Good idea and question I will draft my letter.

I did not understand the fear of abandonment but it makes major sense and when I try to leave the house what he goes through. I have been reading up on this.

He said that when I say I'm done and I'm leaving that it terrifies him.

I guess I need to figure out if I have the strength to stick this out. I can't remove him from the house and I don't have all the funds to move out yet. I'm working on getting the funds together but it will take some time. So I'm getting pretty weak on my Plan A.

I will see what Dr. Harley has to say.

I'm having a horrible time controlling my DJ and my hate for him. He wants to act like we will just move forward and things will be better. I am having a tough time not saying how I REALLY feel but they are horrible thoughts and words.

I know I am verbally abusive with my mouth and think the best thing for me is to get away from him.

My DD said I don't like it that you guys fight all the time.

I don't like who I've become and what I do. I'm not happy.

IMO, a common thing for a WS. Frustrating for a BS.

The reason? They made the choices that destroyed it, and in their mind it's "Oh, well I'll never do that again!"

Us? Didn't have a choice. We were dragged into this.

So, first; what triggers you, and how can you manage those triggers?

Second;

How much UA time are you getting? (20+ during crisis - and REAL UA time, not watching movies or TV)

His top 3 ENs?

Your 3 worst LBs?

- how is he meeting your ENs?

Triggers usually at night it will wake me up and then I'll be thinking the whole time. I need to try and refocus on other things.

My worst LB' s are DJ and AO. I've been better on the AO and usually don't yell but calmly say really mean things.

His top EN are Admiration, affection and SF and RC.

We are together all the time but spend ALOT of movie watching. We go to the gym together so probably about 20 hrs of UA. The other problem is we can be just cuddling and I will say or ask something and he will say "you always have to ruin it with your mouth"

I sent the email to the Harleys.

One of my top EN is O&H and no he isn't doing that very well.

Well I talked with the OW's husband and sure enough my WH and his wife were talking. The BH said they are going to work on their marriage. She said they were only texting and chatting and never met him.

When confronted with all this he kept trying to lie. He said I'm blowing this all out.

I'm not happy to say I hit him and broke a door.

I left to check myself into a hotel and that is where I'm at right now. I should've handled myself better. All that work I've been doing.

Please someone I'm going crazy.

Can someone help me with a plan of this mess?

I have written the Harleys but still haven't heard back.

Should I do another Facebook exposure?

BrainHurts,

Bumping for you -- I can't help but to say that I'm sorry that you're going through this. Your in a hotel now?

((BrainHurts))
Hang in there. Someone will be along soon who can help.

Yes I'm in a hotel. I've called BH, I've called all my family and his.

They all tell me to leave. I'm trying to get a plan to go into Plan B.

He is still lying and denying. Even saying that I'm making up texts from these OW.

He is saying all sorts of crazy stuff.

All my family and his family wants me to leave him.

I'm so confused.

I'm going to the church today to see if they can help me find a place for my DD and I.

I don't get any direction on here and so I post more for me to have somewhere to vent.

My family does not want me to talk to him again. I just need a place to stay.

(((BrainHurts)))

I wish I had some advice for you, hon. Has he checked himself into the mental hospital yet for treatment?

Nope but he did go to the doctor and they changed his med. He can't get into his psychiatrist until Oct. I think telling me he was going to check himself in was another of the many lies to keep me around.

There is one of the OW texting me and telling as I type this that he took a bunch of money from her. She is afraid he will come to her job and start something with her. She isn't married but been with her partner for 20 years and he is older and very ill. She will not answer me about if they were physical or not. Which if she is giving him money and about 3K I'm sure they were physical.

I wrote the Harleys and asked the question that HHH suggested, but haven't heard back.

WH said he will counsel with Dr. Steve Harley. We will see.

I know I need to go to Plan B but to do a proper Plan B I will have to leave the house and quit my job(we work at the same place).

I know I need to get away and I'm trying to get a Plan.

BTW I did Another exposure.

Got some good friends that called him on it.

So like I already knew but the OW admitted they had sex.

I think I just need up find a place and get out.

Contacted a lawyer and I might have a place to stay for a bit.

Should I go to the bank and pull my check out of the account that I just paid today?

Take the money , you are going to need it and secure at least half the savings into an account only you have access to.

Ok.

He is saying she is making it all up but she has some pretty good evidence. She said she is scared of him because she has seen his temper.

I asked him to check himself in to a mental hospital.

Meh.

Screw the call in. This guy needs serious help before he could ever be part of a relationship.

Just my amateur opinion.