My kids would have been between the ages of 2 and 4 to about 6 and 8. She already said they were never at home (in school or at daycare) This is may dilemma, Knowing more does not change her's our our past. Knowing she had 2 affairs that lasted from 1988 to late 2001, is devastaing enough. She said she hasn't been with anyone else since then. What am I supposed to do? I'm compelled to save my family. Learning to move forward is necessary. What does Dr. Harley think in this situation?

It's what you think.
How bad do you need to know?
Ten years wanting to know and the need to know has not lessened.
Schedule the poly. WW will volunteer info as the date approaches. This happens all the time.

Also not that the WW wants to lie but they want to always do damage control.

Thus how can a WW that has refused to tell you what happened be trusted when she tells you that OM was never around the kids? There is no way for you to verify this except ask the kids and a poly.

I don't know if I want to know anymore, that's just it. I just found all this out in January. We've been talking and going to counseling ever since. Actually, I stopped going because I felt the MFT was making it worse for us. I feel better since we stopped. I realize that any ommissions is for damage control. She has volunteered quite a bit already. her confessions have proven that she had the affairs. Taking the LD is not going to change the past. She has agreed to do everything I've asked. The only thing left to do is to try and rebuild and hope for the best. As for my kids, there is no point, she already confessed to the affairs and a ton of details. I'm still very much in a constant state of anxiety and depression over it. I keep saying to myself the most important thing is to save my family, I hope the despression and anxiety will go away as we begin to rebuild.

Here's the latest on my situation. We spoke at length about the poly and I added a post -nup into the conversation. she agreed to the poly and will sign a post-nup if it keeps our family together. I can see she is really trying to keep the peace between us. I had to leave town on a busines trip this week.

I asked her what she was going to do while I was gone. she said go to work pick the kids up from school and come home. at that moment she started to cry and repeated, I just want to come home, a couple of times. I asked her what she meant by that (with all the emotion attached) she said, I've hurt you so much with my choices, I never want to see you in pain like this again i will do all I can to earn your trust, and make you happy again. "I just want to come home"

I felt that was a metaphor for being with her family, the way we had intended so long ago. she agreed, by saying thats what she meant.

I asked her to tell me truthfully how long she had been feeling this way. she told me, she finally figured out that I was the most important person in her life about 2 years ago. Although she admits,Men ask her on dates or out for a drink during that time, she said she's felt no desire to be with anyone or explore or experiment outside our relationship. She reminded me that the reason she would sign a post-nup is because she feels she is ready to commit to me and is willing to lose everything to prove it. Ironic, since that may have been the case with the affairs. This time she acknowledges it. I know I will never do this again and will agree to a post-nup.

The hurt doesn't go away for me I still feel pretty raw. I try to make it through our days with no affair talk, and doing things that make emotional deposits, she does too. I wish she could come up with something that would make a bigger deposit into our emotional account, But I guess i have to let the little depsoits add up. we are spending alot of QT together, even though it's tougher on me than her.

does this all seem like it's going in the right direction, Am I missing something?