My heart is broken in two. My girl friend, my best friend, my lover is gone.

It is a long story, but basically she cannot support herself on her income. Not long ago she was a real estate agent making probably twice what I make. With the collapse of all that she has had to work part time with a builder sitting in Model Homes. This is not enough to pay her mortgage health insurance and other things. Over the last several years she has tried and failed to start 3 businesses. Her house means the world to her. It is a small house, but it is one of the most beautifully appointed and finished houses I have ever seen; Like something out of Better Homes and Gardens. I know you would say it is just a house, but you don't know her past like I do.

So in the last week she has had to face the harsh reality that if she does not change careers she will lose her house and everything. I agree with this assessment, but I argued with her that it would be better if I were in her life to give her emotional support, spiritual support, encouragement, etc, etc. She feels that she cannot give 100% to the relationship like I deserve and has to focus 100% on "making something happen". I told her I couldn't be "just friends" during this time and she understood. I know this sounds like "I know, cry me a river" kind of thing, but I saw the sobs and the anguish in her face, and she saw the same in mine. She knows that I would love her regardless of what she did or did not own and it tears her up. I told her the bank may take her house, but it could not take my love. She knows that, but she said she has to do this on her own. Again, she has a horrendous past that she has crawled out of by her own blood, sweat and tears before and she feels she has to do this again.

She asked if I didn�t want to e-mail to stay in touch. I said I could not do that. That every time it would remind me what I lost. I believe that is wise don�t you? I told her that if she is in a better place that I would like to hear from her, that maybe my heart would be in the right place. Then, who knows. I know when I got out of the Army years ago, a career change took years to accomplish. Who knows. God can do miracles.

It is gut wrenching to see someone walk away from such a rich relationship, into their on private hell. I have seen it twice now. My X 4 years ago now her.

Please no negative comments. There isn�t anything to say, nor advice to listen to. I just wanted to share and try to get this out so I can start to heal.

Thanks for reading.

I'm so sorry man.

I am so sorry, kayaker.

I don't understand the details, but that doesn't matter. I'm sorry you're hurting. ((((kayaker))))

Very sorry man.

((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Just letting you know we are here.

Thank you guys. I came back here because I was in love. I now know that these principals do work. I practiced them and we fell in love, just not enough to stay together.

Not sure this is helpful but lots of people here have had these relationships..they are intense and they are fun but because they are short you have to keep in mind that they aren't really real. Don't confuse love for infatuaution. It's easy for all of us to do when we are hurt and lonely.

Please excuse me if I misread somewhere and this has been going on for more than a few months.

That said, it always sucks and we are all sorry when it happens. However, it's all part of learning and growing that makes us better on the other side.

Go do something good for yourself.

I don't know how long you were with her but I do know you're hurting and I'm sorry.

Most advice I have seen when a couple breaks up is to make a clean break, and then if you're able to further on down the road it's possible to be friends but not everyone can or should do that. If it hurts you, you probably shouldn't do that.

My ex-fiance and I are still friends but we had months of no contact and I've concluded that while he's fun to talk to, he's not marriage material (in my book) so I closed my heart to him. It's worked for us but I don't think it would for a lot of people.

Thank you kay,

I agree with you completely about the clean break. I will not carry a torch. I look at my past as times when I learned things about myself. This one is no different. I learned some very good things about myself. That romance is still in my heart. That practicing MB principles is vital and maybe the only way to love.

It still hurts, because I felt I had forever in my hand.

I know what you're feeling, it hurt like hxll when he broke up with me and for months afterward, I think I was in such shock, I totally didn't see it coming! But I've since learned that when someone loses their parent (as he lost his mom) it is actually a very common grief response to break up with your partner. I still haven't figured out why, but have had to accept that it just is.

Nevertheless, I don't want a partner that could just dump me for ANY reason, I want someone I can count on through thick and thin and barring that, I'll go it alone.

Still, he is a very funny person and had we just been friends only I would have enjoyed his company so I try to just keep it at that level...no allowing myself any fantasies of being together, etc., no reminiscing. It took quite a while before I could reach this point, but I did and I'm glad we can be casual friends. Neither of us is dating and if one of us decided to, I'm sure it'd change things. I'd have a hard time with "why her but not me?" although I know it had nothing to do with me personally but rather what HE was going through. And if either of us gets with someone seriously, it's not good to have any exes around. But that's something neither of us may ever encounter because we aren't interested in even looking. He doesn't want to hurt anyone else and maybe doesn't ever want to be in a relationship and me...I don't trust anymore.

I don't know why the lost of his mom would cause him to break away either. Me, if I went through that, I would draw closer to the ones I loved because my relationship with them would seem more precious. I know we are all different.

Here is something I just realized... I am hurting so badly, not because I am hurt by her. There is no, none, nada feeling of anger, resentment, abandonment or anything negative toward her. I don't agree with her reasoning, but I understand it completely. And I know her need to be self supportive and focused on career and saving her home.

This is the first relationship that I have lost that the love and affection were not destroyed or at least damaged (love busted) prior to the demise. This is the first relationship that I feel that I did everything right (she said so) and yet it ended. That is what shakes me.

So I am at peace. I can look in the mirror, but my heart is broken. Quite a juxtaposition of feelings.

kay, I know what you say about trusting. I have felt that way. But I know this... only if you trust and let yourself be completely vulnerable, and lay it all on the line, will you find that bliss, that heaven here on earth.

The risk is that it will happen again. That, like you your fiance's grief for his mom caused him to bolt, or like my GF who let her fear of financial ruin and losing a house caused her to lay down a loving relationship. This risk is always there. Very hard to know, but I just feel if you don't try, you miss out on so much.

Thanks for writing.

I guess I will just have to miss out then because I've just been hurt way too much.