......and then comes the down day. Been wistful all day, wishing he would just man up, accept responibility and show half the love for me that I have shown for him.

Have to accept that maybe that is not in the stars for me, and that being sensible on this point will save a good deal of time and work if not.

Must repeat to self that it is not the reason for doing this

Must learn to have no expectations.

Whenever I will start to think like this I will say to myself. "Wow. He really could have had it all with me. What a shame he's stupid." Then I will think of pretty things.

I think I need to do more nice, fun stuff.

It may just be that I have run out of chocolate and pastry.

Sweetie, no wayward alien is ever good enough for their betrayed spouse, for they are in a horrible place, spiritually speaking. Their soul is beyond ugly right now.

They are actively doing bad things, and that makes even the most attractive person ugly imho. So simply think that he is right now, in the state he is in, UNWORTHY of you. For YOU are worthy of only a good man and faithful man. A wayward man is none of those things. Like the Bible says, "A doubleminded man is unstable in all his ways."

letting peachy wisdom sink in...............

Indie,

Wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. You are at a really difficult point right now.

It is ok to let yourself feel the hurt and anger. It is part of the grieving process.

Time will help. I know you don't want to hear that again. That dreaded word time. But really, time is your friend.

No I see, time is already doing some work. Being able to see from others time points and experience is also massive,

Indie, I told you in my email, that I would write more on here. Jut want you to see things from more MBers than just myself.

It seems that your WH is throwing a big ol hissy fit about using an IM. This is completely NORMAL. They feel like they are losing control and they want to do whatever they can to get it back. They also test you. See your WH thinks that you are just being stubborn right now and if he can get you to break, he will have the upper hand. He doesn't know about your PLAN. He doesn't understand what it is that you are doing. This is why it is important to show him that you ARE serious and that you WON'T break.

So, again, please stick to Plan B and don't let him break you. Whenever I think about breaking Plan B(there HAVE been times), I think about all of the tough times I had in Plan A and in getting into Plan B. I think that I may as well not have gone through any of that, if I was just going to give in. Also, I think about how much worse my life could be if I didn't find MB(SHUDDER). Think about your life before MB and where you would be right now. How can you NOT stick to it? He wants to bring you back to that pre-MB person, don't let him.

This WILL get better. He WILL come around, when he realizes that he has no other choice. Please don't give him another choice.

Hi indiegirl! Please, please listen to Scotty. She is giving you critical advice and it is imperative that you follow it. Your WH is angry that he has lost control of you and is trying very hard to break your Plan B. Please be very aware and don't let him get through.

See, he is trying to test your resolve to see if you are really serious because he wants YOU to make the adjustment rather than him. When he sees that he can't get you to relax your standards, then he will start looking at HIMSELF. That is what you need to hold out for.

Scotty is doing a super job and I want to applaud her! Hang on for the ride, indiegirl, you are in good hands and this will get better!

Scotty, you are a legend.

Reading yours and Mels assessment of things really made me smile. I am in control. ME not him. He sent me a text and had me a feeling a bit wobbly for a minute there, but thats only because my defenses need tweaking. The phone is the only thing not blocked because my provider says they cant do it. So a number change must be done I think.

Made a solicitors appointment for next week. Getting financial advice same day with a bit of luck about buying him out...

I was reading articles on here earlier and saw something about an 'electric fence personality'. This really sounded like softlad to me. Hates boundaries, authority and being told what to do.

However that is not my concern.He's having a great big WAHHHmbulance moment, because Ive only left one channel of communication open - the IM. HE SHOULD COUNT HIMSELF LUCKY!!

Alas I dont forsee him ever seeing the light I have left on for him. Think he will carry on raging away into the dark.

NO way of knowing of course - and either way, I am headed for a great life, because I am tough and clear sighted...

THANKS SO MUCH everyone - for nagging me snoop, to expose, to keep calm and strong on d-day. Lifesavers, you all.

Hey lil lady, why aren't you sleeping? Hmmmm hehehehe

Get your number changed ASAP. This is why it is important to get these avenues changed before you go into Plan B. Many people start Plan B thinking, "My WS won't care. He/she already said they don't want to talk to me. Why would he/she want to contact me?" Well, THEY ALWAYS DO.

You are doing great. Get the holes plugged up and you will be even better. Now get some sleep.

Indie out

Hey Indie, how are you doing?

Were you able to do something FUN for YOU today?

Just checking in.

Just got in from a lovely meal at a little Italian Ive been meaning to try for ages. Just me and my mum. I was a bit down in the dumps this morning. By the afternoon I was incredibly zen - I felt all futures and plan B outcomes were possible but that they were not my responsibility. That my responsibility was to become strong and healed and in a position to pick my future - the exact one I want at the right time in the right way.

I hope this feeling lasts, its a pretty good one..

I am glad that you have support IRL. That is GREAT.

Also, taking care of yourself is spectacular as well.

Have you thought of any hobbies that you would like to try? Do you have a bucket list? Anything you can work on getting crossed off?

My bucket list is mostly travel stuff, so the cruise job would take care of that.

Im volunteering with kids, and this week felt I was making a huge difference to two young girls' lives, so that was cool.

I forage for food in the woods too, its nice being outdoors and best when you come home with booty.I was thinking of taking a foragers course with the rangers locally as I usually only do it in autumn...

I need to look at joining an art class and a dance class.

I am happiest when doing those two things, and I need some more art around me...

Feeling "zen" that sounds good, think I will try that one on for size.

Sound great Indie, great volunteering to help others, the foraging stuff sounds cool too.

And of course you should join the classes.

Carry on, Glad to hear you are having an up day.

Great work. Get on those classes and learn learn learn. I better be hearing some zzzzzzzzz from you soon(can't help it, I'm a mom remember?)

You sound good. Keep it up.

Its not a school night!!

but I am about to drop...night all

Nighty night. Sleep tight, and all that jazz. Do I need to read(write) you a bedtime story?

Arent we all already doing that? Theres quite a few novels on here!!

Been reading Neak's thread and I am in awe of her specialness.

Been amazed at quite a few of the tender, warlike Amazons on here.

I am formulating a theory that OWomen actually dont target certain men, but go after certain amazing-type women to 'compete' with.

In spite of mine and OW long friendship I keep remembering moments when I felt uneasy about her attitude towards me.

She was there when I tried my wedding dress on the first time.
Later, in the pub she kept saying over and over how TINY my waist had looked in it, but there was almost a hysterical edge to it. She said it too often.

When she got married she had wedding plans that I thought were really nice and suited to her. However she changed them to be more similar to my style of wedding, after people had raved about mine so much.

Another bride friend of ours was constantly talking about the details of my wedding, never mentioned OWs wedding at all though. My h used to say actually that OWs face 'was like thunder' whenever this bride friend did this. I never saw it myself, think it only happened when I wasnt there.

Then bride friends fiance tells me he is disturbed because OW has told him that 'indie's wedding was [censored], wasnt it to be honest'. Indies wedding - not indie and softlads wedding. This totally angered my H, and he gave her a piece of his mind. But I was so secure and happy I thought it was funny.

I probably will remember other stuff now, but this got me thinking.

And the longer you are in Plan b, the more thinking and processing you will do. Just remember not to let yourself do it for too long, and then you need to do something that is more in line with Plan B, so you can keep your own personal recovery moving forward.

That's the thing with Plan b, all you need to do is set your sight on where you want to be, and continue moving forward. In time, you realize that you are getting closer, and you didn't even realize that.

You are growing so much, and it is good to see. Keep up the good work.