Fact is, you were unfaithful.

Adultery-Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse

Yes, admiration for sure.

Just an FYI, so there will be no more question about this,
So this was most definitely adultery.

I would suspect your H is into internet porn.

What she has described here is adultery, plain and simple - it's not even up for debate:

And yes, she was unfaithful:

un�faith�ful   /ʌnˈfeɪθfəl/ Show Spelled
[uhn-feyth-fuhl] Show IPA

�adjective
1.not faithful; false to duty, obligation, or promises; faithless; disloyal.
2.not sexually faithful to a spouse or lover.
3.not accurate or complete; inexact: an unfaithful translation

Infidelity harms a marriage, adultery harms a marriage, and THIS has harmed THIS marriage.

No she wasn't. Unfaithfulness requires practicing some level of dishonesty to get one's needs met outside of one's M, and there was no such dishonesty here.

Marriage is a closed contract. When you open it....the contract has been broken. There are some people who argue that the contract is about "honesty" rather than "exclusivity", but opening a marriage invariable dilutes it's value as a covenant and opens it to RISK. Promiscuity waters down honor and marriage vows until they mean NOTHING.

I truly believe that there is a sanctity in the exclusive (emotional AND sexual) union of TWO people that provides the strongest bond, the most opportunity for depth and growth, the most stable environment for children, families and communities. It weakens us as a society when marriage models are flawed or fail.

If you "want it all"....don't get married or have children. I could care less if people want a hundred sex partners....but don't marry....and don't bring innocent children into the nightmare you're creating for yourself and bring them into the risk and drama that open marriage INVITES into your life.

Every time you add another person, another couple, fuzzy boundaries and wishful thinking....you increase RISK exponentially.

You think marriage with two people is hard??? Lord in Heaven....just start adding sex partners if you want a crash course for self destruct, shame and pain.

Can it be done successfully? Some say yes....but *I* don't believe it...I say....it's just another fantasy like the rest of affairs. I was hippie, and we grocked like the rest of the "Strangers in a Strange Land". What a delusion. This stuff was tried and failed. The only thing that differentiates swinging from affairs is the *honesty*.....and most of the time....that breaks down anyway!! It starts out honest until real feelings get in the way.....and they always get in the way, because we're WIRED that way.

But even if it didn't. Let's say two people agree to share their bodies but not their emotions and do it all above board....this is not a recipe for marriage...it's a recipe for tragedy, shame, denial and divorce. The essential problem with swinging is that it takes energy away from the primary relationship with spouse, family and children. It waters it down. It strains it. It undermines the intimacy.

It's next to impossible to share something as intimate as sex, and not develope affair-style biochemistry that acts on the marriage like ANY OTHER AFFAIR. You're kidding yourself if you think your biochemistry won't betray you.

I've spoken to many many people in this situation....and sadly....the results are as predictable as any other kind of affair. Somebody wants it....somebody gets talked into it. There is an agreement. It goes okay for a while....sometimes even a good long while. Then someone crosses the line....they start to hide their emotional involvement with one of their sex partners, or they get that "in love" biochemistry and there's no difference at all in the script....bla bla bla.

I honestly can't understand why people who want an open marriage, get married at all. Polyamory, open marriages, swinging....they are finally nothing but a selfish illusion that eventually blows up and creates shame and the destruction of families....JUST LIKE ANY OTHER kind of infidelity.

I've done extensive research on this subject. I have found absolutely NO evidence whatsoever that these models are sustainable long enough to raise children. In fact, the only research available says quite the opposite. The only place you get a real rosy picture of this lifestyle....is on the sites that promote it! Duh

It's a trap, a Brigadoon,....an insidious cancer like any other adultery that promises Utopia and delivers drama and heartbreak. There are probably a few die hard swingers who follow through....but for the majority of us....don't try this at home!! There are people who try to jump the Grand Canyon on a motorcycle....but that doesn't mean it's a good idea.

I agree with people who say that humans are probably not naturally monogamous. No siree....it takes strength of character to avoid temptation. It takes pain and forgiveness to move past the pitfalls and failures. But to me, that's precisely what makes marriage so special and unique...that we can rise above our primal roots and make a commitment that transcends even nature. That we care enough about one person to be MORE than our sexual yearnings for change. How cool is that?

However, the reasons WHY the M is harmed are different. Affairs involve some level of dishonesty on the part of one spouse, in order to get their needs met outside of the M. Was any of that involved here?

What has happened here is that in the M, one spouse has apparently had a need met by the other, at the expense of the other.

I think that something a bit more than using the usual MB A-busting techniques needs to be involved here. I would start by trying to find out why her H was so enthusiastic, before AND after, about indulging in the threesome.

Has he asked for any more, BTW?