Lola,

If i were you, i would send a letter to the Board saying if they remove you, you will go public with a statement that they removed you....a woman...in favor of retaining your husband who is having an affair with a Rumanian immigrant. On it's face, alone, it is despicable but with the attitude toward Eastern European immigrants in the UK, it will frost people even more.

And get a copy of the chairmans email , your lawyer should subpoena all their records. This sounds like a typical old boys club closing ranks. I think you should say little now and get legal heavily involved , they think they can railroad you do not let them.

Post any letters you write for proof reading.

A side thought if they do remove you, your legal team can prove that your husband was complicite in reducing your earnings , you then claim it from him.

Sounds like youve been working in a real serpents nest Lola! Fight the good fight, it won't take much for this tower of bullies to topple.

And I have to disagree with you. I think you are amazingly strong.

Going through infidelity is roughly as debilitating as losing both legs and half your brain.

Yet you've been marching on, looking great, confronting the truth, nonetheless!

I will not be removed from the company. Ten years for nothing. He just won throughout.

All,
it goes down before it does up again, right? I have just run into him and he was driving the brand new BMW. I asked, what car it is and he said "mine" I said, so you mea "ours". He said yes and then ushered me off.
I might also finally have found somebody, who speaks Rumanian. So, while people tell me she will be applauded I might still send a letter off?
Spoken to the Chairman again trying to hang in and I have also forwarded the mails to the lawyer I have now found.
Thank you all for your support. Am I a string person? I really don�t know. I would say no. The only thing I want is my family, which is so unlikely now. Awful. Apparently he looks sad and says it�s not easy for him neither. - So, if it�s not the land of happiness, why does he not straight come back? Any explanation?
Lola

Hi Lola,

it's not easy for him because he knows deep down what a fool he is making of himself.

It is all about him at the moment while he is still wayward, but he is finding it hard because he now knows people are talking about the situation and he's looking bad.

Thats why he says it's hard and he can't come back because he has this huge KISA complex (Knight in shining armour) and he has to protect poor little miss skanky.

He is deep in the mire, he can't see a way out of the mess but it sounds as though he is beginning to realise it's a mess. He is likely to also be embarrassed. (Poor baby)

Maybe thats a starting point! It's hard though as the UK doesn't seem to have the same attitude as the americans about affairs and you are unlikely to get the same reaction as you would in the US.

Hang on in there, listen to the vets and do what they say.

Thoughts are with you.

Blessings

Although it's better if OW's family blasts her once they know about the A, exposure is still good even if it seems at first to fall flat.

Whether her family supports it or not, OW and WH would really rather not have the world know that they're ripping apart a family for their own pleasure.

And that chairman? He just showed you his jugular. Find an attorney and go for it.

As to the Plan A parts of this, stop asking him questions you don't want him to answer. It's bad for you, and drives him farther away from you, too.

No talk about the A, just be sweet and kind, good-smelling and attractive. If *he* brings up the subject of the D, smile, tell him you believe in your M, and change the subject without arguing.

Dear all,
I am not sure, what I would do without all of you. - The nightmare has further evolved. It now seems all board members, even the one I thought are my friends, want me to leave and they will offer me a package. The reason is it�s argued that I can�t distinguish between privte and business. Also the old boys club, who was always there and wanted me job is stand by and trying the best. My husband gets morr texts stating whoever person has a problem with me.... I am not necessarily aware there is. And in the UK an affair seems to mean nothing. The Montreal office acts slightly different? - I don�t know and I am very afraid now of just losing everything. Well, I have already. I can�t see friends around me and I can�t just ring up a friend every day and cry. So I am in my bed crying long ours or on a flight as last night doing exactly the same. My husband is destroying all we built for more than 10 years. - His friend coming over on the weekend to visit the "new couple". - All seems normal in everybodies world, but mine. Still trying plan A as best as possible and sometimes it�s working just great, but it is sooooooooooooo terribly hard. - And the slut will come back from Rumania on the weekend. Somehow I feel that�s maybe where I will have completely lost. Had 2 weeks where she was off and failed.

Make them pay then. I would say a very fine settlement that would allow you to live for a couple years to outlast any non-compete agreements they might force you to sign, plus enough remaining to have the capital to do it (compete with your own start up) - that just might be a great way to do it. Or, sadly you'd have to go to the media if you're going to lose your financial due anyway - and publicize the fact that your husband is spending shareholder's money on his affair.... Seems like a decent detente!

By the way, that should be above and beyond any divorce settlement you should receive directly from your husband regardless of the solvency of the business after you leave.

And another thing - during that two years, you start forming business alliances, doing back ground checks on the principals, finding out their values on ethics before you team up with them. Be strategic. Think of every hardship you went through to make this business work and consider this "do over" preparation time. Start taking the names and primary contact information of the major customers and move before they have a chance to force you out.

Lola,

(((((HUGS)))). The board's reasons for asking to have you removed seem absurd to me. What does your legal counsel say?

My 2 cents. This whole work situation is going to destroy all of your emotional strength. Get a GREAT severance package and get out of that company. It is not the type of place where you can continue and remain sane.

I really really hate to say this but I would consider filing for divorce on grounds of adultery, as a protective measure. It does not mean that you have to follow through. But I am worried about this aggressive, looking for a better life au pair. Her next strategy to get her claws permanently into your WH life and finances will be to get pregnant.

You need to protect your assets and future income as well as child support from WH in that event.

Get some serious legal counsel here.

Stay strong. You will get through this. Stay with us.

(((((Hugs)))))

Please tell me that you have seen a counselor, right?

At work, say nothing more on the matter, do nothing out of the ordinary until you have good solid advice and a plan to step forward on.

Don't you dare walk off with your tail down.
Keep your poise and go forth with pride and respect.


In fact, get the advice of many corporate counselors, in addition, get a seperate office to advise you on divorce law in your country.

Show them you know the difference between buisness and personal.

Agree with this advice. Also realize that there is A REAL danger of ow getting pregnant, so make sure that the lawyers hammer out a FANTASTIC HUGE AMOUNT for child support, as she will likely do what my xwh's ow (who became his wife did) and she got pregnant immediately to force his hand.

But YOU force the legal hand and get an amazing cs amount and also hammer away for full custody. That is in order asap.

Let your attorney take care of the business. Hire a business attorney if you have to along with the one for the divorce. And a cpa if you need it for forensic accounting. Forensic accounting will probably be needed in your case. Above all protect yourself and the kids immediately.

Q: Have you contacted the au pair agency? After all, possibly this ow has DONE THIS BEFORE and might have a negative history? I would get the information on who she has been an au pair for in the past and get a PI to track them down. This would be particularly eye opening for a court..and for your wh.

If the agency does not comply, then your PI does the hard work.

Fwiw, I have a friend who is a successful businessman. About 10 yrs ago, he was single and began dating a woman who was from Ukraine and an au pair for a wealthy family.

After dating about 6 months, she announced her green card would expire soon. One day he came by her place and saw her packing boxes up and she was weeping. imho, it was a set up.

Within 3 weeks they were married, because she put this tear-jerking story onto him. How she loved him, but they had to live apart, and she had to go to her home country (which she painted as horrible). It totally brought out the knight in shining armour thing and it was nauseating. They're still married, but that's b/c she got deliberatly pregnant afterwards..twice. And he's in it.

They are sometimes masters of manipulation. She is what I'd say is a predatory ow.

Hi
So sorry your still going through this my advice would be that

1) you get legal advice and legal protection, once these muppets Are made aware that they have to communicate with you via your lawyer regarding your employment they will soon start getting scared. Employment laws are very strict here in the UK and although they don't hear you when you try to talk to them about your WH behaviour they will soon sit up and listen when you lawyer up.

2) concentrate your efforts on digging up OW history and exposing to her family. Try to cause her so much hassle in that sense that she will have to think twice and be too distressed to get her claws fully into your WH by getting pregnant (my aupair was actively trying to get pregnant by her employers husband).

3) don't plan A your WH , as long as that woman is with him you don't stand much of a chance of getting through to him. The only way he will wake up and see the gold digger for what she is is by you exposing and digging into her history. The way to save your marriage and household is to put your efforts into this, hire a PI stalk her Facebook there is a lot of information out there and ways to get it. The last thing you want is for your child to have a half sibling by this woman.

4) look after your self first, you don't deserve to be treated like this by your WH or those moronic work members you have to look after your interests no one else can do that for you. You can't let someone steal 10 years of your hard work without you putting up a fight. There will be a time when you will be given the space to grieve what's happening to you. But right now you need to bring out all you fighting spirit to kick this skank out of her new stolen cushty life.

Just wanted to clarify something that NB said. You DO Plan A a wayward when there is an ACTIVE affair. Not much is going to get through while they are active, but that's not the purpose of Plan A