I have been really down all week long. I can't figure out what exactly has set me off. Last Friday night, I was on my way out to have dinner with friends when I get a call from my H. He asks me if I am going to meet someone. I told him that I wasn't looking, I still want our marriage to work out. He said that's what he wanted to hear. He even called me sweetheart (I haven't heard that in so long). He called me again Saturday night, just chatted. Same Sunday. Monday night he informed me that Saturday night he had gone to buy himself some shirts (he told me that on the phone Saturday night) and that she was with him. My heart sank. Tuesday was the day from hell. A good friend of mine died, anything that could go wrong did. That night I asked my H if I could talk to him. He goes off on me saying he doesn't want to talk about us, can't we just have a nice conversation without that coming up all the time, etc. I explained to him that I just needed a friendly ear. He appoligized for jumping to conclusions. I did not talk to him again until tonight. He was in a bad mood and did not say much to me at all. I feel like something in me died. I want my marriage to work out, but I am really starting to think that its not going to. He isn't even coming over Halloween night to see our son. I feel so down and so lonely. I really just wanted someone to talk to. Thanks for listening.<P>------------------<BR>To Thine Own Self Be True<BR>A.K.A.<BR>PondVJ<BR>

Viki, Sorry I know how awful this can feel. It feels so good to hold on to hopes that we begin to grasp at anything - I am very guilty in doing this myself. But then we always feel ten times worse when our hopes get dashed yet again. Do you have some other good friends you can talk to? I know for me as well sometimes only H will do - but I try to turn to others first..<P>Take cAre,<BR>Starpony

I am sorry to hear about your firend. I know how that make you feel. My uncle died last weekend. It really makes you think doesn't it. It started a whole chain for me. I sat and watch his youngest grandson (10 YR.) crying. All I could think of was that at least he had memories of his grandfather, my grandsons won't have any. THen I thought about the fact my uncle was three years younger then my father. That didn't help matters. Then I thought of my FIL and MIL they are the same age as my father. H hasn't contacted them either since he left. Enough of that.<BR> You know he may be in such a bad mood because things are going well with the OW. He called you and talked with you. Then he changed his tune sounds to me things aare good in LALA land. <BR> Anytime you want totalk jusst holler. I'll be gald to listen. My email is diseiler@hotmail.com Be gald to listen.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

SDS and Starpony, thank you so much for being there. I really don't know how I would get thorough this without my friends here.<BR>Viki

Viki I just read your post on the affair over a year thread. Don't give up hope. I my H left three month tomorrow to live with the OW said he wants a divorce. I have not talked to him since the 23rd of Aug. I still have hope. I don't know all of your story, but I do know it takes longer then a month or two for them to leave the fantsy world they are in. Some times it can take two years. I know it sounds too long and I'm not sure if I can wait that long either. BUt I do know that you and I haven't waited long enoug. If you really love and want him back don't give up hope yet.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hi Vicki,<P>I am so sorry to hear about your friend. That is so hard, and right in the middle of your marriage crisis.<P>This is my take on your H. If sounds to me like things in paradise took a turn. I think that the things your h told you about wanting to work on your marriage is REAL. He called you sweetheart. This is GOOD. <P> Maybe OW got wind of this and didn't care for it too much. Sooooo, she tries to put her claws back into him. I don't think you h is taking this well. Maybe she is pressuring him. It sounds to me like his guilt might be eating at him a little. <P>I don't know, but it sounds like the other side of the fence isn't all it's cracked up to be.<P>Hang in there. I;m praying for you me friend.<P>Cheryl

Vicki,<P>I agree with SDS. Don't give up hope. If you want your marriage to work then don't give up hope. I know oh so well how hard it is. I have had a rough couple of weeks. I have felt hopeless some of the time or shall I say much of the time. <P>I think we cannot look to our mates to be the sole supply for hope. We must look deep with in our selves and to a much higher power. God. He tells us not to give up hope or let the evil in this world prevail or win.<BR> <BR>I am very sorry for the loss of your friend. That is a very hard thing to take. I am also sorry that your husband can't pull himself out of himself to comfort you.<P>Remember he is still in fantasy land and temporarily insane. <P>I do hope he changes his mind in regard to your son and Halloween. Those memories are irreplaceable. <P>I will make sure to lift you up in prayer tonight. <BR><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

SDS, CeeCee and Samatha, you are angels. It is so amazing to me how people you have never met face to face can come to mean so much to you. You are right, if I don't hold on to my hope, what else is left? Thank you for being there.<BR>Viki