Although marriage recovery is not on the radar for me, I was wondering how you NOT hate your warward's family and friends for going along and supporting their infidelity..in my mind I can at least "understand" that my wife is addicted I suppose and in the fog...but her family should know better...just wondering how people that recovered feel about this issue

abc,

I don't hate my H's family, but I don't have or want a relationship with them either. My MIL let H use her home phone and computer to break contact. Both my MIL and BIL advised my H to "do whatever would make him happy". I have not talked to either one in more than a year and a half. My H occasionally calls his mother and I am fine with that. All of the family live on the opposite coast from us and there is no chance of bumping into them.

AM

If recovery isn't on the radar...........

I wouldn't waste any energy on it. Do you need to maintian contact for kids etc?

If not let it go, the Karma bus will deal with it for you.

Move on and be amazing!

You can only control your own actions, no one else's.

It is tough not being supported as a betrayed one but it is what it is.

Cross each bridge as it comes with courage and self respect but don't expect anyone on the planet to be at your side (except perhaps those of us here in the land of marriage builders......we 'get' it).

YK?

ABC,

Like yourself, my WW had a number of prominent adultery-enablers/apologists among her family and "friends". Among her family members--people I thought of as "my family" too--I was quickly hrown under the bus' in two seconds flat with all but a few minor & short-lived exceptions. There was also a "friends" husband & wife, neighbors of ours back then, who went even further then words by actively entertaining the affair-couple (both of whom were cheating on their spouses) in full knowledge at their home right under my nose across the street several times. I know what you are feeling right now by seeing your WW's betrayal and deceit tolerated and even validated by people you valued and trusted as "family & friends".

How do you deal with that painful reality? It is simple (although this doesn't immediately end your pain they have added to):

You PLAN B them as well.

These people are obviously not responsible, trustworthy, loyal, or reputable folks if they have sold out to your WW's scapegoating, excuse-making, and sleazy infidelity. They are NOT the caliber of people you should want or tolerate in your life and it isn't healthy for you to maintain any sort of contact/communication with any of them.

Cut them out of your life completely...they aren't worth one ounce of your energy to "hate" them. God Bless and sorry for what you are going through. It gets way, way better with time and separation from people like this, I promise.

When you heal, you won't care. You'll seriously feel nothing about them and their reactions.

It's also a part of the culture here. People take the easiest path.

You had no kids with this woman. Quit letting her and her family and friends live rent free in your head.

Freedom is not caring.

I know you all are focusing on me, i'm fine really but thanks (you guys are so supportive!!), but I really am curious how people that recovered deal with those feelings..just something that popped into my head the other day