Hugs MFJ

lots. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((MFJ)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

This is what I wrote on Facebook to a friend

Thank you Alyssa! Despite a lot this journey has been good too. I have found how many true friends I have, and others who's colors are more questionable. I've found people who went an extra mile for me and the girls without any selfish thought, and I've found new joy in life. I have found that I have so much to look forward to, and that I'm lucky in many ways. This is not a journey of despair, but a journey of strength and discovery, and in the end, I will be victorious, in more then 1 way! I count my lucky stars, but there seem to be too many!


PS of course there was another text message, that the girls must call him, he misses them. Nothing about having set up a number to do collect calls to, or having set up Skype, no effort on his part, just the self serving ego boost he needs. Serve his needs without taking the financial effort (no money in our joint account), he really doesn't know how to fight for anything, he just knows how to be served.

And I keep on blocking the number, but it reappears, however, I wasn't phased by it. This was from the man I loved so much for so long and felt neutral about it. Didn't feel the need to respond. I think plan B is starting to work for me.


But you know what think helps much too is exercise. Biking for me clears the mind.

I'm sure this is another phase. Temporary relief? Maybe my marriage was the addiction, and unhealthy.

More texts have arrived......... Must restrain myself......... I will

MF, ideally, you would be deleting the texts without reading them and asking your IM to contact him. Do you have an IM?

No IM, my lawyer for now, not the best. And there is no line of communication going.

He keeps on texting about the kids and how they need their Dad etc, yet he can't set up a phone that can receive collect calls, so they can not call him.

I'm not responding.

MFJ, in order for Plan B to work, you need an IM!! How is he going to make arrangments to see his kids?

Well, we're vacationing in Europe, so there is not much visiting at this time.

And the longer I'm here, the less inclined I feel to return. My plan b included a lot of distance.

I told him to set up Skype and collect calling, he hasn't. He can contact them anytime, but I'm not paying for it.

He cleaned out the joint checking account, right?

That's a good defense if and when he (and his attorney) ever try to claim you tried to alienate the children. If he absconded with the money than he can't, as easily, claim you prevented him from contacting the kids. You just couldn't afford it.

Mr. W

I'm very angry at the moment. He set up Skype, but his daughters were the 2nd contact, ho#2 was already there. I guess my exposure did nothing.

You are angry cause you're frustrated.

He isn't doing what you want him to do when and how you want him to do it.

OW2 is a skype buddy and he revealed that......so.......should you ever think you and WH are rebuilding.....you can watch out for that from him.

Yk?

Take a deep breath and refocus.

Yes I'm just so hurt, so incredibly hurt.

Where is the man I fell in love with and married? Why do I need to be treated like this?

Remeber saying this? The further you get out of the drama and the more peace and space you give yourself the better.

You will have a lot to process and grieve for - the man you love is an addict who is throwing away valuable things to chase a cheap nasty addiction.

Dont give yourself anything new to process, work on you.

I'm so glad to have found the support here!

Me too.

So interesting about Neaks story, I too thought that since WH was sooooooooooo sorry that the no contact had been in place, and it apparently wasn't!

Later I tell about my father, his 2nd wife and how indeed marrying your mistress, which he did, doesn't even remotely work!

Got to read more about Neaks, hope it turns out well.....

If it makes you feel any better. My dad ran off with his mistress and married her, They have now been together 11 years, and are helping me with my stitch, which makes things a bit interesting.

My dad was horrified I exposed, I wonder why

However, their marriage is not the same like my parents was, and the OW is turning, or trying to turn into how my mother was when their marriage was good. But my dad used to be extremely affectionate with my mom, and this is just plain sterile. He's not happy. I think if he could, he can't for different reasons, he would RUN back to my mother.

OW can barely stand how my dad is treating me and his grand kids. We are staying at their house and it is time for us to move forward, before we completely outstay our welcome. Her kids also adults, get treated as kings. And my parents divorced when all kids were in their 20s!

Yes, divorces are mistakes.

BUT now I have a BIG favor to ask, is there anybody here that would be willing to be my/our intermediary, I really got to do this plan B right!

So here we go..... Now I need to put things in the right spot, AND NOT MAKE MISTAKES!

DD5 did the video Skype with WH. He asked her when we were coming home. She wisely replied, when Dad is ready to be a family again.

Not even an hour later he called talked to her, and she said Dad is done thinking and wants to talk to you mom.

After initial shock and hesitation I took the phone. I told him I would listen. I'll try to remember all he said. It is frankly a blur. He said along the following lines. He doesn't want to discuss things till I'm home. He can have all my requirements in place when I get home. But he wants to do them with me.

I said I couldn't do it, until I had reassurances. He said he understood, and if it meant anything, he thinks about me all the time, he misses being able to call me when things happen, and that I'm not there when he comes home.

Now, he is sounding like the real husband I had. But I'm having reservations.

I told him I would think about this for a bit. How shall I approach it from here?

His words

He wants to enthusiastically implement my requirements together.

I did at one point say I didn't want to be in a marriage of 3, and he replied he would never ask that of me.

Sorry for the multiple post as I'm remembering, and posting from my iPad, I seem to be unable to scroll.