Oh, I'm well aware, just don't give a dern.

If I wanna bathe my children in the stuff, I would, but I don't.

I did speak more to DS8 about the perfume. I told him that Bampot may ask him to stop. He said, "I won't. I will miss you if I do." Well, that's that then.

not.your.problem.

Well, a little rant, but it seems funny to rant about this now.

Bampot uses the IM more that I do. Yeah, the one who didn't want to use the IM has started to use it more often. And I believe that it is about things that don't even need to be passed on, like asking what size shoes to buy the boys for school, and then, buying a different size and sending a message about that.

Affairs really do affect the kids though. DS8 had a rough first day of school. He had some anxiety over having to go upstairs for classes now, and wound up leaving without even entering his classroom. DS8 then talked to Bampot on the phone but didn't want to tell him about his day. On Thursday, a message through the IM asking about DS8 and his first day of school. 3 IM emails in a few weeks, all initiated by Bampot. WEIRD.

Still processing my feelings about my marriage(what's left of it). This personal recovery gig isn't easy. Sometimes, I have these crazy ideas that I can talk to Bampot. I almost convince myself that it is a good idea. CRAZY I know. That's why I don't. I just figured that I would throw it out there in case anyone else in Plan B ever has these same ideas, then they can see that it is NORMAL(at least I think I'm "normal" in this). Don't worry guys, I won't talk to him.

My anniversary is in 9 days. I will be busy at work during the day, and then at a school function in the evening. It will be a sad day, but I hope to be busy enough to not notice too much.

All in all, just some more fun times in Plan B.

Geez, I forgot about the perfume email too. That's FOUR in a few weeks. Huh.

Hugs to DS8 and mom.

I relate to your post.
and.....my anniversary is this month too.

Seems to be right on schedule Scotty.

Funny that two year mark huh? Worked like that with me also.

Although I had a more justified reason to leave my drunkard messed up wife, I still had no brains getting involved with another woman, and you know the rest, it messed up my marriges recovery real bad.

The first idea I had when I originally left, was to not date, go to school, take care of my health, and I was OK with that for about 5-6 months.. Say it again?..sure CP...

WISH I HAD MB OR SUPPORT LIKE IT THEN!!!

But the two year mark, it works both ways huh? Not only is he seeing her warts and pimples, but realizing at least in some ways it was all in his head, and who was really the important ones who were being hurt by all this. The kids. I know you know he loves them, now if he can get around to learning to understand even himself.

Now might be the time where he wants to start a dialog with you, of course about the boys, but you know it will be cake eating for his domestic support really. Because all of your relatives in "affairland" have these half-azzed understandings of how a marriage should be, like popping a pill, or compromising for affection, they will probably pressure you to make nice for the boys.

You don't have to change your passion for Bampot, he is still your husband acting like an entitled little boy, and not your friend. IMs are fine, and if it goes to the next level, lawyers and social workers will be fine too. You never have to see him again if you don't want to, and I applaud your character.

Its that character that will continue to hold you up above the others who fall down into the pit of complacency.

But also you are probably starting to see your own possibilities in the future, and if Bampot follows the pattern of most wayturds, and you are presented with the chance for reconciliation, you might find yourself in a place of distain for the man. Its a natural reaction also and I would not be surprised...

Keep the bar high Scotty, either a real marrige with the man you know he can be, or none at all.

Hoping for a transformation for Him also.

I'm gonna t/j, Scotty, but I just have to comment on the "changing" WH, and I can only make it on MB once a month or so....

It is amazing what W's will do to change for their OW

My H told me that the wh*re was very controlling of him... and he is 6 years older than her! She had an opinion on how he should wear his hair, what music he could and could not listen to, and even the type of socks he was to wear! The funniest part is that they only saw each other in person 3 times total during the A!

H asks me now on occasion how he should get his hair cut, or if he should grow out his beard. I tell him it's up to him. I mean, who am I to say how he should look? I love him the way he is, and I don't need him to change because of me.

Ok, t/j over. Scotty, I have to say, you are an amazing woman. I know I've been following your story for over a year, and also have been given great advice by you. You are so strong, for yourself and your boys. You are just a model of the MB plan. My hat's off to you, Scotty.

Thanks for making me feel "normal" Scotland. I sometimes have thoughts when watching TV or something, "Gee, I'll have to tell WH about this, he'll love it". And I had a very very itchy texting finger last week, wanting to move into Plan FU...you give inspiration, as like you, I know I won't.

As for the anniversary, it must be a run of them... mine is early next month. Glad you have made plans for a busy day.

Interesting about the 2-year mark and the increase in IM contact... Hopefully all is not going so well in planet wayward.

Regardless, continue to show us newbie Plan B'ers how it is done!

You Folks are such an inspiration to me!!

I'm at 2 MONTHS after D-Day and thought I was doing well!!??

It seems a lot of people were married in September. I never realized it until recently since everyone I know, IRL, have different months.

Thanx guys for the support. I don't think about what the using the IM means, as I am sure it means nothing, I just wanted to throw it out there. It's what I do. Besides, you never know who is watching and what is useful to their sitch.

Caracal, I think what you are talking about is something that is completely NORMAL during the beginning stages of Plan B. You were so used to thinking about one person for YEARS, you can't unthink them quickly. I would think about Bampot liking that movie, or that pair of pants. I would have the thought, and then tell my brain that I didn't want those types of thoughts anymore. It takes some time, and some real effort to change your thinking. You can do it, as long as you stick to it.

BTW, I have been soooooo lonely. My TAKER has been SCREAMING. I am scared to think of someone other than Bampot filling my ENs, but I have been wishing for a good man to do it. It's a step in the right direction for my personal recovery. I think that a big part of me is scared that I will give up on Bampot too soon. Silly eh? It's been almost 2 YEARS, how is that TOO soon? I just want a man who cares for me. One who treats me right, and would do ANYTHING for me. I realized during these past 2 years that I am a romantic person. I never thought of myself like that before.

When I pray for the right direction to head, I feel like I should continue on this current path a while longer. When I have thoughts that someone else could fill my ENs, it still feels wrong to me. That's how I know, I am NOT ready to file for a D. Although, on a funny note, I received my marriage certificate this past week. I had never applied for it before. I saw on a site about divorce, that you need your marriage certificate to file, so I got it, just to be ready. I opened it to make sure it was correct, and then put it away. No need to look at it.

Sometimes when I get started I just can't shut up, eh?. Well, off to watch "Anna and the King" on Netflix. I LOVED "The King and I" when I was a kid.

cd, it's great to hear from you. How high is PA on your FWH's list? I don't find facial hair on men attractive. I do like sideburns though. One thing about Bampot was that he started shaving his sideburns off. That was one of my first red flags, although i didn't know what it meant fully at the time. Seems OW didn't like them. Maybe your FWH has PA HIGH on his list and he is trying to meet it for you.

I hope all is going well with your MR. Are you getting all of your UA time in? POJA happening? All that recovery stuff going in the right direction? Just making sure, I don't think you could get through another FR. (((CD)))

I remember reading that September is second only to June for the most popular month for weddings. Mine is also in September.

If you would have asked me where I thought PA was on my H's list last year, I would have said quite high, because of the OW. I have never thought, at least in that respect, I fit his idea of PA... gotta love the few extra pounds of baby weight that of course she never had. But now, I don't think it's that. He's actually said he prefers someone with, well, who's not a stick! I know a lot of it is that he wants to look older - like early 30's isn't old enough or something. But I think in a lot of ways he's trying to be considerate, to make sure he meets my opinion of PA. I'm not overly fond of facial hair, but there are many worse things in life than that.

The H and I are doing, well, pretty wonderful. We are getting lots of time together, at least as much as one can with a preschooler. Thank goodness for babysitters! I think recovery is going better than could ever be imagined. We no longer fight like we used to. He has really come to understand why I can occasionally become paranoid and worry and has really been working on gaining my trust. I snoop, but I make it seem to him I do more than I really do, just to keep him on his toes. lol. I think he finally gets how much this tore me apart inside. We talk about FOW on occasion, if something triggers a memory for one of us, but it's more to work through it together. Those triggers really do start to go away more and more. I never thought they would.

Thanks for asking about me, Scotty! I do try to check in on occasion - you all here were my saving sanity. Stay strong! {{{{{ScottY}}}}}

Well, tomorrow should have been a happy occasion for me, but instead, it is a sad memory. 14 years ago, I married Bampot. I looked forward to a long life sharing many happy memories, including the birth of our children. Also, all of the accomplishments of those children, grads, weddings, grandchildren, etc. Now, on this date, I am home with our children, surviving each day by creating a life and filling a void left behind.

I grieve for the life I wanted. For the life I imagined I could have. For the life I had planned for my children.

I know I can survive my WH's affair. I have been making a new life for myself and my children. It is getting easier to move forward every day. I don't think about the A as often as I once did, but there are times that I can't seem to escape the crushing sadness. Today, is one of those days. I will be kept busy tomorrow. And I will take car of myself. I just can't see how September 20th will be anything but my anniversary.

Its celebration of Scotty day, too. Hope you are making a fuss of yourself....

Working and then an open house at the school, so that would be no. I have memories of going to a show at the casino with 3 girlfriends last year.

Well, at least with pretty toes, which is the important thing!

You really are the queen b! I could never do ordinary stuff on an anniversary day. Guess that is the difference time makes....

On my wedding anniversary, I take the kids out to dinner and we celebrate the day our family was created/founded.
I call it "Family Day".
The oldest child rolls his eyes and finds it a bit depressing but does it for me and the two younger ones.
Maybe it will grow on him.

I still do it. Cause I am the Momma and I wanna.

Time does change things.

I can't stay angry or sad for long, it takes too much energy.

When I get upset, or have a lot to think about, I escape to a cocoon. And since there is nothing good on TV(and some of the new shows had some references to A's and laffed about it), I am going to go read until I can't keep my eyes open. G'night all.

I had a weak moment where I thought texting Bampot, "I Swear" at 1032pm tomorrow would be a good idea. I have since come to my senses and remembered that it would be such a bad idea. I am going to make tomorrow the best "ordinary day" I can. Thanx Indie. That really helped me, more than you will ever know.