Unloved,

You didn't expose any of this to the command or to the OM's wife, did you? Do you think this is just going to get better all on its own?????

Well, I think if you don't do something to bust up the affair, by the time she returns from Korea, it will be too late. I recommend setting up shop where you are and fighting like crazy for custody. Otherwise, you will only be seeing your kids for a couple of weeks in the summers.

AM

no idea how to reach OMW, she is a foreigner, living in Korea with her family (green card deal from what i here)

Need to consult attorney before exposure. Think the fact she is risking her career, ( the kids lively hood) gives me a "leg up" so to speak, and exposing her would ruin that.( E.G. i risked her career)

also she says she will not fight me for custody (I'm not dumb and am saving for an attorney) I'm the primary care giver,and she will be deployed half the year every year,so i think i have a good case

Threats never work with WW's.

They will use the time to neutralize whatever actions that you threaten to use while you wait. Then when you make your move nothing will happen.

Attorney's are only good at divorces and protecting legal rights. Attorneys don't know manure about saving marriages or ending affairs.

Affair Ending 101: Is not in a law school's curicculum.

she went back today. she says she will end the physical aspect but don't know about the "friendship" (yes i know that means she will be back with him.

Don't think i did plan A very well, we didn't get much us time and it was mostly spent speaking about the serios issues. However she did notice change in me got her to laugh a bit and i don't think she is done (she is trying to convince herself she is but went out of her way for me on things I know i wouldn't if i knew i was done. also freaked out when i "made it real" by discussing the fact the kids and i wouldn't be moving with her, the devition of our stuff etc. etc.)

Dont think i can exspose her to command. (It is my trump card if we get divorced) will send her into a rage, while she is away and allready making bad choices, and the i need her dosile right now. (boy it is hard to not make snide comments on her facebook for her friends and family to see).

Feel like i'm on a tight rope. A bad fork in the road. I can go left and give it my all to save the marrige (by exsposing her to comand as i know it must be done) but then if it don't lift the fog she will become vindictive and i may lose my children.

If i go right i have to hope she wakes on her own (i know it's not likely) i will lose my marrige but my kids will get a better life.

I don't think i can plan A from here. The distance it to far and i can really only meet the need of communication.

Do i go to plan B? I mean she is allready gone from the family. And she happens to get upset when we don't bow down to her scedual (which rarely happens) maybe if she gets a taste of how it will be it will wake her up?

So confused

Plus i feel myself becomeing upset at the situation, maybe cutting her out more will be good for me?

also thought of emailing her (not the link) the post on guides for wayword wives. she scaned hnhn and said it was spot on. good idea, bad idea?

You have to get her command involved. Expose like no tomorrow. You have to expose to all the soldiers deployed with her and him. She will be raging, but it is your only hope. They will start up again and she will still leave you. Exposure will pizz them both off, but it may end her fog. I don't know what will happen in my situation. I was scared to death, but it had to be done. I pulled out all the guns.


EXPOSURE BOMB! No fear today get it done by Tuesday morning when they all return to work.

If i exspose to comand do i go to plan A from here?
Or go to plan B?

Also i must wait a few weeks to get finances for a laywer in place.

Exposure cannot wait you do it and Plan A. You have to do a nuclear by Tuesday. It cannot wait two weeks.

guess i got nothing to lose. If she comes back wanting a divorce it will be intant plan b.

how do you plan a across the world?

What are Plan A and Plan B

Make sure to read the whole aricle and have a clear understanding.

From the article





Facebook exposure also can be a valuable avenue with exposure when done right. Ask on here since many have experience with how to do it. There is several steps to it and the ones who have been through it can explain it way better than I.

nESRE

I undertand plan A, problem is she is on the other side of the world. Showing of the new and improved me and attempting to meet her needs from here is extremly dificult

UL8

I went back and skimmed through all the posts and even though I am not military the common theme has been to get WW's command involved. I usually don't post to military since they operate on rules I am not familiar with.

ML told you right from the start it would be impossible to plan A.

I would go along with the others here who have told you to expose to command. That may be the only way to shock her back to some sense of reality.

I don't know that WW saying I won' t fight you for custody of the kids carries much weight. I believe it would also be a shock to her if you really tried to get something agreed to. Then she would know D may be one step away.

Something you need to know about a wayward in general is we don't really say what we mean and don't really mean what we say when in an active affair. We will always keep you gusessing and off balance so there are options in every direction we can move should it be to our selfish advantage....Its a game of getting our needs met in two different worlds. The M'd one that is safe secure and warm and the single world that pumps our brains full of the endorphines which fuels that new in love feeling. Its extremely hard to break that desire for the new in love feeling.

I feel for you. Plan A will not work simply because of the physical diatance and duration of time apart.

As I see it now you have 4 options

Do nothing-and nothing changes

Expose as others have suggested staying with very limited Plan A. This may at least on her end get someone there on your side who has the ability to change the situation somewhat.

Read what Dr. H said about exposure in the last sentance of that little quote I posted to you. Think about the direction almost every poster has pointed you in. Do you really want a shot at least to try and save your M?

Plan for Plan B-Write your draft Plan B and post it here for others to critique.

File for D or seperation. I really feel if you file you will not find her so eager to just hand over custody.

Sorry I don't have the answers. I wish you well and will pray for your family.

nESRE

Contact the radio show and ask DrH what option is best for you. It isn't impossible to Plan A from afar, but it is a lot harder to accomplish. There have been a few people who have attempted it in the last little while, Woot, Smileygurl, etc. Maybe you could read their threads and get some ideas as well.

other night i got her to admit to sleeping with this other married man on facebook.

(hello screenshot )

She also told me his wife knows, he sleeps around, he stays with her for the kids and i think she stays with him for the support (forgnie marriage of convenience )

(Hello government fraud? )

I will be meeting with ww old superior to ask for help with exposure to command today. Don't know if she will "be on my side"

But at least i know i have done everything possible.

After you funnel ALL your energies into exposure, turn them to evaluating WW's top EN's. How can you temporarily meet them via email?

For example, if Family Commitment is one, you can have the occasional video conference with her and the kids, where you're interacting well with them and taking care of them. Conversation can be carried out via chat and instant messenger. Etc. It's important to meet these EN's without expecting a positive response from her.

But most importantly, carry out your plan to expose to her command.

I decided to hit her with some relizm. I asked her for a power of attorney, so i could rent a place for me and the kids. She asked me to send her her SSC.

Couple days later i called her and told her to forget it. That i wasn't going to give up on us. I feel like both of us are on the fence and one of us needed to make a move. She was taken back, said she couldn't promise anything. But she was going to change her name back, that is why she wanted the SSC

Next day she called 3 times, just to talk to me (not the kids). Nothing seriosres just good converation.

She called a day or 2 later and i asked if she was doing what she said she would. (Not seeing the guy) She said, way to ruin a good conversation, no, and i lost it.
Called her every name in the book, and smashed my phone.

She sent a message about how she doesn't love me. It doesn't matter if i forgive her she can't forgive me. It's not about him, she will only be with him for another few months and she knows that. Because she don't love me she can't be with me. If she did she wouldn't have cheated on me

Then she lashes out in anger, guess we are done talking, i'll get power of attorney tomorrow

Later writes back. I would stay for the kids, i love them and would give up my happiness for them. if i cut contact with OM period and did that would you want me to stay knowing it was just for the kids. Seriosly

Told her i needed time to think. She put herself into plan B and said we will not talk till i come home (she is coming home in 3 weeks for 1 week).

She's screwing around on me and I'm begging her to come back. She says she doesn't love me. She is threatening divorce. Is there any hope or is she really gone.?

Do i toss out an olive branch (since she went into plan b, not me? And she went into it on bad terms (me trashing her)

Do i continue the plan B for a few weeks then try plan A for the week she is home?

I don't know what to do.

Unloved,

I am not sure why you are asking these questions. You have not followed any of the previous advice that was according to MB principles.

AM

Thing i didn't do is expose to command.

If i may quote you from another thread


I want nothing more then to save my marriage. However my wife's career is the only thing we have.

If a WS says it's over, and they know they will not be with om in a few months. Is it still the fog, or are they really done?

I told her old first shirt about the affair today. He is going to get in touch with hers and get back to me to me next week, due to time changes and obligations.

Is it weird that he didn't ask for om name? Or any of the evidence i have?(armymama)

He said he was going to also go with the drinking, excess spending, overall change in general so they don't just think "Adultery, oh well" And get her some counseling.

So even though i'm going to file for the D and my ws is trilled
she is still lying to me. Telling me this is the first time (i discovered it's not).

I just don't get it. Nothing to lose and still lying

Well, geez, Unloved. What did you expect to happen? You haven't followed any plan as laid out here for you, and you post every now and then with "Eeyore" comments and actions.

Most posts here make my adreneline kick in out of anger, joy and everywhere in between.

Yours? Your posts make sleepy and irritated. Wonder if that's how your are as a person? Have you got any fight in you at all?

You said that you just don't get it. Right? Well, I don't get YOU. I don't get you, your purpose, your goal or your motivation.