WOW......that Letter is POWERFUL.

Maybe I should send it to my Wife?

Thinking about this quote in the context of a wayward mind ....

1. Deception.
We talk about wayward "fog", which is verbal expression of the self deception that goes on in a wayward mind. Deception which allows a so called "normal" person to commit adultery. "The enemy" is the ultimate liar. What deception does is this, deception makes swallowing a deadly poison seem like a desirable choice. This is the point in adultery where the waywards telling themselves lies might be shocked into reality by exposure. perhaps not, but it is possible. Truth & light are kryptonite to the deception. I am talking about the wayward losing his/her mind.

2. Hardening.
Now, about the wayward's heart. It hardens. The wayward heart becomes callous. The wayward heart becomes closed off and insensitive to the pain and devastation their adultery causes. The wayward can even accept the broken hearts of their own children if that pain supports their adultery. The wayward becomes impervious to empathy. Cry all you want, your tears have no meaning for the hardened heart of a lost wayward. Your tears, your pain only annoy the hardened wayward heart.


3. Destruction.
And finally, the wayward's soul. The sin of adultery destroys the wayward's soul. The spiritual essence of humanity is nowhere to be found in the wayward. Integrity has been cast off in order for the adultery to continue. The wayward does not go on his/her merry way unscathed. The wayward is the most wounded of all. The destruction of a once beautiful soul, now made ugly by sin, is heartbreaking.


There is a progression to this loss.
Humans are vulnerable to temptation.
Temptation feels good.
But, giving into the sin, and living in the sin is life changing.
Soul changing.

We can actually SEE it sometimes.
We can actually SEE the cold eyes of the hardened heart.
We can actually SEE the lifeless eyes of the soulless.

You're here because you've had an affair, but you haven't brought yourself to tell your spouse. There's definitely a reason why you landed this page and why you continue reading. Perhaps it is guilt, fear or just morbid curiosity of what you can expect when you tell him or her? Whatever your reasons are, I am glad you're here because I will be your tour guide of what you can look forward to should you decide to continue your affair. Are you ready?

So your marriage sucks because you don't have fun together any more, have nothing left in common, nothing left to talk about and sex is non-existant, right? But along comes a friend who you can talk to about everything and they're able to connect with you on every single level! How incredible is THAT?! Your needs are FINALLY being met. You go home and look at your spouse with complete distain and wonder how you ever ended up marrying them because they don't even know YOU let alone what you actually want anymore. Onward matey, into the fog!!!

You don't want to get caught and so you decide to be clever and put your friend's phone number in your cell, but list it as a different name. Oops! Egg on face because you WILL get caught. Did that. You need something that is untraceable so you'll just get a prepaid phone instead. Yep, got caught doing that, too. As clever as you think you are, you have to realize that it's all been done before you and that people (as much as you think they are) aren't oblivious to your sneaky ways.

Your spouse is now falling apart and things are worse off now than they were before you even started talking to your friend. You feel bad but can't break things off with your friend because of the the euphoria you feel when you're with them. No one understands you like they do. Plus, your marriage is definitely over so screw it.

You continue to fantasize about what things would be like if you were to start a new life with your friend. How much better they would be for your children. How vacations and holidays would be so much more fulfilling than the shear misery you live with now, right? Let's take a look at that.

Believe it or not, there was a time when you felt exactly the same way about your spouse as you do now with your AP. That's what brought you two together! You had balance, holidays were special, you had this invisible force shield that no one could penetrate because you couldn't imagine life without them. Think back and REALLY remember those days because they didn't disappear.

You only have one soul and it cannot be split into two distinct people. That's not the way God designed you. What you have with one person, you will not have with another. You'll have a completely different life, that's true. But you will be missing crucial pieces that truly matter. You won't be able to turn to your AP and say, "Remember when ________ happened? That was so funny!" You won't be able to talk about life changing moments of when your children were born, when you bought your first house, when you saw each other through major illnesses. Your affair is based on things that cannot sustain a real relationship as real as it may seem to you now. Lust fades, the truth prevails and fun will diminish with the harsh onset of reality. You'll find that your friends and family will pull away from you and you'll be left wondering why they don't want to meet your friend?

If you think that things are complicated now, wait until you have to deal with the complexities of maintaining an affair under a crumbling marriage! You will lose everything. Your marriage, family, friends, house, savings, maybe your job, definitely your reputation but most of all, your soul. I am starting a new life but unfortunately it isn't with the man I married. It is alone. The holidays aren't what the used to be, songs that meant something to us bring tears to my eyes, places we used to frequent hurt to go to, and part time parenting is extremely painful.

Think long and hard about what you're doing and what you have to lose. Humility and radical honesty are key. You're dealing with many people's lives here, not just your own.

Are you caught in a trap of your own making?

Call Dr Harley and get your MARRIAGE back on track !

INTEGRITY

Synonyms: character, decency, goodness, honesty, morality, probity, rectitude, righteousness, rightness, uprightness, virtue, virtuousness

Antonyms: badness, evil, evildoing, immorality, iniquity, sin, villainy, wickedness

Am I an Evil Betrayed Spouse for not feeling bad if my WW is "wounded" by her own actions?

Am I evil for wanting to see my WW suffer a bit from the results of her own actions? (But I can't see it, if in fact it's happening, because she left me and won't speak to me now because I exposed her and removed the facade of decency that she hid behind.)

My last 3 months has been a living he!!.....getting better each day.
If I could KNOW that she's suffering even HALF as much as I have these last few months......That would satisfy my selfish side!
Does THAT make me evil?
I want to be a better man......a better Husband......but I'd like to know that my WW has lost some sleep due to the results of her own actions.

Bill - the goal is to move your personal recovery away from this thinking.

This thinking will only stifle you as you work through this nightmare. We, BS's, all have these type of demonic thoughts racing in our brains. As time goes on and the Wayward continues thier decent into He!! you can also decend with them.

This is the point you jump off the devil's train, and move yourself to the safe arms of the ones that love you. She has to move that speeding train herself, and only she has the emergency shut off button.

When you want revenge or you think of evil towards her, try to take your memory elsewhere. The day she wakes up and her pain will be far greater than ever imagined.

You are a praying man, work through prayer to have her feel you, hear you, and stay connected. As time goes on you will see how GOD is working his hinny off on her. Work on you to get to that place of stillness.

Turn you light on for her, so you can steer her through the fog. Let GOD bump the waves on her vessel so it is pointing in the right direction. Believe me he is using wind, rain, fish, and all his power so those waves will go in the direction towards your marriage. Right now she is fighting the wheel because she doesn't know what direction she should be heading.

And God works through YOU itistoughlove !!.....and the others on this forum!!!
THANK YOU!!
I'm laying in Gods arms on a daily basis!!......but I KNOW the enemy puts those thoughts into my head!
I want what God wants!!!
KEEP ME STRAIGHT!!!

Components of Moral Courage

Bump.

If there are any wayward lurkers around right now, and I suspect there are, read this thread.

Understand that you can be different.

Bump in case meinca returns

Facebook
Your job
Your recreational activity
Your gym
Your child's school
Your travel
Your friend/neighbor
Your church
Secrecy under the guise of 'privacy'
Going to bars

Eliminate the conditions that made your affair possible.

Hello unfaithful lurkers !
PS: I decided to 'bump' this because I noticed there are 131 Guests !!!!!
Some of you lurkers must be wayward & looking for a way out of your hellish world.

Things I never thought of when I had an affair...


LINK to original

That was my reaction too, a very powerful and frank insight. No point sending it to my WH though as he is still under the illusion that his and OW's situation is 'different' as they are 'soulmates' and what they have is 'special'.

Funny how he used those exact same words to describe us not so long ago...

Bump ump and away

nESRE

bump