Thanks, Scotland, I think you are pretty amazing myself!

As a former professional conartist, I am trying to think how I would cover up the smell of perfume I picked up from my adultery partner....

We were typing at the same time and I thought the same thing. I can think of no other reason he would have to tell you this story. For what other possible reason would he tell you that?

Do you see why you need to expose his affair at work and get him out of there?

Yes, absolutely. For so so many reasons.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{lemmix}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I am so sorry. But this can be solved. Bringing this all to a head NOW might hurt, but it will clear the way for your future.

You have all of us here, cheering you on. You can do this, Lemmix. You can. <3

Exactly what I was about to post. It was a cover story. A lot more happened than what you were told.

Hey all, I just thought I would update you.

Last weekend after I had posted this, was really really rough. I went all in and we had a really difficult Saturday, arguing over texting (not the best idea) about honesty (lack there of) and what not.

THen Ridic said something that someone else here I think said too, but it clicked, that I can't educate him out of an affair. So I just stopped engaging.

Sunday we talked at length and I told him I was going to have an attorney (I used to work for two and they are still friends) subpoena the text messages because I needed to have the whole truth. Not trickle truth. (This was my version of lie detector because I know everything was in those text messages).

This is when he fully came clean about everything. How it started earlier than he led me to believe initially. When the PA originally started (on father's day. Wheee! It'll be fun to celebrate that every year now), when contact had been since DDay, etc. Everything came out, as to the extent of the PA. Which was so hard to hear, but it was everything I knew in my heart already.

He said he didn't want to tell me because he was afraid to hurt me more (which I told him that wasn't possible) and because he was afriad to face waht he had done, to own up to it. (more in line of why he was really scared)

We had a joint therapy session that Monday, which went preatty well.

Last week he was very attentive, came home early every day, took a three day weekend this week. Spending a lot of time with the kids. Spending a lot of face time with me.

What we are working on is a list of boundaries. I'll help him with the list, but then it's up to him to follow it. But he seems to understand it's his problem with boundaries and crossing them.

He knows he has to leave his job. He'll be taking time off to do this. And get out of management. Because of his boundary issues. And his ability to cross that line so easily.

The OW finally got her NC letter. I sent it that friday and delivery was attempted that Sat but she wasn't home. She never picked it up from the PO, but I had it redelivered Thursday and got my sig confirmation Friday, and she had signed for it. So she's gotten that.

Now, I will be informing her husband. My best shot is on a Sunday given what I think his schedule is. I'm going to write a letter, have it translated and then hand deliver it to him. I think it's the best way to get it directly to him. But given the language barrier...I ca't relaly sit and chat with the guy.

So...that's about it.

Lemmix7,

Sounds like you have a good plan in the making, stick to it and then go from there with a plan each step of the way........
Remember there is always set backs or emotions that will overtake you, breathe through those and remember that this is a long process but it takes a strong leader to pull it back together, right now you have to carry him........
Keep him on the job search, let him know that you are proud of him for telling the truth and for fixing the boundary problems and the work issues.........
Paint a wonderful picture for him with a new marriage, a new job and a new stressfree life.......
I am so happy for you .....
jessi

Mt emotions are my setback currently. But I had an individual therapy session yesterday and Ridic has been helping me a lot with that as well.

The random thoughts that run through my head are:

Is he truly happy with me or is he settling?
Is he still thinking of her, does he miss her?
Does he ever compare me to her?
Does he ever think of her when he kisses me?
Did he think of me when he was with her, when he kissed her, touched her, etc.?

What was he thinking?
Why did he wait until I had gotten healthy and we had started doing things together again and I was trying so hard to reconnect with him?

I vacillitate between anger and wondering what I could have done different (even though I truly know the answer to this, nothing), to wondering if I will ever get my confidence back, etc.

I'm trying yoga for the first time this week.

Over all I just keep repeating to myself I AM enough, I AM valuable, I am Worthy and I AM Lovable. That I did not deserve this, that it wasn't about ME. It had everything to do with HIS issues, not mine. I'm not a bad wife or a bad person.

It's just hard to believe that sometimes.

I tend to hold these feelings back from him right now. Because I don't want to seem desperate or needy or vulnerable. I mean...he should want to be the needy one...right? LOL

I do acknowlegde the steps he has taken, the things he is doing. Taking time with the family, with me, etc. Because I do want him to know it is appreciated. I'm trying to give positive feedback.

And there has been some hysterical bonding. But, there has been other levels of intimacy too, that don't involve sex at all. Which, we haven't had in years either. So...I'm hoping that I'm meeting his emotional needs and he's trying very hard too meet mine.

I'm reading SAA so thoroughly too. like going over chapters so I can cement things into my head.