Exposed all and everything. Now WH husband is mad and feels betrayed, says he can not continue the marriage after what I've done.

For those with experience, what is the sequence of events and timeline?

MfJ1974,

This is a very normal reaction from him because you have broken up his little fantasy world and now everyone else knows what he is capable of and how selfish he is..........you did what you had to do to save your marriage, let him feel it, this is how they come to their senses. If the affair was such a good idea he should have no problem with everyone else knowing.......accountability.
He will be very mad for a bit and blame you, my husband actually said I put his OW in danger by speaking to her husband, I said you did that by sleeping with her not me.........
He will blame you when he does this tell him you love him and tell him you did what you had to do to save your marriage.

Affairs are fantasy and that reality is now hitting it square in the nose........
sit back and watch the show, tell him if he is willing to lose the OW for life and commit to the marriage that you can both work together to save your marriage otherwise let him leave if that is what he choses, when he realizes what his decisions really is going to cost him he will see things differently.
The best way to get him back and the quickest is to stand firm and set him free, losing it all is the only way for him to feel like he has lost his life as he knew it.
Don't listen to all the foggy babble that comes out of his mouth in the next few weeks. Just keep telling him you had to do what you had to do to save the marriage and that you love him in spite of his actions........
But you will not be in a marriage or even live with a man that is involved with another woman.........If that is what he wants he loses your life together, tough I know but it needs to be said and the boundaries have to be put into place in a firm manner, nothing else is acceptable

hang in there, simple answers on your part. leave the ball in his court now.......
just keep saying if this is your choice then so be it.........
jessi

Yup, I did show him (gently) the door last night, plan B, no contact. I did say, either he'll get it and understand, or he'll never will and we are better off. I had to cut the gangrene out of our marriage!!

Our sweet little daughter is absolutely devastated, but after crying for a long time, she said, can you now finally find me a REAL DAD, one that loves me, and does stuff with me, and comes home.

Broke my heart! Of course she needs her dad, I still after all of this believe in family.

and I did say that I did it because I love him, not to hurt him, not to get even, to built a real marriage, not a rotten one.

You did nothing wrong.

All you did was tell the truth. Tell your WH that.

Then tell WH if his actions are now known and that upsets him maybe it's about how his actions reflect upon him.

WS mouth always spurts with anger and threats after exposure. Ignore the anger and threats. That's all they are. Wait for exposure to do it's job. Threatening and doing something are not the same.

So sit tight
Hang on

Yes, I'm now definitely considered to be the wicked witch.

It is comforting to know how many of his family members are actually stepping up and supporting.

Of course there is 1, the one who has facilitated and enabled in many levels, the true toxic personality, who isn't worth the oxygen he breathes, thinks I'm nasty and wrong, but he does have a thing or 2 to hide himself.

They all say that, first off. If you are successful in ending the affair, it blows over in a couple of weeks. If not, then they stay fogged out and continue to be mad about exposure. Anger about exposure is a sign of the FOG. So, once the fog rolls off, the anger rolls off.

The key is to not laugh or get drawn into a fight with him. Don't try to reason with him or justify your actions. Just smile and say "I'm so sorry you are upset!"

Wow I was so hesitant about doing this, I didn't really think that this was going to do any good at all, but you know what, I've gotten so much support from so many people.

Boy, finally I'm not suffering in silence anymore and like his sister said, I'm doing the right thing, I'm telling the truth. That meant a lot!

I didn't realize how good this was, I'm convinced I will come out of this better, regardless of how it ends.

Yes, you will. And remember -- if you have to vent, come here.

If WH rages, just say, "Sorry you're mad...would you like a potato chip?"

MFJ, I am sorry that you are going through this. I don't have any advice for you as I am seeking the same advice myself, but I will support you in any way that I can. I am so glad I found this thread. I am anxiously awaiting more responses. I am going through the same thing that MFJ is. I just found MB a month ago. I exposed last February a little, most everything last June (2010), called OW (ended up taling to OWH last September. Last June my husband "said" he wanted to work on our marriage, that he wasn't involved with OW anymore. Just words. No committment now either. He says it, but now showing it. I have asked him to leave several times. This week I told him again that I didn't want this to go on and that he needs to find a place to go, that I wanted a divorce. He smoothes things over, speaks as if we have a future or might be able to work on things without really ever saying those words as if I buy it now. He KNOWS it will be financial disaster, so he is keeping it together for that reason. He doesn't want to be married to me, doesn't want to build a marriage with me. He won't leave. My only recourse is to file for separation or divorce. We live in a no fault state. He has gambled all of our money away too, so we have none to fall back on. Nothing in savings to support the children. So, (loaded question) what do I do?

Very healthy attitude. Hope you have a good support system and/or therapist to see you through the next few months.

it has made things so much better for me to expose, and get the gangrene out of our marriage.

The responses have been 2 fold. Those that have things to hide, past or present, and really are afraid this (exposure) could happen to them, so the not honest ones anyways, tell me I'm a [censored] and nasty. No problem, because I see you for what you truly are now, things are totally falling into places.

The ones that care, in general, applaud my courage for doing so, sent love AND ALL SAY

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH TELLING THE TRUTH.

This was the best thing.

And the information that comes out, it is stunning! I learn more every email I get.

I feel no remorse any more for doing this. I spoke the truth, I fought for the well being of my children. I fought to get the gangrene out of my marriage. If WH doesn't get it, he wasn't worth it in the first place and I should be happy the shells have fallen of my eyes and I can move forward to a rewarding MB relationship.

Of course I love him, and I want to make things work with him, and this so had to happen to remove all debris that was standing in the way of a full recovery.

Good job in standing up for your marriage!!

Now I'm just tired, my poor sweet 5 year old DD has been doing nothing but crying, asking me to find her a real dad, one that comes home, one that loves her.

I have encouraged her to write him letters to express her feelings and show how much she loves him. She is the real victim of this infidelity.

Proverbs 5:3-9 For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not.

there was a text yesterday I read before exposing and it was what made me actually do it, about exposing the sin of adultery, anybody know?

And now I'm just plain sad, I want the husband that I married, the wonderful man that he was, the wonderful man that we were working on, but the continued interference of the affair partners was just not working.

Now I would just like to sit down and cry

I know how you feel!.....I feel the same way about my wife !!!

My WW just admitted to her affair 7/4 after denying it for a year!

We separated 2 months ago.

This next week I contact the OMW and their children!

Tomorrow I go to see the parents and the immediate family with the honest TRUTH!!

I just want my wife back too!!!

I understand your grief!