Here is my story. I have a lying, cheating, unsupportive
husband that I left one year ago. We talk and text even do video chats. We work on on marriage by talking and using marriage free questioners. I send gifts he sends gifts. He talks with the kids about once every 2 months but he keeps up with them on the computer and pictures I give him. He has no job but works part part time. He has not worked to hard to find on ether. When he does get money 401K thousands of dollars and tax return thousands he does not give any to us. He continues to have a truck that he can not afford so big chunks of money goes to it. My family will be very made if we stay together. Even if he moves out here and lives with me and the kids not as a couple but just so he can be with the kids. I think it should be over. He abandonment us and he still does nothing to show that he has a responsible obligation to us financially or emotionally. What do I do?

why does no one answer. I talked to him tonight about my concerns and he said he will sell the truck and get a job. but acted as if our relationship was over. I have been working on this for 2 years. oh by the way he is still addicted to porn and has not got help. He also is clinically depressed and has got no help. He also has been seeing the other woman for the past 2 years with out me knowing.

Ok Hun,

Perhaps no one is answering cos they are asleep! If you look in the top right hand corner it will tell you US time, most of the vets are US based.

Me UK based so quick check in before work!

How old are the kids?

But in summary........

You moved out a year ago.....Why

He is seeing someone else


Is addicted to porn

Is depressed

Lies and dos not support you


What does this man actually have to offer??

On the other hand if you want to repair this marriage you need to

be living together

read the steps here, I don't offer that kind of advice The vets will be along soon with those.

Use the time to look at Plan A, search for Pepperband, there is a link on the end of all her posts.

But to be very honest, it seems as though you are enabling his cake eating, giving him some nice fluffy stuff without any responsibility. He has no incentive to change, while Hope hangs on in there as a friendly back up plan.

Stick around hun, the vets will wake up soon and come see you!!

Blessings

kids are 6,8,12 and I moved out because he was cheating. (he is still cheating. I do not know what he has to offer. I might just beholding on because it is a marriage and i am stuck in that. He did well for the past years but was never great. Moving out was the best thing I did for myself and kids I finally feel alive. I have really worked on me and figuring out who i am a mom. I do not want someone else to be dad to these guys because i do not know how that would go. I also do not know how to date as a poor single mom. I want a marriage not a commitment.

You need to read Plan A an Plan B.. Can someone find a link?

I hear your mind saying you want nothing to do with him, but you are struggling to actually break free.

Plan A involves being caring and showing him what a great marriage you could have for a short period. Plan B is about not having any contact with him until he agrees to write a no contact letter ending it with other woman. While in plan B many people grow strong and figure out what they really want, which I think would be good for you.

While you are still 'friends' you are meeting some of his needs, OW is meeting others. He has it all that way. You are enabling the affair. He doesnt deserve your friendship while behaving this way. Plan A him first though.

Many people will tell you to dump him straight away, and I think much of you agrees! But the feeling of love is persistent in you and sometimes you need a plan to find a way out of limbo. That way you will know you did everything you could to save your marriage and it makes moving on easier.

You also need to expose the affair to everyone who can influence them- do people know? Do they support you?

It's great that you have worked on yourself, I think thats half the battle.

Have you told people close to you that he is seeing another woman, thats kinda key. Expose to anyone who you think could help him see what he is missing.

Have you asked WH what it is he wants? Does he want to divorce, move in with his skank?

Do you want this man or the fantasy of what you want him to be?

You don't need a man to make you an amazing mum and woman.

But if you decide you really want this man,, the father of your kids, then you need to start fighting, not enabling.

Read like crazy here, order surviving an affair and hang on for the vets.

my family know of the affair and hates him. one family member of his knows and can not help because she lives far away and he will not answer calls. He has one friend that knows and has been trying to help. Then there are two family members that know but do not care, he is a grown man and they think he can do what he wants.
I have been leaving it to him to tell his family.

hope, I would strongly suggest you file for divorce so you can protect yourself financially and legally from him. That 401k and tax money rightfully belongs to you and your children too.

I would expose the affair to his entire family. Let them know what their "adult" son is doing. If my son were behaving so trashy, he would have a big problem on his hands: ME.

Your next step should be to go into Plan B, which is to cut off all contact with him. He should not be allowed in your home and any communication should be facilitated by an intermediary. But first, get the book Surviving an Affair and read the links about Plan B. How to Plan B correctly

Listen to Mel, she knows what shes talking about....

I am working on plan B
Because I worked on myself i am ok that he is not happy about this at all. Thanks for giving me the tools and the push to get going to the next step. now i just need to retain it is all do it and do not let him lead it is my time to take the lead. But i can still be nice but hard on the facts at hand that need to be done.

Be sure and expose his affair wide and far!

You need to file for divorce in order to keep him from emptying that 401K.

As long as you two are married and have not filed, he can empty it completely today


and leave NOTHING FOR YOU>


NOT ONE CENT


and there is nothing you can do about that.


File.


Then, while the papers are in the works, you can decide if you want to work on the marriage or not.


But protect yourself financially for the sake of your children.


Call a lawyer now.

he already spent all the money. I sent him a letter of agreement that i thought would work but have not heard from him since.

he stress sleeps maybe that is what he is doing but i am filling out the divorce paper work and getting everything financial i know and have then i can file my side and see what is next.

i wrote a contract that he agreed. everything 50 50 as we work out all or problems. He will sell truck and all money goes to kids collage fund. He will live with us with no physical contact with me till i am open to it. also he will write the letter to ow that i see and approve. All family members will be told of affair and both of us will need to write letters of our wrongs we did in the marriage witch send it to two people and each other.

i hope he really comes throw i do not know what would be next if it all is not done. i am trying to let it all be facts and not emotional.