Rocky,


My suggestion is for you to STOP talking to your affair partner. End your contact with him.

He messed up your life - he is why you are where you are today, with a messed up marriage, messed up kids, and a messed up heart.


Move home. You will never regret it. I promise.
If you go with your OM, you will ALWAYS be the other woman. You will never be anything other than that, and could never rise above it. Never.


SB

Rocky I hope you at least are still reading here.

SB has given you great advice..... STOP talking to OM. Stop contacting, seeing, thinking of the OM. Don't accept contact, don't start contact with OM. He is as toxic to you and your KIDS as a rattler bite.

I am talking to you as a woman who also cheated on her husband and was very, I mean VERY, lucky to remain married to him. It was work, and work and followed by more work.

Don't look for any easy road because there is not one. But you need to know it is possible, no matter how hard or how much you are afraid it can be done.

But you need to listen to the advice and accept that your behaviour and attitude is not working. Its not working for you, your husband or your children.

I cannot promise you that you will recover your marriage, no one can do that. I cannot promise you that you will not be hurt in the process, no one can. You cannot promise your husband or kids that.

But the point here is that you are ALL hurting right now and ignoring it or pretending it is not causing harm to all involved is a bit like fiddling while Rome burns.

You have two choices Rocky, to DO or NOT DO marrriage recovery, there is no try in this.

Your husband has the same choices.

It may bring new joy, it may not. But how can you have any chance of happiness if you just do nothing??

You are wearing your husbnad out with this backwards and forwards all the time. What if you decide "soon" to DO and find he has already left the station?

You have a window of opportunity.... why not give it a shot? move to him and DO! Of course you will make mistakes, so will he. There will be tears and anger and all of that... more.

But you know? your KIDS will see and know that both of you really worked on it no matter the outcome. THAT is something I hold very dear to me. My kids witnessed our struggle... and a struggle it was.

I hope you DO Rocky. I won't kid you, it was hard... so hard... but so worth it!! Listen to people like SB.

Rocky,


Just so you know????


I was faced with having an affair, too.


I could have chosen to walk away for another man. Actually, anyone can do this.


The easy choice is to believe that you can "start over fresh" with someone new.

The real truth is that you cannot erase the mistakes you have made by beginning a new relationship. Those mistakes follow you right into the new relationship...

because you never learned how NOT to make them again. You never fixed the problems, and you never even tried, Rocky, if you walk away.


If you move closer, and work the MB program - give this at least a REAL TRY - you will learn about marriage.

Even if your marriage does not work out, you will LEARN what your mistakes are, what you are doing right, wrong, and how to make a marriage BETTER.


Whether it works out with S2 or not, you must see that you need that learning, don't you?


Because...that affair you are having isn't the fantasy relationship it started out to be either, is it?


Because YOU are still right there. You cannot start over fresh. You need to go back, pick up the pieces, and figure out what you need to learn


with S2

and at least work that mess out


before you go trying to start something new with anyone else.


Finish that much at least.



Even if it doesn't manage to work out, wouldn't it be worth a try to make a marriage work - to love your husband, to have a family, with your children and husband all together????


And, happy?

In love?


MB can help you try for it.

Your affair partner is not helping you get there. Not making that goal even possible.
SB

Yeah NG its pretty normal really, just when she is ready to make a decisive move, looks around and wonders "if".

Shes way foggy and unsure what shes doing, and still wants some guarantees. Sorry Rocky, but the only garauntee is that if you don't make a decision, you'll miss the boat. With all the guidance here, you can be helped, but you keep looking around and waffling. Nobody deserves that, esspecially all the people who are trying to help you.

Know what the definition o courage is Rocky? Its not being fearless. Its actions that you must do and you do it while your scared to death.

If you are waiting to be certain and not afraid, you will lose this battle for your marriage, your character, and your integrity. All anyone an ever do is the right thing, and its string you right in the face girl. Good relationships and marriages just don't happen, we ALL must make them, and many do it while the are no gaurantees.

Don't throw this away, you WILL regret it.

I know I shouldn't post on her thread but so everyone is aware she is in contact with OM. He was at the house last night. She admitted to me today that she was talking to him.

Ha! HaHA! Right, Rocky. We were all just "talking" to our affair partners.

If she only realized how costly this "talking" is: her self-respect, her integrity, her soul. Not to mention a loving H, a promising M, and the lives of her children.

I mean, really, when you put it that way, Rocky, the CLEAR decision is to continue with your affair, right?

Oh, and before you play the "I'm spe-shul, you just don't understand" card, remember: I do understand. I've been there. The difference is, I got out of it. And you?

Rocky,

Like I said, when you stop your affair...

and trust me, it WILL end,

you will realize exactly how much you stand to lose in your marriage.


The issue will be then:


will your husband be willing to work it out then?????


Or will you have wasted this opportunity?




Strike2 will not wait forever. At this point he loves you.


What you are asking for is "unconditional love".


Love might be unconditional.
Relationships ARE conditional.


That is the truth of life.


You risk losing your husband's love.


Waste your time at the risk of your marriage.


When you look back
and you WILL


you will remember that I told you this.




And you will look back at your affair and think,


"Why did I waste my time on a fantasy?"




What I can tell you is that there is NO good answer for that.





Only that you will hate yourself for it.






SB

Rocky you can't outsmart the MB plan, or God for that matter, and this will catch up to you, even if you are to blind to see it.

Pray for a frontal lobotomy it would be easier than the crap you are about to go through. You wont dodge anything.

I am scared an lost idk what to think just so terrified!

Um, how about YOU STOP HAVING AN AFFAIR, before you wreck yourself irreparably? It will wreck you, and your children, it already has. And that doesn't even begin to address the trauma you have unleashed on your husband.

Here is what you need to think; I need to stop having contact with my affair partner, pull my head out of my stinking backside, and do whatever it takes to make things right, even if I have no chance to recover my marriage whatsoever.

Your choices, and the consequences have been paid by everyone else so far.

Time to own your own pile of poop.

i would like to understand why you are scared if you could expand...

What you are going through is the uncertainties of what the future holds, your ongoing contact with the OM is heightening those uncertainties. Get that man out of your life , he is toxic to you and your children.

The only way you get rid of that poison is absolute zero contact.

You planned to move closer to your husband, enact that plan, it will feel to you that you are pushing a mountain, you are however once you are out of reach of the OM's grasping hands you will as time moves on get clarity of thought and understand what you have done .

You are not the first wayward to go through this, you like the many others can get through this and there is a fantastic chance to have a better more loving marriage. To do this you have to take what appears to you to be daunting steps, take them for yourself, your future and the future of your children.

Rocky it may seem like the world is against you , it is not , the capacity for people to forgive is inherent in is all. You have to forgive yourself , then ask your husband and family for forgiveness , you will be surprised that is highly likely that your husband will forgive you and continue to love you.

Be brave , keep to the commitment and move with your boys closer to strike, don't try to analyse or guess the future , there is a plan from MB to help you recover your marriage and make it a far better one , to do this you have to be a willing participant.

Fear and uncertainty will hold you back from growing as a person, a mother to your children and a wife , strength and commitment to a plan to rebuild those things will take you forward.

Give it a chance . We all have your best interests in our hearts

Nothing to fear but fear itself Rock.

Dont use fear as an excuse to avoid doing something difficult. You are capable of doing what you need to do, you know what you need to do. Stop chickening out when you know very well that if you put in 100 per cent, that you will not fail yourself.

You will become a person you can be proud of at the very least.

Rocky, you are still here - that is a good thing. Scared or not, deep down you know what you are doing is wrong. What you are doing is wrong for you, wrong for Strike, wrong for your children.

A relationship with the OM will never work. The knowledge of what you've done will always be there inside you. Sure, you can try to ignore that little voice, maybe drown it out for a time, but eventually the consequences of your actions will catch up to you.

Anybody can fear the future. But if you dedicate yourself to doing what is right, what is honorable, to trying to atone for your sins and to trying to heal your husband and your M, then regardless of what happens you will be able to move forward.

The OM is an anchor who will only drag you down.

I don't know what your future holds, or mine either, for that matter. But I know what is true and right. You wouldn't still be here if you didn't recognize what you are doing is wrong.

Just 3 days ago I thought my H was done. A big part of me wanted to just hole up and cry and lick my wounds. It would be easy to believe that I can never overcome what I did, that a person is only worth the sum of their mistakes...but that's not the whole truth. Your worth is determined by what you do to repent from your mistakes, to show remorse and to commit to doing what is right.

Right is kicking the OM to the curb. Right is packing up and going to Strike. Whether he finds it within himself to forgive you or not, what is right is allowing him to fill the role that is rightfully his, as a father to your boys. No OM is ever going to love them as Strike does.

The OM is selfish, all waywards are - that includes me, that includes you. In an A you're looking out only for yourself, and you're not considering what is best for all.

A relationship based on a lie is no relationship at all. You cannot and will not have anything worth spit with the OM. You will suffer. Your boys will suffer. They are suffering, whether you realize that or not.

Strike is suffering now. What is the true measure of yourself as a human being, as a mother, as a wife, Rocky? Can you face your fears?

We get one shot at this thing called life. We all screw up. How you respond to your screwups shows your depth as a person.

Sure, you can run. You can give up. I have wanted to give up many times, convinced I can never overcome what I did...and I'm sure I'll get scared again, and feel like giving up.

But I know in my heart that what I am fighting for - my marriage - is worth it. You have to believe that. I think you do or you wouldn't still be here. You know what you have to do.

For Strike's sake, for your boys' sakes, and yes, Rocky, for YOUR sake, I hope you will do what is right.

As my dad often says, "Whatcha gonna do about it?"

Welcome back

Are you mad enough at Rocky yet that you want to take her out and beat some sense into her? Thats a good start.

WPGs post was good advice, and I don't think I can add to that, but just one thing I would like to expound upon.

Doing whats right, and being happy doing it, because its right, thats all, no gaurantees with Strike, but I can guarantee disaster with little boy OM.

Do what is right and get the courage after, thats how it works, then you can eventually earn the right after you understand,(yeah sorry, might take awhile), to come back here and save some other waywards soul.

There is an old saying I remember adults saying to me while growing up and I screwed up. they would say, "Well are you a (SO-N-SO)?" I would say no, and they would say, "Then stop acting like one!"

It doesn't get much more simpler than that Rocky. Now buck up and do what they say here. Don't think about it do it, your life DOES depend upon it, so be scared NOT to do it.

Strike is a good man, and OM is a wussy, there is only one clear choice.

Absolutly

of many things scared that I will be treated worse than ever before. I asked my husband why he treated me the way he did for years when all I did was wroship. His reply was idk. (scary) I can't seem to forgive myself or understand etc why would he (scary) he does deserve better than me. scared that I will have nothing and he will leave me and take the boys cause I will have nothing (scary) scared of everything really plus scared everyday being about my mistakes now I have made it even worse because now my husband won't even talk to me on the phone so very terified cause I am planing to still go to my husband but now he isn't talking to me (don't blame him) not helping me get to him (dont blame him) so here is my plan. quit the job pack the boys clothes an stuff fill the car book hotel an drive 950mls an call him when i get there an hope an pray he will talk to me. I will be jobless homeless living in a hotel scary but i guess i have no choice really

Well? What's to think about, doll? Not to discourage, but if I were Strike I'd bail. Are you snapping out of it, or what? Do you see your reality in front of you? Do you see that this is in your hands and your hands only in a choice to fight with zero guaranty of success?

I don't think you do.

Sorry. Ther are many FWWs and FWH that get it, and I don't think you're one of them, Rocky.

Maybe I'm wrong. And, no, this isn't a reverse-psycho-babble post. I just don't see it.