Hey NP's
Glad to see you are doing ok!!
To add to the other answers, I still also struggle with memories and missing "what used to be". My counselor has me recall the horrible things he did and lies he told when I start thinking down that path.
I was finally able to go back and start to re-read the start of my thread, which is actually almost a journal chronically everything that happened. Doing those things has definitely helped me to remember the bad and the fact that I still have my dignity and integrity intact.

Thanks missy! I know exactly what you mean. Even now when I look back at it it's like I have two memories - the man who used to love me, and the monster alien he morphed into (and still is). Every time I think about missing him, I remember the lies, the complete lack of remorse, the hurtful things he said and the way he blamed me for the breakdown of our marriage (and still does to this day!).

Sometimes I still have trouble imagining a life ahead of me where I will have to build a new marriage with someone else. I wish there was a handbook you could follow, "Just do these things and everything will be perfect!" Most of the time I still feel like I'm floundering. I'm happy, but still floundering trying to figure out how to adjust to my new life.

Trust me it is possible. After I divorced my WH of 26 years I met and married a wonderful man. We have been married 8 months...it is like a dream come true.

NP! Sorry to see you on this board but happy to see you are healing.

Had a bit of a rough patch last night. DD has been away a few days visiting her grandfather with WSTBXH. When he dropped her off she was really sad he was going (he's works out of town so he's a total novelty to her). She was crying and she said, "I don't want to see Mom! I was to go see POSOW with you, Dad!" Now, I KNOW this was a ploy to stay with her dad and nothing to do with me or POSOW. But I almost threw up. I've been feeling sick thinking about it ever since. It's just....this wh#re shouldn't even be in my kids' lives! And now this is the kind of thing I have to hear????

I guess I should be happy she has a good time with her dad and his gf. But still....

It was really really hard.

ugh,

Hi NP! I'm glad you're on here again. I visit around MB once in a while, and saw you post on Scottys posts. So, just wanted to say hi and I hope you stay strong! And I'm glad you're back to get the best advice possible from the folks here!

{{{{{{NP}}}}}}}

I'm wondering if anyone is feeling this same way I do.

I was thinking last night how I kept saying that finding out your spouse had an affair was worse than them dying, because it not only taints all your memories, but it's a hurt that keeps happening, rather than being put to rest - like a walking corpse that keeps kicking you in the face.

But, then I thought, if WH had died, instead of just wanting to leave, I don't think my life would have moved on. I think I'd still be sad, still missing him, still wishing he was around, still not WANTING to move forward, still clinging to those old memories. I think the pain would still be there, because I wouldn't have anger and disgust to fuel me into moving on with my life. Maybe I'd always feel tied to him, feeling guilty for moving on.

So....for those of you divorcing....what are your thoughts on this???

Not divorced or divorcing but for me one the reasons that it is harder knowing that my WH had an affair instead of passing away is simply because him passing away would not have been a choice by him and it wouldn't have been because of betrayal either.

My sister actually has a friend whose husband passed away while they were on their way to Disney. She told my sister that she thinks it is easier for her to deal with that death than it would have been if he had an affair.

I thought about that a lot when I was watching the movie "PS I Love You". Have you seen it? It really makes me cry

NP,

I am currently in the middle of a D. I am in plan b because I had to have a piece of mind. WW really thought we could be friends etc...

I will tell you that once you get into it and keep busy you really do start healing--now do I still think of ww and our past?--Yes!! However, I won't forget how I tried to recover my marriage and how she lied and never committed to our recovery along with the year long neglect and constant lying.

If she would've really committed I know I could have forgave her, but that addiction is a mean b#stard!

Now for the dying issue - that is something I could have lived with because there was no lies or deceit, just a good person that god had a higher plan for! God does not tempt people and for those that follow that road and then destroy their own families is such a sad act. I believe God doesn't do things to us he does them for us! For some reason he has something bigger and better for you--believe this.