Married for 16yrs have 2 children. I've known my wife since the 5th grade. She dated a guy in high school, who I always hated, broke it off with him to go out with me and we have been married ever since.

We moved down to VA from CT about 7 years ago. Last year, my son had a lacrosse game about 30 miles away and who is coaching the the other team? You guessed it her high school sweetheart. A couple of months go by and she hits me with "I love you but I'm not in love with you". As I investigate, they started texting and calling eachother over the course of 2 months. She wants to separate. She immediately withdrawls from me. She starts insulting everything I have ever done for her. We go to counseling and immediately accuses me of playing the victum card. The worst thing she ever said to me in counseling was " I want an hoest and loving relationship with me, Brain (her freind) or someone else. So I completly ignore her. Finally she comes back and apologizes for her actions. Then the withdrawl starts. This past January it happens again. This time she admits to having lunch with him and she had been communicating with him through gmail. We go to lawyers and separtation paperwork is almost signed until she calles it off and wants to work it out. Finally I agree but with stipulaions. One of the stipulations was to never talk to him again. This was in March.

In May, she hits me again with I might of made a mistake and Im not sure if I love you anymore. I asked her if she loves him and she responds with a I dont know. After a week or 2, I finally hit might rope and told her to leave. She begs to come back and promises to make it up to me.

I'm torn on what to do. Its been a month and she does seem to be trying but I'm affraid it's going to happen again. She acts like nothing ever happened and when I try to talk to her she always turns it on me. Im pushing her away or backing her up against a wall. I want to beleive her but I can't. She has lied to me so much , how do I ever trust her again.

What should I do?

Welcome, Imtorn. Questions, please: what are you doing to confirm that she is in NC (no contact) with OM? Is OM married? Have you contacted his wife about their affair?

She works from home so she is always on the computer. I really dont know how to confirm that. I don't want to monitor her every movement. She says she hasn't but hse lied to me about that before.
OM got a divorce last September becuase his wife had a an affair on him about 2yrs ago.

I would suggest you get a keylogger on her computer to monitor her activity. www.spectorpro.com has a keylogger called eblaster that gives excellent reports.

Do you snoop through her cell phone or your phone records to confirm that they are not in contact? What have you actually done to confirm that there is NC?

BTW - please do not disclose to your WW that you are visiting this site. We have tools here that are used to end affairs. You don't want your WW to know what those tools are, or she will find a way around them.

I have looked at phone records but she stopped that last year. As of right now I have not seen any phone records or texts.

Email is the best way for her to communicate becuase she knows I can look at everything else.

Imtorn,

OM got a divorce last September becuase his wife had a an affair on him about 2yrs ago.

Where did this story come from, from experience there is a good chance OM is lying about this. The fact may be more like OM was the one cheating, his W is a good person and OM just "forgot" to tell the truth.

Talk with OMW, she may provide you with useful information on OM, to help convince your W of what a skunk he is.

"Divorced" OM might only be separated.

God Bless
Gamma

Thats a good idea. Both MW and OM have told me that the affair occured. I was also told the divorce was final in September and that he is dating someone.

But, getting in touch with the OMW should shed some light. She has no reason to lie to me. I think?

Of course you don't. Everyone wants to trust the ones they love. But your WW cannot be trusted.

You need to sniff this affair out like a bloodhound.

I would get that keylogger on the home computer asap. I would also get those phone records and check them out.Check out her cell phone when she's sleeping.

You are being far and away too trusting, friend.

NOTE: Do not let your WW know you are doing this! If you find something, bring it here first and we'll help you with what to do next.

I couldn't agree more. You need to install the keylogger and it will show you her emails. You need to arm yourself with the full knowledge of the situation, and not rely on what your WW tells you.

I know it's very counter-intuitive to not trust your spouse. However a wayward spouse CANNOT be trusted. Period.

I have used the specter soft eblaster and it works very well. Do not let on that you are doing anything out of the ordinary and make sure you have enough 'alone' time with the computer she uses to install in secret. It actually only takes a few minutes and you have to have an 'admin' password on the computer. From that point on, you will see everything she is doing on that computer and the software is virtually invisible for her to detect.

I am also sorry you have to be here, but please trust the folks on here. They know what they are talking about.

IT,
Sorry you've found in necessary to join us here. Start thinking of the taking the following actions through step 8.

1- KEEP ALL THESE ARRANGEMENTS SECRET FROM YOUR WAYWARD WIFE!
2 � Put a keylogger on any computer you can access that she might use.
3 � Put �Flexispy� on any cellphone that she might use.
4 � Put a GPS on her car, reporting to your computer.
5 � Put a VAR in her car, and in any room she might use to take �personal� calls
6 � Get a mini-audio-recorder, and have it in your possession and �on� whenever in her presence.
7 � Put together an e-address list of anyone who might have influence on her � parents, siblings (sisters, especially), coworkers, college friends, clergy, hairdresser, anyone.
8 � Put together a similar list for the POSOM.
WHEN YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE,
9 � Put together the electronic evidence for each AP.
10 - Write a cover note for your wife�s contacts, to the tune of: �I must unhappily inform you that my wife, XXXXXX, is carrying on an illicit affair with YYYYYY. I am hoping to recover our marriage, and ask if you have any influence over her, to urge her to abandon her cheating lifestyle and return to me and our family. Her cell number is 111-222-3333�
11 � Write a similar note to POSOM�s contacts.
12 � Send out both packages, to all contacts at one time.
13 � Brace yourself.

#6 is highlighted. That unit will be your best defense against the "malevolent, vindictive witch" that WWs have the potential to become as they realize you are fighting for your marriage. Do not discount the possibility. Several of us here have enjoyed the "kind" attentions of the law enforcement goons when summoned by WW on a bogus domestic violence complaint.