Indie,

No, I did not show DH the text...which he will undoubtedly write-off as his friend's typical inappropriate behavior.

Indie,

I need to be able to know that they are going to remain friends, hear DH talk about him to me every other day, hear his GF talk about him to me, and overcome this thing.

So it is inappropriate? How? When was the first time he said something inappropriate to you and did you tell your h?

Have you and this OM ever had a discussion about these feelings you have?

How did you not feel it was relevant to show your h that his so called friend is predatory towards you, his wife?

YOUR job is not to predict his 'blow off' reaction btw but to keep yourself honest and your side of the street clean.

Indie,

I need to be able to know that they are going to remain friends, hear DH talk about him to me every other day, hear his GF talk about him to me, and overcome this thing.

HF, the reason people keep bringing up OM is that is really does effect your marriage now. No real steps for recovery have happened and others can chime in. You can't just sweep this under the rug.

I don't think this is workable at all HF...
There is just no way you can continue contact for life after an EA with a man your DH has basically said he will pick keeping his friendship with over your marriage.
Can you expose OM?
If you let the whole world know that he is coming on to you, you have feelings for him and have told him to stay away and he won't-- you need his friends and family and GF to know what he is doing and to help you???

no. never.

Indie,

Earlier on in one of her posts she did tell her H many times of her feeling for him, the danger she feels she is in by being radically honest.

Heartfelt you show a willingness to be honest about difficult things.

It is good for you to do this, regardless of your h reaction because radical honesty makes couples understand each other better. It is not surprising he doesnt understand the danger when you gloss over so much. Telling yourself 'oh it wont help anyway' is not productive. If you make yourself more transparent and accountable, your state of mind will improve.

Maybe give your phone to your h for a while until the number can be changed? Or if he is not keen on NC letter, ask if he could he possibly send a text back to OM which says, 'Oh its heartfelt's hubby here. I have her phone today, she lends it to me sometimes. She asked me to check something when I saw your message. Thought to myself thats funny I dont remember her singing that song - are you sure you didnt mean someone else?'

This 'friend' may then get the message that your phone is not a good way to get in touch as your h has free access to it. He will aso be (deservedly) embarrassed in front of his friend as to what a little sneak he is.

If (as you say) your h wants YOU to be accountable and to put a stop to things - you cant really do better than that can you?

Have you ever said anything flirty, inappropriate, romantic or sexual to him?

[quote=indiegirl] Actually, DH likes to keep me up-to-date with the latest technology. I'll just ask him some tech question that would require him to look at my text messages. Then, I won't have to say it myself...and he can see for himself... Is that sneaky?

Thanks, Indie.

...Yes, I am sure that I said something flirty or inappropriate to his friend. (But I have been flirty in general...as I understood flirting to be harmless and a normal part of socializing...pre-MB.)

There was a time when I was on the brink of my own EA.

We'd been married about a year. My h was worried about losing his job, I wanst earning and he was very distant. My efforts to talk to him only seemed to worry him more, so i made a very naive decision to just put 'my feelings in the freezer' and wait for him to get over his worry. Very stupid.

At the time I was on a course that involved spending all day every day with the same group of people. I became very close to them, and felt they were important to me, although funnily enough I am no longer in contact with any of them!

One in particlar seemed to admire me a great deal, though nothing inappropriate was ever said or done. It was mostly 'looking' if that makes sense. The flattery was overpowering, but it didnt make me happy at all. It made very anxious and worried.

I knew that I wouldnt find him attractive if I was single. I knew it was only a reflection of problems at home. I knew it was shallow. But knowing these things seemed to make no difference to the pull I felt. It was horrible, like a rip tide that I was ashamed to call for help with.

I felt if I didn't unburden myself soon, I would go mad. I actually think if this peson had been a bit more overt or predatory, I would have spoken to him about it. That would have led to a discussion about feelings - and bang - full blown EA.

In my case, luckily he was actually very careful not to overstep any bounds. I dont credit him with any nobility on this point though. I think he was a bit immature, wanted to have a no-pressure crush and selfishly enjoyed my reactions.

This left me talking to my sis, but this didnt help.

I ended up being forced into the only option left - talking to my H as Dr Harley recommends in his policy of radical honesty. (though this was long before ever hearing of it)

There was a time when I was on the brink of my own EA.

We'd been married about a year. My h was worried about losing his job, I wanst earning and he was very distant. My efforts to talk to him only seemed to worry him more, so i made a very naive decision to just put 'my feelings in the freezer' and wait for him to get over his worry. Very stupid.

At the time I was on a course that involved spending all day every day with the same group of people. I became very close to them, and felt they were important to me, although funnily enough I am no longer in contact with any of them!

One in particlar seemed to admire me a great deal, though nothing inappropriate was ever said or done. It was mostly 'looking' if that makes sense. The flattery was overpowering, but it didnt make me happy at all. It made very anxious and worried.

I knew that I wouldnt find him attractive if I was single. I knew it was only a reflection of problems at home. I knew it was shallow. But knowing these things seemed to make no difference to the pull I felt. It was horrible, like a rip tide that I was ashamed to call for help with.

I felt if I didn't unburden myself soon, I would go mad. I actually think if this peson had been a bit more overt or predatory, I would have spoken to him about it. That would have led to a discussion about feelings - and bang - full blown EA.

In my case, luckily he was actually very careful not to overstep any bounds. I dont credit him with any nobility on this point though. I think he was a bit immature, wanted to have a no-pressure crush and selfishly enjoyed my reactions.

This left me talking to my sis, but this didnt help.

I ended up being forced into the only option left - talking to my H as Dr Harley recommends in his policy of radical honesty. (though this was long before ever hearing of it)