The hurting and anger is just too much, and I've basically made my own bed.

My wife is texting/flirting with her boss, chatting late at night, discussing our marital issues and demeaning me, hanging out with him drinking and such, and the other night met him privatly to shoot a beaver late at night.
full secrecy about it all, they even avoided meeting a a place where other people might see (small town)

i doknow nothing physical happened yet. and he is quite a bit older and frankly i dont think she intends for it to get physical.

she lies over and over about it.
she talks with others in town about how I am being insecure just be cause she has a guy friend.

she relays our fights about him TOO him.

she has now agreed to stop texting and such but still makes me feel like I am being an [censored].

she has mental ilnessses,
very immature
selfish

she even has told me that if I treated her how she treats me she would leave.

i keep bouncing back and forth between wanting to fix it but i just get angry because of her reactions when we try to talk. plus I know for a fact that when she is with her firends (and some aqquantances, and her damnn boss) she makes it look like she is on teh verge of telling me to leave beaccuse I am making such a big deal over this.

last night we made love, but today I just couldnt take it and told her I was going to confront her boss.
she flipped out and accused me of being controlling again, and told me straight out she wouldnt forgive me.

ps: she absolutely refuses to quit.

it is a very small town and alot of the people that approach me and ask if things are alright make it sound like I should get over the "rumours" and get used to being in a small town. but the problem is that they only know her side, they dont know about the secrets and flirting etc...

ps: they oth know that each of them are hiding it from their spouse and others in town.

last time she told him we were still fighting over him, he offered to stop texting and hanging out but she said no.

i know deep down I have been taking this too long, and keep making excuses in hopes it will change. but in reality, she never even gives reason to have hope.

how do you get your self respect back when you have lost it?
i know the only thing i can do is seperate but i just cant do it, i just keep trying and trying and taking it and taking it

i am in counselling, have had 2 seesions and she has told me that there is really nothing I can do.
wife refuses to go (she will go if I drag her but then uses that against me) so i told her its up to her to go and she hasnt.

i confided in my friend (neighbor) the other night and he told me the whole town sees what she is doing and is wondering wtf I am still doing with her.

do i lay out clear boundaries and simply say if they are broken once its over? or do i see a lawyer and move on?

i feel hated by my own wife. Yet she thinks its ok because i am teh one she comes home to sleep with.

ps: yes we have other issues, addictions etc... but no time to go through them.

am i being totally naive by allowing her to just keep working there in hopes that counselling will help her see why i need her to leave?

She has mental illness and other addictions?

I don't think that the MB programme can be effective with the presence of these factors.

langaan,

While I agree that the MB program does not address the addiction or mental illness of your W, the OM is another story.

If like many OM he is taking advantage of your Ws vulnerability then like any gutless bully who victimizes your family he needs to be brought down.

Is he married and what evidence do your have.

Given the fact that he is your Ws boss you may be able to get him fired.

God Bless
Gamma

E-X-P-O-S-E.

Wow, why do you choose to live like that? She is just using you. Do you get some payoff in being abused like this?

I would file for divorce on grounds on adultery and tell her to hit the door. In fact, I would tell her to get on out NOW. Help her pack her bags. Get her out and then go into a dark Plan B.

This is not about her at all, but YOU. You are not a victim, but a volunteer so I don't feel sorry for you one bit.

I am sure she LOATHES you to the core. That is because you are an enabler and deep down she knows that.

he is married.

I have logs of chats between them.

The first one she makes complaints and disrespects to me, and he answers with his own disrespect.
The next one they make references to my wife making a statemnt about asking him to go to a bar for drink one night, him declining because he was busy, and her telling him "ah, you mean i put my sexy a$$ jeans on for nothing haha"

the next day she asked how the rest of his night went, he responded by sayind "drunk and horny"
my wife then said "oh haha, sorry about that, what a tease hey

there are also notes of the fact that they keep there texting secret from me and his spouse

i confronted her and she admitted to lying to me about her whereabouts while she met him late at night at a fish pond way out of town. They did not have sex, they infact did just shoot a beaver, but she still lied to me and her excuse for lying is that "i would just get mad" ??

she has admitted that she has crossed the boundary
she has admitted that they text alot
she has admitted that she likes spending time with him

but the meeting at night, texting, secrecy is all enough imo.

she is in total denial because she even tells her friends about it. in fact, she told her friend how she and this guy were on their cell phones talking and trying to meet out of town, but at one point she saw a truck that she thought was her friends husband so they purposely chose a different spot to meet. she expressed to her friend that he and she made an effort to not be seen.

the day after i confronted (which wnet badly)...
she had the nerve to go to work the next day and tell him all about it.

Langaan,

You need to gather more evidence, put a GPS on her car, a VAR in her car, etc and then lower the boom on OM with Exposure. Run silent for a little while.

They went to a remote lake to shoot a beaver? I knew a guy who told his W he was going fishing, was actually with his OW, and would buy fish at the supermarket to bring home. This beaver tail is equally fishy.

God Bless
Gamma

He doesn't need any evidence. He needs to go into Plan B and stop enabling his abusive wife. Plan A is not intended to be a way of life.

Plan B should have entered back in 2006, so you are about 5 years late. But better late than never. What are we up to now, 6 or 7 D-Days?

You don't need evidence. You need to file for divorce and ask her to move. You are much better off without her.