I would say that you could expose, but use the exposure letters that are already on threads in this forum. They are the best for taking out any emotion and making you look vindictive. SOme of them are on the thread linked in my siggy "Newly BS"

Do all of the exposure at once, and then go dark as night and try to heal from this nightmare.

Hang Tough. You are one tough cookie.

Thank you so much. I would have done this sooner, I just didn't know it even mattered, but it obviously must. There really isn't a whole lot of people to expose it to, but some is better than none. I'll be happy to go plan I just found out how much financial aid I'm getting for school this fall. Lots of stuff to look forward to.

This is the best one I could find but none of them really apply:

Here is a good letter for you to use [modify as you see fit] to send out to OW's facebook friends:

Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence. We have been married for XX years and have 3 children, aged 5,7, and 12. They are heartbroken about their fathers affair.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I am asking that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.
Thank you, BW

What I want to do is send it her sister, mother, and father on facebook. I'm not totally sure they are couple anymore. I don't know WHAT is going on. I just think they should know that I want my husband back and my children are hurting after us spending time together. Her sister in particular seems to comfort WH when he's low. From what I have read on her FB her hubby has left her for another woman and she *may* be sympathetic to me wanting to fight for my family.

How about:

Dear Family of OW,
I am writing this to let you know that I love my husband with all of my heart and I am fighting for our marriage. Our children are hurting deeply and need to have their father home with them. Please use whatever influence you have to persuade her to end this affair so that he can return home.
Thank you
DMH

Also, should I block them after I send the letter so that I don't read their responses? I clearly have trouble keeping my mouth shut once something is said.

Is that sterile enough?

I think you should get a bit of a larger list of people to expose to, maybe her aunts, uncles, grandparents? Also, I would get a few more thoughts on what to write.

Do you have any people in common with OW on FB?

I didn't block any of OW's family when I exposed(unfortunately I missed her mother, as she remarried argh). I only received one response and all it was was, "I know OW, but I don't know you." I am CERTAIN that OW heard about it though, because her FB became PRIVATE after that(I was in Plan A, so I was still looking, and it was right after some security changes on FB HAHAHAHA).

I think that your letter should be a bit different, I am not so good at these things, so wait a day or so and get some other opinions too.

"Dear family/friend of OW,

My name is DMH, and I am married to WH. OW and my husband have been having an affair for XX months/years and my husband left our children(list children's sex and ages here) and I to be with OW. I would like nothing more than my family to be intact once again, but that can't happen as long as my WH and OW are committing adultery.

I am writing you this note to ask you to use your influence to persuade OW to end her affair with my husband, to give my marriage a fighting chance.

Thank you
DMH"


You should wait a day, and see if others would like to pop in and weigh in on if this is a good idea to do now, and if this letter is good enough.

Who would you expose to? And what about WH's family and friends? Has this been done on his side as well? For it to be most effective, you should do it on both sides at the same time.

That's the thing....her family is sort of trashy from what I can tell. I don't even think they'll care (except for maybe the sister). I don't know who's on her friend's list as she has them blocked. I can look around on her mother and father's lists to see if I can find some people.

My WH doesn't talk to anyone in his family, but his brother and sister. I have no idea how to get in touch of his sister and his brother never did like me because he's a drug dealer/thug and I wasn't having it. My WH also doesn't come from much. His mother died of cancer on our second date and his dad died of cancer 1 year ago so I can't expose to them. Also she's a 21 year (well 22 now)old girl that is not married and left the boyfriend she was living with to move in with my WH. There really is no one to expose to. :o( That's why I skipped this part along with the fact that I thought them living together for the past 5 months was exposure enough. I am blown away that I got the response I did (anger) and am quite pleased with it.

I love your letter and I am so glad you are letting me know that waiting a day or so is okay. As you all can tell I feel quite panicked by it all and do things quickly. I just feel like I've lost so much time being "done" with it for 5 months. I wish I would have found this site so much sooner.

A lot of us wish we found this site sooner, but I think we find it when we are supposed to.

I wouldn't have been stronger enough to do what needed to be done if I had found this place sooner. Woulda, coulda, shoulda, are no longer here in my choices. When I knew better, I did better. That's what matters most.

Get some sleep. I know how hard that may be when these things are running through your head, but you need to take care of yourself FIRST.

Even without this, you did a SUPERB Plan A and a SPECTACULAR entry into Plan B, not just stick to it and get dark. You don't want to ruin any of the hard work you did, and pain you went through to get here.

Thank you so much for the encouragement. And you are right, I do believe everything happens when it's supposed to and for a reason. I just ache for my family, just like all of us do.

You have a good night too. :o)

I was wondering if there was anyone on here willing to be an IM for me. My brother is doing it right now, but he is going through a separation himself and this is emotionally draining for him. My WH called him screaming after he found out I had talked to the OW, my brother took the call during a meeting at his work, and everyone heard it. Thankfully it didn't cause any problems, but it still left my brother reeling and told me I needed to just move on with my life (even though he wants us to reconcile)because it was so painful. I can't seem to get find anyone that actually "get" plan B and will do this right. I still think my brother could help, but I would just love is someone who understands would help me. I'm going to still keep looking for someone in real life, but pretty much everyone I know is just too emotionally involved for this.

I could totally be jumping to conclusions, but it seems like he is still with the OW, and what I did really didn't help at all.

He sent my IM a message this morning asking for our daughter for an hour for her birthday on Sunday. I told my IM to tell him that I would like him to have all three of them and he can have them longer than that. He replied that he only wanted the baby. I told my IM that would be a no go because for him to only take Abby would hurt the boys too much. We still have to negotiate times, but other than that, he has agreed.

It sounds like he only wanted the baby because he wants the OW there and she can't tell on him. I feel good about how I responded because I was being very generous and I was able to get them all there. I'm just wondering if he'll still have her there or not.

In light of this new info, do you think I should just scrap sending more letters out, or still do that?

I feel so many things....I do feel like I'm sort of in control again, but I'm also sad. I was really hoping I did SOMETHING sending that NC to her. Looks like I'm in for a long, dark plan B. :o(

Unless someone has another suggestion of a letter or has any reason to feel that this is not the right thing to do, I'm going to go ahead and send the letter. Since the OW's list of friends is blocked I'm going to do all the family member's on her mother's page. Then I'm going to go through the most commented ones and send them the letter. Then I'm going to just go down her list of friends and start listing it. Then everyone can know what kind of daughter she really has.

I'm going to go ahead and start sending it. I'm afraid he's going to change his facebook picture and it matches mine right now and shows we spent Father's Day together.

Go for it DMH.

Expect him to be MAD (furious is more like it)
Expect it.

Expect her momma to throw a fit too (she's gonna be embaressed by her trashy daughter...)

I hope so!! Unfortunately, I did get all the family listed on her mother's page, but after 14 messages FB has suspended my message abilities.

I really need to find a new IM. My brother supports me, but he does not agree with this plan B stuff. He is super stressed over it all. Please, if anyone here can be an IM I would appreciate it so much.

Something tells me her mother is probably proud of her daughter. I saw her mother's myspace photo and she's in her bra with her pants unzipped and her hand is.....I can't even believe they allow that.

*sigh* I know her sister has been on and she has said nothing. Only one person said something and all it amounted to was an apology and what did I want them to do about it. I didn't really expect a whole lot from exposure, but I'm really hoping that she's at least embarrassed that everyone knows what she is. I doubt it though because I didn't hear that he had anything to say from my IM. Now I know he's not supposed to be telling me, but his voice is usually stressed when my WH is being mean, and he sounded fine last night. I'm glad for that, because he's going through a hard time. I'm just sad that maybe this didn't do anything at all.

Okay, it's working. I'm okay with him being mad, but he sent this to my friend:

I Would advise you to tell my wife to stop . Shes not only infearing
with my life but others as well. If she does not stop it will also be
inerfearing with yours as well. I will give you to your dad. I have
just as many people helping me as she does her and equaly as good at
it if not better. So this stops now.

My friend is afraid of her father and has been running from him for years. What am I going to do?

Does your friend have some sort of protective order regarding her father?

No, she hasn't seen him in years. I don't want to go into details, but she fears for her son. She has no idea where he is. I imagine if he tried hard enough he could find the info. I don't even know her father's name.

I am also worried about my brother (my IM). And my WH husband threatening him. I also do not want to go into details. But from the beginning my husband has been ruthless when angry. He left me and the kids with no money and spent our 4K tax return on her while he know I was one day away from getting my electric turned off. I'm worried about a lot of stuff...and now I'm scared.