken, naive FWW as a possession for many years. She may have seen it, definitely felt it but, not to keep rehashing this story, couldnt/didnt want to get out.

As lousy as it is for me to know, this was a financial relationship for them. She got some meaningless spending money and didnt have to search for a real job in a real company for many years, and he got her companionship which as I learned (and actually observed in hindsight) eroded over time. My wife has lost her self respect, self image, dignity, and our children have witnessed this to some degree. And, she'll be the first to say it was SHE that did it to herself. I have worked hard to overcome this self image problem with her and my psychological shortcomings too over the last couple of months.

She just left for work and her attitude is one I am proud of. She has her plan of what to discuss with OM and if nothing comes of it we'll have our closure with this money issue and we'll move on. This is not a woman looking to recapture a lost love. Sorry, I know many of you are thinking this.

Mother's Day was my FWW July 4th. Independence Day. I hate to even think about and as emasculating as it is to me, OM had a certain control and maintained this easiness in life my complacent/lazy wife couldnt resist. Heck, he spent a lot of time with me too and I got used to his generousity. He'd come over on Sunday's with a nice bottle of wine, appetizers, and sometimes brought in the food to cook. He was super nice. Took my kids to ball games. ALL BASED ON MONEY. He gave my FWW a credit card for buying that shirt or shoes or sunglasses we normally couldnt afford. She took advantage of that and it got easy. All it cost her was a BJ every so often.

So, when dday happened and Ive said this before, my beautiful but weak willed wife was freed. She said those exact words. Sad, pathetic, degrading, a collossal waste of time, destructive, selfish, and cruel. Yes to all. Its only fitting their last time together (today) will be a financial transaction.

I have to build trust in my wife and it started weeks back and it continues today. She could have worked with her brother and not told me about today's pickup and could have met them with my knowing. We are a team and partners since 5/8. Play time is over.

Yeah. I am sorry, but I have to agree, Mike. This is VERY dangerous and I wouldn't let her go at all. Susie and Chick's right too. Quibbling over an amount that big (small?)? Take what he's offering and break it off. NC for good. It's just money.

Money given and promised in the context of a horrendous act I might add.

Gotcha. My wife's dignity or whats left is at stake. She needs to do this to build up something in her thats missing for the time she spent with him. Something I, her pyschologist, her best friend have been getting her to regain or perhaps find for the first time. If her brother wasnt going, this wasnt happening.

Also, this money was guaranteed BEFORE the A started. We invested 2 years before she decided to work for him I might add.

Paragraphs, please!

Done!

Mike,

My friend, you will regret this to the end of your life.

If you searched the posts on MB for all the failures because of broken no contact because their situation was "unique" you would be amazed that others have tried what you are doing and failed...

Every single one.

It is all based on money, as you said, because the truth is...

if you didn't want the money you wouldn't allow her to go.

As you have read, my life was destroyed by an affair beween my ex-brother and my wife.

I no longer allow any contact AT ALL between them.

I tried ONCE for a funeral of a family members husband.

She SWORE that if he tried to have any contact with her or our children she would turn and walk away with the children.

She didn't.

She sat there helplessly and even though SHE did nothing wrong, other than not taking the child away from him, she was helpless to leave the addiction.

You were so close, and NOW you want to start RECOVERY from DAY ONE again???

FOR MONEY???

Mike, please don't be offended but this is the truth.

And EVERY single recovered MB will agree.

Please don't allow this Mike, you WILL regret it...

Jim