How do I go about getting them combined? He has a friend that does lie detector tests, though I suppose a friend of HIS may not be the best choice. I'm just a mess right now, and I'm grasping at straws, trying to figure out what to do.

Believable (which I wouldnt say it is) is not the same thing as true. There are two sayings I've seen on here which really resonated with me

1) If a wayward's lips are moving - they are lying.

2) Trust what you can verify

What do you know to be true, what can you find out? Lie detector test sounds good to me.

You say: "I'm assuming if the opportunity ever arose again, he'd do it again".

Find out. Ask him this when he's hooked up to a polygraph. Besides, if he acts on every opportunity, this would mean he has two or three gfs out there. Or other indiscretions you NEED to know about.

if the lie detector isnt hitting the spot with you, you could start in a sneakier fashion and use keylogger on computer, voice recorder to catch him talking on the phone when you're out, gps to see where he goes when not with you.

hugs. Do you have someone trustworthy to lean on?

Let me see if I understand this--You've only had the results for a week, but your WH has already been to the doctor and been tested 'for everything' (which btw, is not really 'everything' since that is near impossible) and he has totally clean results back?

No, he was abusive. You asked "ever"... the answer was yes, a lot,... but it was in the past. I left him, and he admitted that he was abusive - the only other time in his life he has apologized for anything - and we made a fresh start. This was about 3-4 years ago. For the sake of my children, I left. For the sake of my children, I went back. If he became abusive again, I would go. He knows this, and has done nothing even close to that since. He still yells like a banshee when he gets upset. We're working on that, as it is linked to his cheating... impulse control. He doesn't have any. Likewise, he lacks the impulse control to stop smoking pot. He never drank. He hates alcohol.

I found out I had syphilis BEFORE I knew he had cheated. He confessed the same day I got treatment and further testing. The next day he went to MY doctor and received treatment and testing as well. The results came back yesterday. I believe my doctor. I see no reason for her to lie. "Everything" consists of HIV, Hep B, Hep C, Herpes, Gonorrhea (sp?), Chlamydia, and HPV. I'm sure there may be more... but, for both of us, those tests came back as normal.

Well, I am sure your doctor would not lie. Did you see the results yourself? Speak to the doctor directly?

I got MY results back already. My results are clean. The doctor won't share his results with me, but they are mailing a copy to us. I will call the doctor tomorrow, to see if there is anything that I should know about that she CAN tell me,

Oh Hops,

He hasn't been abusive for 3-4 years? Do you mean "just" physically? Alrighty then. Do you know the exact date of his last physical abuse of you? I was slapped ONCE IN MY LIFE by a man/boy when I was 19, and I remember exactly where I was, what time it was, what the circumstances were, and what I was wearing. I am now 47. Never even came close to happening again in so many years. A foreign concept to me. And, he still yells "like a banshee"? This not abuse to you?

He "hates" alcohol, but "can't stop" smoking pot?

Seems to me that an A is the least of your problems, but rather a symptom of much greater problems. Sorry...my opinion.

Rather than thinking of how much abuse is too much, that it's not like it used to be, that as long as you are still with him you can control it, and that if you leave it will be worse...how's about considering that fact that ANY abuse is TOO MUCH.

You owe your kids an abuse-free environment. Verbal, physical...ANY ABUSE. I'm sad for your kids that you aren't protecting them. What is your boundary?

Click "notify" and asked that your threads are linked.

"Likewise, he lacks the impulse control to stop smoking pot. He never drank. He hates alcohol."

And, Hops, how do YOU feel about his smoking pot? Do you? Be honest.

Nope, it's not true. Speaking as a guy who had an affair, I can tell you that's a pile of manure. Don't get me wrong, I was as big a sinner as anyone -- but letting some skanky stranger that you just met put her mouth on your...? Ewwwwww!

Your husband isn't ready to face up to his selfishness if he's trying to hide behind an excuse as lame as "Hey, any guy woulda done it." For any instance of marital infidelity, there are no excuses. There are explanations, but not excuses. (And "Any guy woulda done it" isn't even a good explanation, 'cuz it's not true.)

HIV doesn't show up in tests that quickly - I believe I've heard 6 months, 12 months, and 36 months - you need to test at each interval to make sure they remain negative.

You might want to talk to your doctor!