I am so HOT for him! My betraying H! What is wrong with me. Am I acting desperate? Is it cause I want so much to take the sex part of their act away from the OW? That never really enters my mind. If I thought about the OW, I'd be so turned off, but instead I'm can't wait to get him alone, anywhere, ALL THE TIME. What is it that makes the person who had their heart shredded and never saw it coming, want the betrayer with such vigorous passion!<P>Maybe I'm living in total denial of what has happened. Maybe it's that "bad boy" syndrome for me, so maybe he looks a little more dangerous now. Honestly, I can't figure it out. I know I want comfort from this overwhelming pain of being betrayed and he's the one I love and want comfort from. Even if HE IS THE BETRAYER! I'm not exactly happy about it, just puzzled about what in the world is going on in my head. I think maybe I'm still in such shock and disbelief that he'd do this to me. Almost as if I've somehow disconnected the man I've known for 19 years, since college, from the act he committed.<P>I give up. It's now 3 weeks since I found out. Maybe it's just a stage. Maybe I feel so degraded by him that I'm really trying to prove something. I don't know, whatever it is, it is definitely subconcious because I can't explain it.<P>Have appt. with Dr. Harley next Tuesday. I am very interested what kind of help he can give us (or I should say me, since I don't even know if H wants to save our marriage even tho we're still somewhat affectionate and hotly intimate).<P>This is a strange post. Sorry. Everyone has to admit that there are some very strange things going on in our heads at times during this. Vented, done, thanks.

Hurt Bad you are not crazy or at least if you are then so am I. Same thing happen to me when I found out I couldn't get enough. I think I was trying to prove that I could be as good as she was in bed.(or the floor aaaaaor where ever they did it). I know I wanted to wipe out all memories of her. Or maybe I thought if I could wear him out then he would feel like going to her. I just know that I couldn't get enough. Looking back maybe I was preparing for the drought (He is gone. But I just reeally wante you to know that you are not alone in your response to his having an affair.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

hb,<P>Well, you aren't the first betrayed that felt and acted this way.<BR>When my H told me about his affair, I was the same way. I couldn't keep my hands off of his dirty, cheating body. Best sex we ever had. It lasted for a while, but then I started thinking about everything and it made me sick to look at him for a while.<BR>I think it is a stage. You are trying to show you H that whatever he has w/ OW he can have w/ you too.<BR>It's ok. I say enjoy it while you can <P>Cheryl

Dear SDS:<P>Do you have children? Did he just pick up and leave? What happened. Right now I can't gage if I'm losing him or not. Some days he seems with me, others distant. It seems more and more now that he is getting to be distant. Maybe I really don't want to know, because you might scare me. He is the love of my life, I don't want to be without him, but I also see myself wearing thin.<P>What I'm describing isn't something I'm trying to do. I'm not trying to wear him out. It's a very physical/electrical! thing that wakes me up at night. I feel maybe the underlying feeling is fear that he may not be here for long. I'm very scared for myself, but mostly for our little boys. My heart is broken for them.

Dear Hurt Bad,<P>You are not alone. I too felt the same way about my husband and still do. It has been 8 months.<P>I am including a link to a thread I started a long time ago about this very thing. Hope it helps. I think it actually is a very common response. <P>I have had the experiences of SDS and CeeCee too.<P>I still long for him to make love to me though. Maybe that is what I am truly looking for with these feelings. I don't know. I can only say don't worry about it and enjoy it.<P>My husband had many moments where he refused me or didn't want to have sex. I say take what you can get and know this is just part of the recovery process.<P>Here is the link <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/003444.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/003444.html</A> <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Hurt Bad. We have two children but they are adults more or less. I found out in Mar. We were seeing a counselor but he lied to me all summer about being with the OW. I think I knew deep down but just didn't know how much. He finally quit lying to our counselor we were seeing her separately. She didn't want to see us together until he was ready to give her up. THere were other things going on in our life then. A new grandson, my son's kidney transplant H was the donor. When she finally convinced him to tell me the truth was July 30. We wnet home to talk. He said he wanted to stay with me that he loved me.Then he left to tell her it was over BIG MISTAKE!!! He never cam back I got a phone call from him telling me he was staying with her. That was it. I tried talking to him but he was a different person cold uncaring distant. I have talked to him since Aug 23. I send him cards and notes ever so often I don't even know if he gets them. He hasn't even contacted his parents since the Aug.1. No contact with his grandchildren He hasn't seen the baby since he was a month old now 4 months old. this coming from a man who always put his family first. He always called his parents every two or three weeks. We saw or talked to the granchildrenevery few days. <BR> Each person is different I don't want to scare you. I guess my case is extreme I don't know. But I do know he is in the middle of a midlife crisis, and those are harder to get over then anything else. <BR>I don't want you to be scared I just told you this because I wanted you to know your hots for him is normal but why we react that way I don't really know.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Have to say that I sincerely think it's just a phase. I went down the same road and it actually helped us. The good thing is that we haven't lost it yet! Its still going strong and things are working well. <BR>I don't know if that helps you out at all but pray it does! God Bless<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

We had a post going awhile back about this very topic. I have been wondering why my sex drive is increased and I feel so much more attracted to my H than ever before. I think it is really because many of us have H who are really trying and are starting to get back to someone we used to love and this is attractive. I know for me when he does nice things for me or acts good to me he deposts those love units and it really helps in all aspect for our relationship.<P>It has been 71/2 months for us since I found out and it has not decreased my sex drive or sincere attraction to my H. I hope it never does. Just love it and try not to worry about losing the feeling.

Hi dzrt - I already know you're horny for your wife!! I hope it goes well and turns around. Today I seem to be in a good mood, but H is very lethargic, I don't think he knows what to do with himself and just seems to want to be left alone. I know one thing, when I get that playful "minksy" attitude where I feel like teasing him and mildly "aggrivating" him, he perks up.<P>I went out and bought all kinds of nice silky undies today!! Even thongs! Oh my gosh, what am I thinking. Actually, since I haven't been eating right, the old bod looks pretty stealth now and I can get away with it. What irony!<P>Samanth-MI (I also live in MI), thanks for the link. I really thought I must be crazy. It's good to know that somethings are still normal in my brain. Well, gotta do Halloween. The H is taking the kids along with some other neighborhood dads who invited him. I think it will be very good for him to be with other dads who are involved in their children's lives and just have the companionship of people living in reality.<P>Thanks so much for the posts!!

I feel like dzrt and get the same response. Yes, ever since I really confirmed my suspicions that W is having an affair (about 1 yr ago), I have had the hots for her like you wouldn't believe. And I think part of it is that I know another man does too, and somehow this makes her even more attractive. I always had a fairly severe case, from the get-go of our relationship but now it's frustration city. Go figure. R & B,<P>--Wex

Hey dzrt,<P>Have you ever tried to just "play" with your wife. Tease her. Tickle her. Be a little stinker with her. I love it when my H does that. I think playtime makes you feel like you did a long time ago (before kids or whatever). Try it. The first time my H and I were intimate after this tragedy happened, he started tickling me in bed til I was nearly histarical (I could have killed him cause his parents were downstairs sleeping). But it was so much fun even still. The day after he hugged me all morning and held my hand tight all the way to work (I had to drive him). Of course, it didn't take long for the OW to work her poison.<P>Small steps tho. Good luck. God bless.

I am so glad to hear that I am not crazy. When the emotional affair happened years ago, I became the sex goddess of all time. When I had him securely back again, we went back to him ignoring my needs and me putting up with his.<P>This time though, I made sure he realized that when I am hot to trot, it's not because I think he's the finest man alive, it's because I'm Peaking!!! Mid-life crazy for him, mid-life hots for me...<P>Gotta go.<BR>LIZ<P>------------------<BR>When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2<P><BR>