Right hbd, your pity fest has just lost you the advice of one of the wisest people on here. Are you up to doing something about your situation or not?

Bingo.

Yes, I do. And a marriage where my husband thought so little of me that he would even consider watching me commit adultery would be over. Because I would know that such a man did not love me and suffered from a deep, depraved soul sickness. And to think you believed such depravity would make him love you MORE.

I think the basic problem is that he does not love you, but you don't even know what love is. If you you did, you would know that any man would tolerate this does not love and cherish you. Because you don't understand that any man who would wh*re his wife out like that doesn't love her at all.

You have confused love with depravity.

I am just wondering what you get out of this relationship? A man who has affairs and thinks so little of his wife that he will wh*re her out to some loser; where is the payoff? What could you possibly get out of such a relationship?

Indiegirl - You are right. This was a revenge affair. I hadn't thought of it that way, but you are right. I take full responsibility for this. I was lazy and used my h's affair as an excuse. It will not happen again. I will put EP's in place. I am not ready to let him go though. I can't live without him.

Prisca and Pepperband - You seriously think this marriage can be fixed? How?

hbd Pep is gone.

If you want to keep the rest, you have a lot of proving of yourself to do because you have been ignoring good advice and telling yourself whatever you want to believe.

I think your situation is actually beyond my help and that you need the best vets you can get AND YOU NEED DR HARLEY.

Good luck.

Youll need it.

I don't believe it was a revenge affair at all. It was you trying to buy the love of a very wayward man. But the fact that he allowed it to happen just proves he has no love and no regard for you.

Btw, anyone can live without a wayward and you may need to accept this very difficult prospect. That doesnt mean you cant do everything you can to see if it can be saved first.

Im bowing out now. Bye.

Yes. That too. So what do I do now?

What is your opinion of a person who would love you more if you sacrificed your principles and all semblance of decency?

Just chiming in to say

yes

you CAN live without him.

You could. You choose to continue in a relationship but don't confuse that with having to be in one with him.

Call Dr. Harley on his radio show. Do whatever he tells you to do.

What EPs? Don't be vague.

In order to make it, you are going to have to have a complete and utter lifestyle change. You are going to have to do whatever it takes to protect your marriage at all costs. Your husband will have to do the same.

NO emotional needs get met outside of the marriage. NONE. Not even with your spouse at your side.

Absolutely NO 3rd party in your sexual relationship. Not a real life man or woman, or online. Your sex life is CLOSED to the outside world. The porn you and your husband watch together has probably contributed to these fantasies. The porn has got to go. It is not healthy for your marriage.

Your husband must agree to change your way of life as well. And protect it.

Thanks Prisca.

My EP's will be:

Avoid conversations with men.
No going to bars (alone or with my H).
Meet all H's needs and tell him how to meet mine.
Be o&h with H and myself.

We have an agreement that we cannot watch porn unless we are together. I have been watching my H's inet usage and he has kept his word on that. I will talk to him about stopping all porn usage, even when we are together. You are right about it not being good...it has desensitized me/us.

posted to you before ***EDIT***. you already have issues in your relationship. you are going to bring porn into it, not to mention a 3 some.. i am not a prude but wtf you are already playing with fire.

get some confidence. look at who you are and your character and get out., or dont stand for this behavior wtf were you thinking on this one- sorry

learn who you are... set your life on who you want to be not doing things to please others, wake up, i understand fantasys but come on are you just going to throw more on your plate, do you thrive on the drama.

do you have children i forgot?

you had alot of supporters and many that gave you very amazing advice and what happened?

just my thoughts, no vet just a bit angry with a wasted opportunity. sorry.

would you like to see my EP's???? break them and i am out. sorry so harsh but i have standards not that if not upheld..i am out. we are in agreement on that!

I know. I've truly made a mess of things, haven't I? Believe me, no one is more disgusted with this situation than me.

I had another long talk with my H last night and he agreed to all of my terms, including no porn. He says he'll do anything to see me happy.

We will work through this. We have been through much worse and always work things out, so this won't be any different. We will just have to work together to get to where we need to be.

We have two young daughters, age 8 and 5.

Ok, I just sent dr Harley an email. They are supposed to send me an email with a time to call the show.

I have another question though...so, not going out to bars is now one of our ep's, but my h has an employee "boat ride" scheduled through work that will have alcohol offered. I can't go because it's employees only. Its only three hours long and he said he would come right home after, but i feel it doesnt comply with our ep's. I told him I do not want him to go and he reluctantly agreed not to, but he's upset about it. Did i make the right choice by not letting him go? If not, how should I have handled it differently? In other words, how do you poja a specific event?

Also, I've reread this thread and a lot of people say they think my h has a "wayward mentality." Does this mean that although he may not be in an active physical affair, he may be in an emotional affair or something like that? How can I get him to stop having a wayward mentality?

Why don't you read this - Herpapabear's thread about EPs

Perfect, thanks!

So, from what I can tell on that thread, poja does not apply to EP's because they are just compensation. correct? I did the right thing then...I just need to figure out a way to get my h to see it that way.suggestions?