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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1
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Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1 |
New to MB. I have been married almost 5 years and recently discovered my spouse has been having an affair for almost 3 years. After a long time of suspicion, I found an instant messager conversation on his computer that discussed a lot about their relationship. It was clear that there was something going on. I confronted and he denied it. He agreed to go to marital counseling where I hoped he would eventually admit to it. He agreed to cut off communication with her. We have been in counseling for about 2 months and he has still not admitted to anything, he just constantly denies and minimizes it. I found his old iphone (he recently upgraded) and found another conversation with her that has proof they were seeing each other and even having sex. I even found conversations with two other women he possibly could have been seeing as well as pics of these women on his phone. This is definitely it, but I need to confront him about the evidence I found while "snooping", but would like advice on it. Do I just tell him I was going through his things? I am not going to stick around and waste time trying to work it out any longer, so maybe it doesn't even matter. Any advice on confrontation would be appreciated.
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
You need to expose this affair to OWH, WH parents, and his siblings.
Did he meet her at work? Then you will to expose there as well.
Whenever a spouse is a WS money spent on a counseling is a waste.
Get all your contact info together then expose all on the same day. Look OW up on space book copy all her friends contact info then expose them. However on FB make sure you allow 1 full minute before contacting through FB because the system will block you.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I am not going to stick around and waste time trying to work it out any longer, so maybe it doesn't even matter. Any advice on confrontation would be appreciated. Wow, I am so very sorry. In your position, I would confront him with your knowledge but not tell him HOW you know. Tell him you have had him watched and know about these affairs. If he asks for more detail, tell him it is none of his business. I would strongly suggest you expose his affairs to everyone: his parents, your parents, employer [if applicable], close friends and family. If you know of any of the OW being married, I would expose to their husbands too. I agree with your decision to move on. He has probably cheated your entire marriage and this is a way of life for him.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Welcome to MB.
Please be sure to go through and read/study all the BASIC CONCEPTS.
New to MB. I have been married almost 5 years and recently discovered my spouse has been having an affair for almost 3 years. After a long time of suspicion, I found an instant messager conversation on his computer that discussed a lot about their relationship. It was clear that there was something going on. I confronted and he denied it. He agreed to go to marital counseling where I hoped he would eventually admit to it. He agreed to cut off communication with her. We have been in counseling for about 2 months and he has still not admitted to anything, he just constantly denies and minimizes it.
It may be difficult for him to even consider being honest with you.
I found his old iphone (he recently upgraded) and found another conversation with her that has proof they were seeing each other and even having sex. I even found conversations with two other women he possibly could have been seeing as well as pics of these women on his phone.
He's not looking too good about now, is he?
This is definitely it, but I need to confront him about the evidence I found while "snooping", but would like advice on it. Do I just tell him I was going through his things? I am not going to stick around and waste time trying to work it out any longer, so maybe it doesn't even matter. Any advice on confrontation would be appreciated.
Is this a correct assumption?
Advice on confrontation?
Is there anyone you might want to be there to support you?
If you know the OW's identity, can you find out if she has a spouse?
If she does, expose to OW's H first, then confront your H.
Best of luck.
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