I am thinking back to when I was going through this all(boy it seems like a lifetime ago).

I remember I had to laugh. I watched funny things, but NOTHING involving adultery. I still can't read or watch anything that has adultery too much in your face(you'd be surprised how often sitcoms, etc have things about affairs in them). I read funny things. Jokes, Sleep Talking Man blog(you should check that out, it's where my STM quotes on FB come from). I also had a friend who I could talk to, who didn't judge, and just listened. It was very important to me.

There were so many other things I had to do to get through, but laughter was the best medicine. I started boxing training too. It helps get out frustration physically.

You are doing great and your posts on other people's threads is BANG ON. GREAT JOB.

Remember, baby steps. And every night, when you don't call/text/email or go anywhere you can see him, congratulate yourself. For now, THAT is your main objective.

Last night was really craving the sound of his voice. Unfortunately there's no way to block stuff in my brain, such as that I know his phone number off by heart. Nothing except willpower! Which I have in spades, unlike SOME people.

Took some St J Wort last night. feel more level today after venting on here.

I do have a lot to be proud of myself for. Reading the Wayward Fog disassembled and decoded thread made me laugh my socks off.

Laughter really does help!

Laughter is major!!

I read that thread too last night, with WH sitting opposite me, was so hard not to laugh out loud. He really isn't yet in a place where he could see the funny, but I shall save it and maybe one day!!

You are still amazing (see I will fill your admiration needs in spades if you like!) you have fought like a tiger, implemented things and pushed your WH to do some serious thinking. I would put money on him really wanting to hear your voice too.

Hang on in there, have you got some old video of you two, that might give you your fix, but also might just set you on a downward turn too.

Get out in the sun, enjoy!!

Thinkin of you hun

Had been planning to go out with friends Friday night and was really looking forward to it. I had a rough few workdays though, then it rained buckets and the tidal wave of sadness knocked me flat again, so I didnt go.

Ive also been pretty agressive with people too. Though when people do nice things for me, like letting me past them in a queue, Im absurdly touched.

Feel prety good today though. However my tenth wedding anniversary is just two weeks away and I am dreading it. He had said we should go away somewhere nice for it some months ago. Then he refused to discuss it as it got nearer. I don't think I should be here when it rolls around.

You should get your closest friends and go someplace nice. Cry when you need to, and have fun when you can. You need to do nice things for you. ((hug))

its on a weds and too short notice for most people. I can go somewhere with my mum though, have to look into it...

Just seen a FB message from blackwidow's FiL, who is also grandad to what must be two very confused little kids right now.

(Is uncle softlad our daddy now? - you get the picture)

He's not gone into any detail, just said he hopes I am well, says its 'been four weeks since your email' then given me their phone number, wants me to call them.

I must admit I am quailing a bit at the thought of telling all this ugly stuff to two parents grieving for their son.

I also don't know if s'lad and his skank have managed to spin me as the jealous crazy wife. I have proof to show them though

I know her MiL and she have never got on. MiL hates blackwidow's guts, to be frank.

But when a woman controls your access to your grandkids, you might not have the luxury of giving her a piece of your mind kwim?

However the sword wielding part of me is thinking I CANNOT wait to fill them in on whats been happening in that lovely house, which their son's life insurance money paid for. Which is supposed to be the sacred, unviolated home of two grieving kids.

They had serious run-ins with blackwidow since DF's death to do with everything from funeral arrangements to access to the kids. (The versions I was told painted the in laws as villains, but I have sort of lost faith in their versions of stories)

Their 'interference' has sort of led softlad to consider them sworn enemies. He would go totally nuclear if I talked to them...

Indie,

Me personally, I would call and thank them for their support. That is what you requested from ppl in your exposure letter.

Explain that you have left the door open for the M, but have moved on to your own personal recovery because softlad will not meet your conditions.

No need to drive a knife into their hearts. They suffered enough.

It is good to have so many ppl on your side Indie.

Sorry if you are having a down day
I am sure it will pass soon

Yes and use that info to enlighten the mans parents
It's the adult and responsible thing to do

Love that you have moved onto abbreviating softlad

Moving forward awesome

I would say that you should tell them. They have a right to know who is going to be exposed to their grandchildren and the kind of morals that are being taught. What they choose, or choose not to do is their own business.

I think that you should definitely get out and do something on your anni. Last year, my first anni without WH, I went to a show at the casino with a few girlfriends. It was great, kept my mind off of it. I did have almost a year of Plan b under my belt at that time, but I still think it did me good not to be sitting around thinking about the day all alone.

Yeah I do need to get out and do something on the anni.

As for DFs parents they have had the outline facts exposed to them already as part of initial exposure, they must either want details or to offer their support.

I'll play it tactfully by ear. Looking forward to it in a strange way. Its only right they know whats happening with the kids, they must be wanting to know more. I would.

I wanted to let you in on something, that isn't quite a secret. When you hear ANYTHING about your WH, or OW, you will be sent into a tailspin. I am afraid that this is what may have happened to you as of late.

Indirect contact(third hand info) is easier to recover from than direct contact, so keep that in mind.

Stay the course, and you will find that you are able to recover a bit more quickly, and refocus on what you need to accomplish.

You're doing GREAT, you don't even know it. Stick with it, and you will see vast improvements. Stick to it.

I am doing great beause of all the great support from you all. Now I am going to bed before Scotty tells me to. (My mum is v impressed with you Scot !!!!)

I was going to be a bit soft on you today, since it is a Saturday night, and you can sleep in tomorrow. I know how sometimes things happen, and your mind races, and you just can't sleep. I also know how getting into a good book can keep you up until wee hours of the morning(guilty as charged).

Thank you to Indie's mom(still working on accepting compliments), she raised a good egg.

Wishing Indie zzzz.



T/j: Scotty, you are awesome, girl! You'll see me here a little, but I've "been" here for 3+ years and you rock, lil' lady.

Morning, Indie (and, you should be in bed by now so reading in the morning).

Carry on ladies...caring from afar.

Iam reading this morning,thanks Surfer! getting some me time before calling DF's parents this afternoon....

Spoke to DFs dad on the phone. He says his wife is keen to see me face to face. She has stepped out to see a neighbour, so I said, well have her call me when she comes in, and we'll set something up. I said I was free to come round this evening.

It sounds driven by the wife, rather than him. She has never liked her DiL and seems very eager to get the goods on her at last. She will ask for evidence, I can let her have it and it will cause one heck of a row for OW. I see no problem with that run of events tbh.

I think I need to be careful to ask them not to reveal any recent news or updates to me. Then I need to be careful to stick to only verifiable facts and encourage them to do the same. Think I need to keep it short and neat.

Went to see DFs parents. It went very well. They told me a lot of eye opening stuff about their DiL but as that's not what I went there for, I've put that aside. They told me I have their support which was nice. (I knew them way back, before DF got togehter with his wife) Then they told me they feel 'less alone' after receiving the message I sent on D Day because she had been gaslighting them. I had been really worried about that, because they got such an upsetting message on their late son's birthday.

Glad that it went well. Also glad that you have some new supporters. That should help you be able to continue to stick to your guns.