She hasn't gone into plan B yet, I believe.
She is gone for safety from the scary OW who threatened her.

Line up an IM and consider implementing plan B.

You must remove even more from the madness MFJ1974.

Ok MFJ, I've dealt with a ws like that. My xwh. He in the end also had 2 ow and ironically, my watch went "missing" in my home soon too. It was a rolex, gift for having our son. Suddenly, a few weeks later after it went missing (right before I filed) I saw a glimpse of ow2 and she had on a brand new rolex, not mine, but still a rolex. Wonder where she got it from?

Anyhow, what had happened was my xwh was coming in my home using a key he'd had made. After I filed, he paid for my new residence (I left with my child) and he somehow got a key to that house too and was eventually arrested for him breaking into my home (the neighbor saw him and called police).

I was in plan B at the time and other pieces of jewelry had also gone mysteriously missing too. Hmmm.

Anyhow, once when I left with my son a few weeks later (to see relatives) he also called the sherriff's office on me to say we (my son and I) must be in danger b/c I am refusing to talk to him on the phone. (bhahahahaha. What an idiot! LIke he thought he could make the police make me talk to him).

He has placed you and the kids in harms' way because of the affairs he is having immorally with these skanks.

I would not only have ow2 arrested for stealing (you might find out your wh has been doing what my xwh did), but I'd find out and maybe get a pi to get a background on both of them to see if there are any criminal records. Betcha there are!

Those are also golden things to have around. That your wh was cheating with women he wanted to put the kids around maybe, who had criminal records. Judges hate this kind of stuff.

anyhow, be safe. Get a RO if you have to in order to remain safe and do not worry about the lies the skanks are saying. They will say ANYTHING to avoid their real truth getting out. Including threatening you and threatning court in any way.

YOU are in the drivers' seat and YOU decide what YOU want to do now. Get the IM and go directly and safely to plan B. I agree w/Melody in that you need to get him to deposit x amount of $ monthly for your expenses and for the kids. No further communication needed unless thru IM.

Btw, MFJ, police know sometimes that an abusive spouse will try to call the police to attempt a desperate try to force contact on you. They are smarter than that.

But if you have the direct threats, then by all means, go to radio shack and get a cell phone recorder so you can get your calls/messages recorded in case either ws or ow1 or ow2 try to threaten you at all. Put recorders on all phones and carry a var in your pocket. Any email threat will go straight to both police and possibly the attny.

If you are that scared have an attny or you go directly into the judges' office/chambers and talk to their paralegal or assistant and get an emergency hearing for a Restraining Order (RO).

Yes we seem to have a problem getting an IM. That is why I had to text those orders of business.

I'm physically far removed from the situation. We, the girls and I are taking an extended vacation.

I miss my husband, terribly, but I now realize this is still a fogbabble return request. He thinks I will always be there and have the cake too. Time to really get working on that plan B letter, the better one.

MF, I thought you WERE in Plan B after listening to your call with Dr Harley but I see now you are not. I do hope you go into Plan B soo, though, because this is a very volatile situation. Have you exposed the affair<s> at the workplace?

We have a workplace exposure letter that goes to the Director of Human Resources if you are interested.

ok writing a plan b letter, and amendments, hopefully you guys can stick with me over the weekend to work this out asap, as he keeps on texting me.

Dear R, the love of my life,
I write you this letter because I love you. Because I believe in marriage, and especially in our marriage. I believe our beautiful daughters need to grow up with their father present. I believe in a marriage where two people come together and the combination of the two is greater than two people individually. I have often thought and still think about our wedding day, and the tremendous butterflies I felt standing at the top of the stairs, trying to come down gracefully, but my legs shaking so bad I feared falling down that endless long stairs. I look at the picture taken when we looked into eachothers eyes at the bottom of the stairs and it is full of love, and jitters. I also cherish the moment that you held EM right after she was born, so much love and pride in your whole body, you could NOT hand her over to me. There are many more precious moments that will stay with me forever, the birth of Anieka, buying the house, seeing you speed mowing, visiting you on the job(s).

I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affairs possible. I foolishly pursued my own interests without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me most, and we are now both suffering for my mistake.

I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that meet your needs, and I know I can fullfill your needs like no one else. But I cannot do that until you end your relationships once and for all.

Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. Untill we have set up a mutually agreable intermediary, please communicate through my lawyer. She will also set up visitations. I will not be there when you visit. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, it will have to be through Michele, untill an intermediary is in place.

I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the incredible suffering and desillusion I have endured because of your relationships with Shelly & Nicole and the continued contact after already working on our marriage. I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing that you are with them in heart and mind. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from Shelly and Nicole and are willing to follow the measures that were suggested to ensure total separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together.

I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage someday. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend.

I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day. \i still be lieve you were the best thing that ever happened to me, I don't and never did expect perfection, but you've always been pretty close to me.

I just do not want this hurt to continue, or happen again in the future. I just cannot be with you as long as you are in heart and mind with others, I'm just not willing to share you.

oyo
Marieke

Not commenting on your plan b letter (haven't read it) but wanted to tell you to be a little careful about how you may perceived to be treating your husband vis-a-vis the kids. Speak to your lawyer in your state about how, in particular, this may apply in your state but your husband MAY try to make a claim that you are attempting to alienate him from his children. You and I both know such claim would be bull crap and you'd like nothing more than to have WH leave OW(s) behind and recommit to your family HOWEVER the truth of the matter is that IF you don't reconcile your husband and you are heading down a divorce path that will include lawyers and custody disputes.

You've got a solid pre-nup giving you money, custody and the right to take the kids back to your country of origin should you choose. It will take a LOT for your husband to overcome having that pre-nup enforced in court...but you want to be careful how you play your cards to insure you don't give him anything to hang his hat on.

Let him talk to his children. Keep referring to it as a vacation and not a separation. Avoid any word games he may be playing if he text you that you are "stealing his kids" respond that that is ridiculous, we are only on vacation. Keep relational disputes about you and him and though I know you have your kids best interests at heart (and your husband doesn't) don't give him anything which could be construed or twisted in front of a judge to seemingly indicate that you are using the kids to manipulate him.

In the end...Just be careful. You never know with some judges. If you get a male judge that was alienated from his kids you don't want to give him any reason to side with your possibly ex-husband.

Mr. Wondering

Looks good to me. I just struck out a tiny part in a couple places. The lines sounded judgemental and you don't need them in there.

OK I thought about these things for some time, please give me feedback!

Requirements for discussing Recovery

No Contact established with affair partners and proof of having done so, and proof of continued No Contact for a period of time, provide phone records, text records, email logs.
Apologize to our children for the hurt caused to them by your selfish actions and poor choices. Support them with counseling and being accountable for your actions. Own it, no false pretenses.
A letter written to a family members apologizing for the hurt you caused me, our daughters and the extended effect it had on all lives of everybody. Expressing the sorrow and pain that your actions caused us to seek shelter to stay out of harms way.
Complete and radical honesty about our entire history together, including the current time we are on vacation. Confirm/prove that the things I was told are either correct or a lie.
Come up with a plan of how you think to establish bounderies and a plan of how I can 'trust but verify" in the future. Not my plan, your plan.
A post nuptial agreement that willl be extremely favorable for me in case of a divorce.
Marriage counseling, working on each others emotional needs, losing Love Busters, investing in eachother, and our family.
Agreeing that the Policy of Joint Agreement ALSO, and maybe even specifically applies to work related abscenses.
Change and create a lifestyle that is agreable to both of us, this includes change of housing.
If you think the path to recovery is hard, rest assured that the path to divorce is going to be equally if not more so hard. I willl fight against every second of visitation to protect our children from your immoral behavior, I willl fight for every penny of alimony and spousal support. Do NOT expect, or even entertain the thought that 'we could be friends for the sake of the children", or that this will be 'just between me and you', on the contrary, I will subpoena and deposition all I think are relavent or even marginally relevant and once the divorce is over, you will have no free rent in my head or my heart. My life will go on, and it will be a good one.
--

I feel as I'm leaving out some important things, but my mind is so wired at the moment.....

Need some thoughts/hugs

So Im about ready to go dark, but WH keeps on saying to the kids that ,we, will talk when Im home, so the opposite of my plan.

But he is not loving me, he just wants the family back together, not necasserily the marriage.

Anymore suggestions before sending it all off?

I do plan to do a lie detector test unannounced before I return.

Once you do go to plan B,

you sit with the kids and tell them that you love their father and they may have a relationship with him but you will not be speaking with or directly communicating with him unless he is ready to do some very important work to create a mutually supportive marriage relationship with you.

That someone else will handle communication between Daddy and you.

That you love them (the kids) very much and know this isn't ideal but hope that it helps things be best in the future for everyone in the family.

The five year old will understand kind of. The one year old will hear it but follow your lead and big sister's lead.

I think *I* am addicted to my husband, I don't know how to stop communicating with him. I guess when I do for quite some time he'll realize something is really wrong, though I think at this point in time, he may no longer really care

The letter and things are going off today, so I'll have to post here everytime I feel the need to contact him or something!

Sure enough, within 12hours he is texting me that he wants to talk to his daughters.

So, don't respond?

I wouldn't respond. Didn't you tell him that all contact had to go through your lawyer? He is testing you now to see if you mean what you say.

ETA: As a matter of fact, you should block his number on your phone so YOU aren't able to see his attempts at contact. He may wear you down if you don't.

Delete his texts as they come in before reading them.
Rinse and repeat.
Heck. If they keep coming, have temporary IM (attorney) tell him you are not reading them and all communication goes through them.

If you gave him a plan B letter and it specifies who he needs to go through for important matters.............stand behind your words.

Model for the wayward what you expect from him should he want to recover the marriage. No contact (seeing, speaking,reading texts/emails/letters).

You can do it.

Yeah, I'm not getting that part.... I had him blocked, and it shows blocked, but I still got it?

It's going through google voice btw.

Double check that with your cell phone provider.

Change your number if you're unable to block him. Make sure your attorney tells him that you have taken steps to keep his attempts at contact from reaching you.