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Marriage Builders Forums Infidelity Pregnancy/Child unwelcomed visit from ex

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Re: unwelcomed visit from ex resolutionseekrs #2533659 08/05/11 10:30 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	Originally Posted by resolutionseekrs .. I am however seeking to find alternatives to the view that I have of the situation. We have been to counseling and they have suggested that I leave it in the past and move forward yet the story doesn�t add up not for me so what to do how to move on and trust? AGain, you don't need "alternatives" to your view of the situation. You need the TRUTH. Get a polygraph test. That will settle the issue so you can move forward. Since the story doesn't make sense, you won't be able to move forward. Once you get the truth you can move on. Line up a polygraph and get the truth. [quote] Am I being mean and unwilling to trust or is it that what I am being asked to believe is not likely to be true and anyone would have trouble in this area as well? [/quote And of course you shouldn't trust, that would be silly to trust an untrustworthy person. It is not "mean" to disbelieve stories that make no sense. That is not healthy for your marriage or your mental health. I would try to find a qualified counselor who knows what they are doing. Yours does not. If your wife wants to be trusted, she should earn it and pass a polygraph. That will be a good first step in earning your trust. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

Re: unwelcomed visit from ex resolutionseekrs #2533660 08/05/11 10:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	I would show your counselor some of Dr Harley's quotes on the issue of "trust": Originally Posted by Dr Willard Harley, clinical psychologist and founder of Marriage Builders "One topic is loss of trust. How can a spouse ever trust an unfaithful partner again? My answer is that the spouse should never have been trusted in the first place. I shouldn't be trusted by my wife, and I shouldn't trust her. The fact is that we are all wired for infidelity, and under certain conditions, we'll all do it. The way to protect your marriage from something that has been common to man (and women) for thousands of years is to recognize the threat, and do something to prevent it from happening. Basing a marriage on the Policy of Radical Honesty and the Policy of Joint Agreement goes a long way toward preventing an affair. Being each other's favorite leisure-time companions, and not being away from each other overnight are also important safety measures. Meeting each other's most important emotional needs, avoiding Love Busters and building an integrated lifestyle, free of secret second lives, are all ways to affair-proof your marriage. With these measures in place, we end up trusting our spouses because an affair becomes almost impossible to achieve." here "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

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