Okay so my new x-wife has a birthday coming up and i dont know what to do about it. I have the 4 kiddos that cant go buy her something and i want nothing to do with her anymore. (she does have a bitter heart to me and her family while involved with OM)I think it would be best to let her deal with getting nothing as opposed to her feeling like she still gets the benefits of having me take care of bday presents for her. Any opinions here? Maybe just let the kids make her a card? I asked my former MIL and she is drawing blanks for what to do as well.

What would make the children happy?

I think you know.

This isn't about you or her.

Have them make cards, and take them to the store to have fun picking out small gifts to give her. Bring them home and help the children wrap the gifts, and have fun doing it.

This will reinforce to the children that both their parents still love them and that they come first.

It will also show your ex-wife that you are the better person and can put the children above your conflicts, that you are the better man (that will really stick in her craw).

And think about the lesson you will be teaching your children.

i hear what your saying. I guess im just still having issues with my whole divorce/wife having an affair and still having her life her way thing. Guess what she did with my kids for my birthday. NOthing. She was always blaming other people for the why she didnt. but the fact remains she didnt. This was a month after the affair was exposed in march. Anyone else have an opinion. I know schtoop is right, but im having issues with it.

I'll be contrary today....I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't make any spiteful comment to anyone, especially the kids, but I would be very very uninterested.

What he is teaching his kids by being uninvolved in his XW's birthday is that divorce is a severing of that relationship.

I think they should MAKE her the gift. Cards, poems, maybe pick flowers for her. That's all.

My ex always wanted to make a big deal of birthdays. Now she is with someone that wont. I think she should reap what she sows here. Im thinking i will have the kids make her something. Totally from them and not my pocket.

Lostman,

This is an opportunity to teach your children about gift giving.

What you teach them here will stick with them. So far, your XW has taught them that it's not important for children to recognize their parent's birthday. Would you like to teach them that as well?

What about that if we're feeling mad or spiteful it's okay to use the children as a way of demonstrating it? My girls fully recognize that their father will do nothing to help them with Mother's Day or my birthday. They call my mother for help now that they're older.

If you can't or don't want to spend money on your ex, go wiht Peachy's suggestion. Have the kids make something. The cool thing is that even while the end product is for your ex, the process is a special time you spend with your kids. You'll probably be a little frustrated and dismayed by the mess, but they'll have fun. If your kids are really young, there's nothing like a good old fashioned macaroni necklace, or four. They're oh so lovely and good mother's feel the need to wear them in spite of the paint rubbing off and the macaroni turning a little soft from the summer humidity.

Then there's the home make picture frames for slightly older children. These are just lovely especially if the children are really allowed full expression in terms of color and ornaments. These will have to be promenently displayed in the living room for years to come.

Pasta shell picture frames are nice, or crayon drawings of her. Time to let the children make a fuss or not. But see what they create out of a dollar each at the dollar store.

I like the ideas of keeping it low budget and what the kids want to do. She is used to getting a lot and now she will get what truly matters. gifts from the kids heart. I will say my WW turned into a spoiled little brat getting most anything she wanted to hardly anything at all now. She always wanted what everyone else had and her life was just never good enough. The last few years she has turned very high maintenance. i hope that someday soon she reaches a humbling place in her life as i have learned that there were many people that wanted what she gave up.