what does com mean

Trying, the only plan I see that you have now is "plan appeasement".

Recall history and how well appeasement worked with Hitler.

I don't understand standing by actionless while your wife went away for the weekend to be with her lover. Talk about slap in the face!

Now she has cooked up this elaborate plan of a "fantasy divorce" and you seem to be going along with it? No resistance at all?

Let me explain what a fantasy divorce is. Its the delusion that you two can split, her financial and other needs still be taken care of, you two are still the best of friends and play family together. Everyone gets together for holidays and Sunday dinners and sings Kumbaya, then she gets to run to her lovers arms without the guilt of tearing a family apart because you two are such good friends still?

Does this sound familiar?

You HAVE to stop the idea of a fantasy divorce in its tracks. You are at a fork in the road, do you still want to save this marriage?

If the answer is yes, then you must let her know that you will not be friends after the divorce. She is free to go, but you are keeping the house and will fight for as much custody as the court will give you. You will hire the meanest bulldog lawyer and fight for every minute of time with your children, every penny of your money, and every possession in your house. You will subpeona her affair partner and drag both of you through the mud in court. You will dictate where you and the children live and it won't be for her and her parent's convenience.

If the answer is no and you're throwing in the towel, then you don't have to tell her any of this. Just go hire a lawyer and do it. Start by separating you finances and protecting yourself financially.

If she is set on divorce, you are not going to win her back by going along and being the nice guy. That will get you every other weekend, living in a low-rent apartment, and paying out the wazoo in child support and alimony. All while she lives it up with her affair partner.

Thanks for your reply..yes it was a slap.....my complacency Is out of guilt, she is blaming this all on my affair. Went home after work and looked at web history and she is looking up attorney from major town 60 miles away....she asked me to move out this am again...she is the ww she needs to go not me....she also warned me against contacting ow, she said its not her fault. To which I said she is sleeping w my wife....how is that not her fault...I would really like to make her suffer....I am losing hope. You r very right about the fantasy divorce, once again she is having delusions of grandure...if she is convinced this is what she wants is there anything I can do to make her see otherwise???

Yep.

You can start by following the help and direction you're getting right here.

Your plans haven't worked, have they? How's about actually DOING something now? Ready to follow the plan laid out right in front of you?

children of the marriage

so do i wait until they are together again, or do i just expose expose expose, i am pretty sure there is no embarrasement about the woman woman thing. she thinks she is her soulmate and says she is willing to divorce me for it.....but the ow is nervous, she knows i could b a wildcard. I am planning on contacting her mom and sisters who may or may not know about the gay thing. Should i contact people from her work, i can get email addresses off the internet and just use the shotgun approach to get as much exposure as possible...or do i send a private email to her and say here is who i am going to contact and this is what will happen if this goes to divorce......you will be supeaned and drug through the mud...or is that just an idle threat that wont help......ow is very concerned about being outed at work

Ok.......now she says she has ended it w ow and i believe her....
but she says she still needs separation or divorce bc she is too dependant on me emotionallly and needs to find herself....she feels alone and just wants to be alone for a while to determine what she wants in life...she knows our problems w intamacy started over 6 years ago...and she does not know if she can recover from my betrayal of her......she has contacted two attorneys and has phone interviews today to figure out what she wants......where do i go from here...i believe her when she says she broke it off.

ARe you just blogging?

It is just a set up to scare you into moving so she can carry on her affair easier. She has not ended her affair. Expose her affair like we told you and stop getting distracted. We can't help you if you don't follow the advice we give.

Let me guess, in addition to wanting to "find herself" she "needs space," right? And her affair has nothing to do with the current problems and they all started years ago, right? And its all your fault, of course....

I don't expect you to listen, but I thought I would give it one last shot. Your wife did not end her affair. She said that in order to continue to blame you for her affair and to get you to move out so she can replace you with the OW.

KEEP EXPOSING AND DON'T STOP UNTIL A NO CONTACT LETTER HAS BEEN SENT!!!!


The affair has gone further underground. She is gaslighting you. If she moves out that is her green light to keep the affair going while stringing you along.

1) Cut her off completely financially. If she wants to leave, then tell her she is free to go. She will receive no money from you to do it, and she will support herself 100%. She will not get the kids and you will be given full custody.

2) While she is home, keep snooping. Do not let down your guard.

Until she is willing to send a No contact letter written by her, and approved and sent by you ASSUME the affair is in full swing.

thanks for your reply melody sorry i seem like so much of a schmuck. I will stay vigilant, and i am not moving anywhere or selling anything....seemed sort of sudden to me also. what you sleep with someone on sun ask your husband for divorce on monday and break it off w other woman on tues.....doesnt add up

tryingtofeelgood, there is not much we can do to help if you won't expose the affair. That is your most powerful weapon.

I would also paint a very ugly picture for your wife. Let her know that if she does file for divorce that you will be countersuing on grounds of adultery and will have the OW subpoenaed into court to give testimony about the affair. That means that your wife's and the OW's emails and cell phone records will be subpoenaed under discovery. Let her know you will use her reckless, adulterous behavior as grounds to maintain possession of the home and primary custody of the children.

Its important that you paint a very ugly picture because she is fantasizing that you will quietly step aside and allow the OW to take your place.

But the most important thing is exposure. You have to expose the affair. If you don't do it as we outlined, there is little we can do to help you.

Thanks Melody i will do as you say....i think my wifes utmost concern about exposure is the ow career safety....
Ugly picture has been painted but will continue w uglier pict. about subpoenaes...she knows i wont go down w/out a fight....i need to get into her phone...what is the spy prog for droids/ smartphones again??

Eblaster is a good one and it seems to be cheaper than the other versions.

But, you need to get going on exposure. You missed a good chance last weekend. Don't drag this out, trying. The longer you wait, the more time they have to make plans. Expose and do it all on the same day.

do the harley's still meet with people in person

or just by telephone

Still getting distracted you won't get any different advice from the Harleys it is written in black and White and it is one of their top pieces of advice.

EXPOSING THE A IS THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO BURST THE A BUBBLE.

As ML said that's all the advice you will keep getting until you actually take on board this information.

why do you care what effect exposure will have on the Ow career etc, that's NOT your problem! It's not about being gay , coming out or not it's about the fact that no matter what lifestyle this OW has she is actively ending your marriage, now do you still care about her carreer or is your marriage going to come first?

ok the crap hit the fan last night.....after ww told me that she didnt want marriage anymore and only thing that would work is divorce i told her that i was going to expose ow far and wide to every one i could find and then told her i had a packet an inch and 1/2 of data on her with every email contact and work associate. wife flipped begged me offered me anything....i told her you cant obviously give me what i want.....she immediately told ow by phone......ow went on the attack and threatened to ruin my reputation in my small town which i laughed at.....she sent digital voice messages to home phone, which is wacked, and really pissed my wife off...my wife is mad at me and says i started it all,,ha ha...today ww finds out that some of her closest friends have known and that ww has been lying to them and that they know.... my ww did sit w me last night when ow was texting vile things to me and i would read them to her....and i told ww that i did not want to divorce, to which she said do you really want to try to put the pieces back together and i said yes i will do anything for you and us....to which she said well maybe then we try legal separation.....i still need to find myself....our relationship has been toxic for a long time......what do i do now, put a helmet on and wait...she is going to see her 350$/hour tomorrow.....she is seeing her therapist today......????

350$/hr attorney

she also doesnt think i am stable, also says i am bad for the kids