Can anyone point me in the direction of threads where the OW is actually manipulating WH into divorce?

The affair was exposed wide and far, so they have moved into position to make it look like they will be dating after the divorce.

Are there any "Art of War" threads out there that shows how to counter this?

Does Plan B counter this the best?

Don't they ALL do that? I know my husband's other woman wants to marry him...

IITL,

Of course she will be manipulative, she is the ow and she wants what you have...your marriage, husband, lifestyle and pretty much everything (but the kids, ow don't usually like those as they are costly).

What I would do, as I have dealt with TWO manipulative ow, is this. First of all get all the 411 you can on the ow. That would mean hiring a PI and have a criminal and complete background search on her.

Find out her financial stats. And if you're in plan B, I'd have a mean, pittbull lawyer draw up sep docs with a hard nosed agreement made to put as much stress on the affair as possible. Plus, I'd have written into the document that there are to be NO OVERNIGHT VISITORS OF OPPOSITE SEX wile the children are in the home for custody or visitation. Usually from 8 pm to 8 am. That would prevent the ow from spending the night when the kids are present if he is living outside the home. In my state, that's pretty much usual language btw.

Negotiations with a terrorist go nowhere. I only spoke to one ow briefly to find something out but of course she only said one sliver of truth to me, but I found out enough and then never spoke to her again. How you DO deal with a marriage terrorist ow is to smack the affair down again and again and make it financially horrible for their affair to continue and make it so so so uncomfortable (maybe re expose a bit?) for her with friends and family so that she will never be accepted. And of course, keep the kids away from her as much as possible.

Plus, if you get some really good dirt on the ow, you can use that legally in any possible court hearing.

I remember the day when my lawyer wayloaded on my xwh in court regarding why my son was to not ever be left alone around the ow. We had some amazing new evidence and it knocked him over. Had we received the evidence that my xwh's skanky mistress HAD done drugs in the past (her roommate was arrested for it)my xwh I think, might have rethought a thing or two regarding her.

If you suddenly have the info (which cannot be refuted if it is legal and is also NOT heresay), and it shows either criminal behavior, a scary behavioral pattern, or possibly a scary financial situation of the ow, then you have some very interesting weapons in your arsenal in killing the affair.

Even a very wayward husband or wife might think twice if they find out their illicit romeo or skankiet harbors a criminal past or suffers from an addiction or maybe has filed bankruptcy like 3 times or has defaulted on each credit card she takes out???

Maybe there's dui? Usually you find SOMETHING. And when you do, you can expose that too, as it is NOT HERESAY.

I exposed it in court. From that day forward, despite the fact my xwh had at the time married the ow, he never allowed her around him alone ever and I had my son more and more even far more than our custody agreement. I wish I had that info six months earlier.

Fwiw, when she was not in the car with my son, my xhw's wistress ow/wife was caught driving under the influence one night near their home. We found this out later on too.

I immediately had my lawyer draft up papers saying my son should not be around her and that if my son goes to visit his dad, she is not allowed to be in ANY vehicle that moves with my son. Period.

My xwh could not understand how I found out, but I did.

Sometimes the wh/ww does not know their skanky affair partner has done these things. Sometimes they do and sweep it under the rug b/c their skanky affair partner has boo-hoo'd to them about it making it seem like not such a big deal.

MAKE it a big deal. (and ours was). Find out what she is hiding. For if somebody can lie cheat and steal and actively break up a family, odds are they have done something pretty bad in their lives before that. That's exactly what my lawyer said btw!!!

Btw, my lawyer further made her feel low and my xwh lower by stating that moving vehicle included a bicycle, a go cart, a dirt bike, a motorcycle, a pedal car, a boat with a motor, a boat with no motor and only oars.

The letter went something like this,

Dear X Husband Darth:

You are receiving notification that your former wife, peachy has found out that you did not provide us information regarding your new wife, Ms. Family Values, has received a citation for driving under the influence.

Because you were not careful in looking out for your son, thus placing him in harms' way with a dangerous driver (ow), we are hereby notifying you that if your child is allowed with Ms. Family Values in any type of moving vehicle at all, we will be filing further motions to better protect your son from the dangerous person and situation you have placed him in.

Your wife, Ms. Family Values, is from this day forward not allowed to be inside any moving vehicle with your son, and this would also include: automobile, bicycle, motorcycle, boat with a motor, boat with only oars and no motor, dune buggy, dirt bike, and pedal car or boat. Her background shows she is unstable, and it is our objective to make sure your son is safe at all times.

Respectfully,

Mr. Pit Bull Lawyer
Lawyer of Peachy and
Your EX Wife Goddess, Peachy

The best counter for this subterfuge is exposure. They can't pretend they "just got a divorce and THEN ...." if you expose the affair wide and far. This is why the OW's family and friends should all be informed. Then when she shows up with a married man in tow, SOME people will be disgusted. And others simply don't give a rip and will say stupid things like "I just want OW to be happy!" <squeek!> With "family" like that we should all be grateful the OW is not a serial killer.

Haha yeah.... the squeaking is how OW's mother and best friend behaved. What idiots. I hope there is at least a few people disgusted over there.

Heck I always exposed whenever I got a chance. Even after my divorce I did. I did NOT want their twisted version of the reality to become the norm. I did not get a divorce because we simply didn't get along anymore (what my xwh said).

We got a divorce because he began cheating, which caused us to not get along as well.

It is amazing what the enablers will do and say. My xwh's parents said basically the same thing too, along with pepperings of "we just won't get involved b/c we care for you too, peachy".

Maybe some of this sounds familiar.

I always say to re-expose whenever you wish.

Well Peachy

I sent OW an email letting her know she comes anywhere near my children I will get an RO. I will subpeona her to testify on her excessive drinking, and I will use an FBI PI (which I have two great friends) to prove she has driven drunk, and she is a danger to my children.

WH was so mad he used someone elses phone to call me and yell at the voice mail.

I do not want her near my kids. WH asked my eight year old this weekend if he wants to meet her. My eight year old said "NO" mommy doesn't like her and she stole you from us.

I hope she stays away. So far they both have been the type to try and push my boundaries. It is as if she is only doing it now to get back at me for exposure.

I exposed this wide and far. They can date after we divorce, but everyone will know she was the reason he abandoned his wife and four kids.

WH thinks he is a great father. Yes WH seeing your kids only four days/month makes you a wonderful POS father!