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I have a long post I've been typing since yesterday, but I'm on my way out the door and still have more thoughts to add to that.
I've been reading the forums for a fwe weeks and a current member that I know from another board has been helping me immensly.
I've been searching the forums extensively and I'm having trouble finding a sample NC letter, could anyone help me with that? The AP is continuing to find ways to contact my WH even though she has quit her job (he was her employer) and he has not made it clear that no contact means...NO CONTACT.
Thanks in advance.
Last edited by lemmix7; 08/03/11 09:45 AM.
Me - BW - 35
WH - 35
Married 11 years, 5 kids
Dday - July 8, 2011
Recovering
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Hi Lemmix, welcome to Marriage Builders! Please get your hands on the book Surviving an Affair. This book will help you understand how this affair happened and give you a plan to recover your marriage. Ending the affair is just the first step of MANY in recovering your marriage. In your case, the problem is not the OW, but the fact that your WS ALLOWS her to get through. That will continue until he closes off all avenues. Here is the letter from SAA preceded by Dr Harley's comments: My advice is to write a final letter in a way that the victimized spouse would agree to send it. It should begin with a statement of how selfish it was to cause those they loved so much pain, and while marital reconciliation cannot completely repay the offense, it's the right thing to do. A statement should be made about how much the unfaithful spouse cares about his spouse and family, and for their protection, has decided to completely end the relationship with the lover. He or she has promised never to see or communicate with the lover again in life, and asks the lover to respect that promise. Nothing should be said about how much the lover will be missed. After the letter is written, the victimized spouse should read and approve it before it is sent [from SAA, pg 58] OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.
Sincerely, XXXXX
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I was hoping you would see this, Melody!
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 29
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Thank you so much.
Yes, I have the books on the way to me, and we've been reading/implementing MB since I found out. And the person who is helping me, received a LOT of help from you Melody and she's steering me in the right direction. She's hard core.
When I get home later and post my whole situation, you'll be able to see her guidance. And yes, he's definitely allowed it that continued contact because HE was not clear that no contact meant...no contact.
Me - BW - 35
WH - 35
Married 11 years, 5 kids
Dday - July 8, 2011
Recovering
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
That is great that you are getting help from Ridic! She knows her stuff...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It's like a recovering crack addict looking out the window at work every day seeing a crack house across the street from him. And having him watch others in the street in front of him, out that window smoking crack. He'll see it. He'll long for it. And one day the boundary will be broken UNLESS HE COMMITS TO NC FOR LIFE!!!
demand that! You and your kids and marriage are so so worth it! If he wants the M to recover he must do that.
Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
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