There's a progression to the disintegration of my marriage; I'll try to explain:

Up until March we had a solid 11-year marriage, love each other, best friends.

In March, my husband re-connected with some old friends via Facebook. These are the people who helped to keep my husband drunk or high or unemployed the 6 years we dated. We moved a 7-hour drive away when we married, and they were not very much in his life since then, but now he talks to them constantly online, almost like addicted to chatting. Much to my surprise he starts telling me he's (always been) unhappy living where we do.

In May, my husband insisted we visit our hometowns so he can hang out with these friends. We did, and when we get back he turns up the pressure about moving back there. He doesn't really portray it like we'd move together, he says things like he needs room and this is something he must do alone, that he's got to get away to "fix" himself, whatever that means. I try to treat him as if I'm understanding what he's said but I am so bewildered.

By June my husband has become very cold toward me. He largely ignores me, has a short temper, is beginning to use profanity, quits going to church, quits wearing his wedding band and has even quit talking to his and our church friends unless he absolutely has to for some reason he cannot avoid. He starts watching programs and reading books recommended by his friends, which are so dirty and blasphemous I can barely be in the same room when he watches tv. Some of these shows are ones we've even said before we'd never watch, due to the content, but now he finds them hilarious. He starts not only listening to vile rock music but blasts it in our home so I have to listen to it as well. By this time he has also moved out of our bed and onto the living room couch. He tells me that he is going for another visit to see his hometown friends again and I ask to go but he says that he wants this time to go on his own. That was the first time he'd ever done that! I noticed he had also began talking about all the guys he knew who were looking to split up with their wives. I guess it made it seem like a fact of life to him rather than a tragedy. He started to look for ways to avoid being home with me on weekends and one Saturday a friend called him. He hadn't seen him in over a year, and he went to his house. This is one of the friends who is separating from his wife. The friend has two children; my husband renews his interest in them. He starts doing activities with them he used to do w/me.

July comes and he goes on his trip but before leaving he goes into a tirade about how things will be different when he comes back, how he is going to talk how he wants and go where he wants and if he wants to come home at 3 a.m. he will and he doesn't want to hear anything from me about it. He ranted this way for at least an hour, being as vulgar as he could about it all.

So here we are in August and things have been so hard, I've been crying nearly every day and some days several times. My husband seems to now hate things he used to love about me. My husband has become completely different so quickly and has headed off in an opposite direction from me. To me this looks like an unfixable issue. Earlier in the month he told me he thinks we should separate and though he has not left yet he took another trip to his hometown this week and looked for work so he could stay there.

I'm new to this forum but from the other posts I've read, they sound so similar to what I have experienced, the sudden change into an entirely different personality, unexplained fits of anger that seem to come out of nowhere, the way he is able to re-write history or reality in his mind when he'll say something to me or tell someone else something that's completely untrue, didn't happen the way he said at all and I know he knows it, but he'll say it anyway as if it is the truth! I've been going through the thoughts that if I were to change into a better wife, he would change back and finally be happy again but I sense it's just a mental trap I should avoid.

Hi. Have you snooped? Keylogger on the computer (eblaster is good), voice recorder in the car, GPS, etc? If he is having an affair, that is what should be eliminated first.

Is he doing drugs again? A love affair with drugs can appear similar to any other affair.

Divorce is oddly contagious, and it sounds like your H has fallen into the trap of believing his friends. I'm sure they are all bolstering themselves by bragging about how great it is to be single again, glad to be rid of the old hag, gonna get lots of hot young chicks, etc...it's all lies.

Hang in there, and snoop your butt off. Don't confront him if you find anything, come here and the vets will guide you on what to do next.

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He starts watching programs and reading books recommended by his friends, which are so dirty and blasphemous I can barely be in the same room when he watches tv. Some of these shows are ones we've even said before we'd never watch, due to the content, but now he finds them hilarious. He starts not only listening to vile rock music but blasts it in our home so I have to listen to it as well

While you do what CWMI recommended and actively look for signs of a possible affair, why don't we talk about what you've written above. Have you read the Love Busters and emotional needs sections? Probably best to read those first before we talk about the state of your marriage and how you treat your husband.

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OK I'm back with a little more info. I heard my H on his cell phone with a friend and it sounded like he made a reference to marijuana although I couldn't be sure. I just got back Sunday from a 10-day trip to visit family and friends. I don't drink and H doesn't drink anymore BUT in the fridge I found a bottle of beer, "hidden" in the back of a drawer where I guess he had thought I wouldn't see it. He did drink in his youth and it's a problem he used to tell me he was glad to have gotten rid of so this concerns me a great deal. He is young-acting nowadays.