I am only 2 years in marriage, no children and 7 years in a relationship with my husband before the marriage. Three months ago I found out a skype conversation with another girl. It was obvious that they had something a 1,5 year before the marriage and they stayed in touch. First he did't confest the affair, then he said one version and then he told another one when I started to look for more answers. I thaught we had the greatest love ever, he never showed that we had problems and he was always so nice with me. I was shocked! First, I am no sure he is telling the whole truth about his affair and second, I am not sure I should stay with him. He betrayed our love.

The first and very necessary step you should take is to secretly install a keylogger program on your computer, reporting to your user ID.

Asking a wayward anything is a blatant waste of oxygen, and actually will work against your interests as it will put him on his guard.

I have his passwords. They stopped any communication I am sure. From the conversations I've read, they had something and stopped three years ago. But I want to know what exactly he had with that girl- relationship, one night stand, what was he thinking. We talked a lot. But he said few different versions of what happened so I am not sure any more. The only guilt he feels is only sleeping with her once (as he says). The skype conversation and seeing with her on a day coffee break he didn't find it serious. I don't trust him although he says that that is the whole truth. I know he is sorry, but he hurt me so much. We don't have children, so I am thinking that maybe we shouldn't stay together. And I must say that I put my pride before my love because It's so difficult to accept that he thaught of any other girl when we had no problems in our relathionship. His explanation is that he wasn't thinking of the consequences, it was a moment and he was so sure that he had me for whole life so he took the chance. He was sorry afterwards, so tried to convince the girl not to tell anyone, but they continued skype communication. When I read their conversation he doesn't look like him at all. Sort of parallel world where he can be what he is not. I love him but I am not sure he deserves a chance especially if he is not completely honest about that affair (although it happened 3 years ago). However he is beging me to stay, also spoke with my parents that he made a mistake and he doesn't want me to leave.

Hi butterfly, welcome to Marriage Builders. Did you read neverguessed's post?

I am reading them now. Why? Any advice?

My advice would be to follow his advice. Put a key logger on your husbands computer and see what he is doing. Then make a decision.

You've been married 2 years, but the ONS happened 3 years ago? Is he still in contact with the woman? If he's no longer in contact with her, and the relationship was prior to your marriage, then it's not technically an affair.

If you feel hurt that he had another relationship while he was also dating you, then it's something you definitely need to discuss with him and explain your EN for honesty and openness.

It's also a good time for the two of you to read the basic MB concepts

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_summary.html

and to discuss your individual emotional needs

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html

There's a wealth of information on the website that will help both you and your husband develop behaviors that will make your marriage better and stronger. Take the site tour and it well help you on your way.

Dr. Harley has published a number of books which you can order from the bookstore on this site. Online coursework, marital coaching, and a daily radio show are additional resources you may wish to utilize. And, of course, there is this forum of peers to offer additional support.

You CAN make your marriage better and stronger. Don't give up.

I'll take this one.

Butterfly, its a bitter pill, but all of us are wired to think this wasnt a one-time thing. We are also here to give you the brutal honesty so you can be protected going forward.

The steps in the books and relayed here are time-tested and proven. They dont guarantee a successful marriage recovery but help you make the right steps towards that end. What is seldom mentioned but I found true is that the MB technique helps you regain some of the dignity us Betrayed Spouses lose.

Know this, he lied to you for years and is cornered so to speak, follow the program and demand truth.

Good luck and listen to the others as they guide.

I want to know what exactly he had with that girl...different versions of what happened so I am not sure any more...I don't trust him...he hurt me so much...not sure he deserves a chance especially if he is not completely honest

Each of these sentiments are PRECISELY what the folks here have gone through before you, and we are here to help. Let us.

Install the keylogger program. Within a very short time, you'll know if he is finally telling you the truth (and the whole story), or if his affair with the lady in question is still active.

If the first, you will find a starting point where you may or may not choose to seek a reconciliation with your WH. If the second, you'll know you have a different decision to make, about whether to FIGHT for your marriage, or toss him out.

Knowledge is power.