Thank you for your long message. Thanks everybody for talking to me. It keeps me going. I have ordered the book two days ago. I hope it will soon arrive an yes, I have been up and down the website reading and listening. It�s awful to realize that I have not only been feeling I had been starved off affection, but in fact to now realize I actually have. No matter what other people said. I also realize that my husband was not sexually filfilled. Maybe that�s the biggest reason why he left? But without ever being told anything positive or spoken to things are rather difficult.
Implementing Plan B is super difficult as we both run this business. We have founded it and we are now listed and it�s very tricky to leave. I mean I have invested all I am in this business as well. So I will need to stick with Plan !, which is horrible. And yes, I am dressing up every day in the office and I am smiling at him and sometimes come round with a coffee. He tries to ignore me a lot. There are days he does not tak to me and most of the time he actually decides to travel. But I bought a new dress. White with one shoulder free, rather tight with flowers and I asked via text, if he liked it and he said, yes, very much. And I joked saying I don�t think he even remembers and he answered "white with Flowers". So I now wonder, if he still likes me or finally sees me (sometimes) as a woman rather than mum and work person. He sent me a text saying, he does not want to any lomger and has made his decision and I shall leave him along. I had enough and I said, I did not want t him to come back as I would again not be a woman and I finally would like to be one. He just answered ok. Maybe too many details, but maybe you have some opinions?

I have tried to expose to the people I know off. My family, his, friends, the au pair agency and the charity shop she used to work at. She told plenty of lies in the shop saying she needed to cover for an affair I am having. Big sigh.... Well, I have now read a lot of au pair stuff and I am no longer completely puzzled. As for exposing to her family in Rumania - this will be tricky. I do not speak the language and I am not sure, if an English letter sent to her former address will help. What are you thinking?
His family is a tricky one. In the end, he is their son and they cover up, roll over and die. He is not used to anybody having a different opinion and I believe his family never told him anything straight. He can�t handle conflicts. All not helpful. Maybe I am completely stuck....

What would the financial impact on him be if you formalised the separation. Can you dissolve the business and force him into finacial difficulty, bear in mind you should already be taking a chunk of his money via the CSA. His primary source of attraction for the OW is money , the UK courts have of late given big payouts to betrayed wives , find a hot lawyer and go for all your husbands finances.

Do not let your fear hold you back, expose to his family and get a translator to translate a letter for hers. I doubt it will stop her as she is after his cash, she will ditch him once he has less of it.

Lola, the affair needs to be exposed to his family. That is not tricky at all. You call them, email them and tell them all about the affair. Ask them all to use their influence to persuade him to end the affair. Some will, some won't. That is ok. Just getting it out there and in the open will cause harm in the affair by shining the light of reality on it. The more people who know, the better.

Secondly, you will need to figure out a way to go into Plan B very soon here. Staying in contact with your H while he conducts an affair greatly lessens your chance of saving the marriage. Doing what you are doing is the most likely to lead to divorce. I would find a way to change your work situation and do it very SOON.

Let me explain why. Your continued contact with him has the effect of propping up the affair as long as he continues to get a fix of you. He won't have any reason to stop his affair as long as he gets his needs met in 2 places. And what will happen to you, is that your emotional and physical well being will quickly erode, making you the least attractive option.

Dr Harley recommends about 3 to 4 weeks of Plan A for a woman before Plan A becomes destructive. Here is what he says:

Xau, thanks for your reply.
There is no way to have him leave the company. In the end he is the current CEO, I am the COO. The board knows about what has happened as I told the Chairman. The CFO is aware of it as well. As this s UK nobody comments and says a thing. In fact it is essential for the company and the shareholders we both carry on. - So he will have access to his salary package as usual. However what I am now doing is, not to move out of our rather expensive place. I hope she will hate it, if he spents money to jointly pay for our rent. Same goes for school fees They take a lot of money out, but I try to match it and then pay it in into a different account. Otherwise most other funds, if not all are locked in. - The good thing is, he can�t get rod of me at work. More the opposite and the board knows. Anything else would also mean the would go after the company and it would need to be filled on the stock exchange even, which not be good. It also means, she will need to get used to me being round on a more or less daily basis. oes that not hurt her or make her feel insecure?

Melodylane, thanks for your kind words.
I wonder, if I have to give up. I can�t remove myself from this company. It�s not just a job and not as straight forward as I tried to explain many times now. I have a critical role to fullfill and 400 people rely on their salaries. I am not saying I am not replaceable. If I am to leave, yes, I loose everything, but also my reputation as a business woman and it will need to get filled at the stock exchanges and have a severe impact on the share price, which is not doing great. - In fact it will harm the business in a way I can�t take responsibility for. - Maybe too much detail. I am just trying to explain. I have read that plan A should continue for 3-6 months and then plan b for 18 minths. Maybe I got this wrong. reading the posts I am now completely confused about what I shall do and what shall happen. He wants to see his daughter I now believe and he as made attempts. He will also go with us to Disney, but wants to stay in a different room. Am I to sort his new room? I want us to go as our daughter worked very hard on it..... All awful.

That helps her alot because by staying in touch with him on a daily basis, you prop up the affair. Not only do you prop up the affair, but keeping you in the picture gives them a common enemy. That binds them and is a distraction from the problems in the affair. This actually makes her more secure. And when you start crumbling emotionally from the abuse [and staying in daily touch with a wayward is to have the affair rubbed in your face every day] it will help her even more.

Your strategy is what Dr Harley calls "Plan C" for compromise, which is the most likely to lead to divorce.

Oh no. Plan A for women is 3-4 WEEKS. Not months. Anything longer than 4 WEEKS is destructive, not productive.

Lola, it might take you longer to figure out a way to separate from him completely, but in the meantime, you have opportunities to run her off and kill the affair. You might be able to do that and avoid Plan B altogether.

The best way to run her off, of course, is to expose this affair. Make an appeal to his family and close friends to try and persuade him. At the very least, you will make her persona non grata in his family. Expose to HER family. They might be caring parents who would reject a married man and may have influence over her.

Let EVERYONE know about the affair so the OW will not be welcome except in the company of the lowest of the low.

Contact her yourself and tell her there is no future for her because she will be eternally hated by your children and your inlaws. Paint a very bleak picture for her.

Raise hell in the affair, Lola!!

Ok. I am trying to find a translator to send a letter in Rumanian off to the address I have. I will also include a picture of me and my daughter. I am not sure, what it will do.... We will see. I am sure he will be super upset in the end. I will need to wait for 2 weeks as she might be travelling home as per her original plan. Ideally I would have somebody, who speaks the language ring her mother. I will work on that... This could also be done while she is there...

I am not convinced about the raise hell theory, but will try.

Put another nice suit on today and he did not look at me, but said, new? Seems he is watching nevertheless!!! Good sign?

I would not wait to send the letter , all the better she is there when her folks get the letter. The pic should be all of you as a family. The letter should be recorded mail and if you can identify more than one family member at different addresses send each a copy of the letter. Good news should be spread far and wide it makes their fantasy unpleasant.

Those of us who have experience saving our marriage are convinced. If you don't raise hell you only make it easier for the affair to evolve and grow.

We would hope so. The goal is to upset the affair as much as possible.

I am surprised that the chairman is ok with your WH retaining his position as CEO. Most listed companies do not want to open the door to lawsuits by having a CEO with such blatant lack of character and reckless judgement.

Also, it is not changing jobs that will destroy your reputation as a successful business woman.

The street does not like these scandals. The forensic auditors may be your next living nightmare.

I can see how important this business is to you and I think you should put some serious thought into the real implications on it.

Don't wait. Expose now.

If you need to change jobs, you can simply tell a prospective employer that the CEO, your WH, was blatantly committing adultery and you refuse to work any longer in such a hostile environment.

Most people will understand.

(The rest, you wouldn't want to work for anyway.)

Xau,
I need to find a translator and have asked some friends, who know Rumanian people. Hopefully they will do it and then I will send. Trouble is, I don�t think I even have the name of her mother. So I will need to send to "family". Thank you. I hope it blows up. - Only other person now might be the dentist. Not sure, if this makes sense at all.
And I am also thinking of talking to the chairman again and asking him, why he just brushes over it.

Maybe somebody needs to wake the Chairman up? How would I do so? An volunteers for an email? ;-)

Dear Sir,

It deeply troubles me that so far nothing has been done about the adulterous affair Mr. Lola is blatantly committing with our former au pair.

Our company is known for its integrity, honesty, and for inspiring confidence in our absolute trustworthiness. I fail to understand how you can continue to let Mr. Lola represent those values for our company while they are the antithesis to everything he currently stands for.

I believe he can change, and become an honest and trustworthy man again. When that happens, he would once again be an excellent choice for our company. In the meantime, he stands for unfaithfulness, selfishness, and broken families. Are those the 'values' you want our clients to associate with our firm? Right now, Mr. Lola's reputation is going down in flames, and I would hate to see him take our reputation along with him. As chairman, it is your responsibility to make sure the best interests of the company are represented.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Sincerely,
Lola