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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1 |
My husband and I suffered an affair, he was involved with a woman at work and is still on and off with her. We have been seperated for two years and divorced for about a year. We have two amazing children. I can really only speak for myself, but he also says he is lost and hurt. I am at a point where I really want to understand the affair. I still feel like he chose her over me, but in reading this book, am I right in that idea that he chose her because she was able to meet his needs? Please help shed more light on the issue of having an affair for me. I am struggling at finding peace within myself because I feel unworthy of love or devalued by the affair. I love him, but not sure I can look past the affair 
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
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Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780 |
My husband and I suffered an affair, he was involved with a woman at work and is still on and off with her. We have been seperated for two years and divorced for about a year. We have two amazing children. I can really only speak for myself, but he also says he is lost and hurt. I am at a point where I really want to understand the affair. I still feel like he chose her over me, but in reading this book, am I right in that idea that he chose her because she was able to meet his needs? Please help shed more light on the issue of having an affair for me. I am struggling at finding peace within myself because I feel unworthy of love or devalued by the affair. I love him, but not sure I can look past the affair I am confused. You have been divorced for a year? Seperated for 2 years? And he is still involved with her? So he claims to still want you? He is cake eating? You want help in looking past your Xhusband's affair that is on-going?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
The biggest reason he had the affair is because he has poor boundaries around women. Even if you did the best job in the world meeting his needs, he would be vulnerable to an affair if he had poor boundaries.
Did you do any thing to bust up his affair? Such as exposure? Is the OW married? If so, did you tell her husband? What about their employer?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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