I don't think your husband is narcissistic or bipolar or any of the other pop diagnoses that are so prevalent today. Sounds more like plain and simple passive aggressive behavior. I'll bet that the more you told him what you wanted him to do or how to act, the more he would do just the opposite.

What insight would you like to hear? You seem hell-bent on divorce, then why don't you proceed with that? Get divorced and then find someone that fits exactly what you want in a spouse and don't worry with trying to figure out how it all went wrong or how you failed to change your STBX husband. But you will be tied to this man for the rest of your child's minority so you'd better find a parenting plan that's going to work - the whole "we're getting divorced but we've become better friends because of it" is nothing but a dream.

Before you do move onto another husband/partner, I would take a look at your own marital behavior also and determine if you come across as bossy, etc. Your STBX husband's actions were like him telling you "FU, you're not the boss of me now" and retaliated like a child would. Just food for thought.