Divorce is coming, no doubts about it. Now the big question is where do i go from here. Wife is military so there is no family house (or much of a community for that matter).

Go "home" to where i grew up. Have some family support (emotionally but nothing else). It's a dying city in the "rust belt" Economy is crap (and allays has been even before the recession). Don't like the area, left as soon as i could at 18.

Go back to Florida. Where we wanted to raise the kids,a place i love, where even as things are tight there is always the beach,fishing and sun to keep my spirits up.

In ether event i will be starting from scratch. Finding a job/ building up my career (trained to work in a self directed luxury service) and finding housing.

advice/ suggestions?

Where will your kids be?

kids are staying with me. To be honest with some of the outrageous behavior i had thought about going for full custody.

Unloved,

Go wherever you can make a good living and be happy. And yes, go for full custody. Find out the state's residency requirements for divorce. For example, in my state, you must live here for 12 months before you can divorce.

Did you ever hear back from the military or was your wife able to squirm her way out of trouble? Interesting that the first Srgt did not ask name of OM. He already knew?

AM

Full Custody and seek child support.

Let her keep Tricare for all their medical, dental, eye, and whatever Tricare doesn't cover will come out of her pocket.

Go where you have support, a job, and you can make the lives of your children happy.

The first, first Sgt i spoke with didn't ask for the name because my wifes old supervisor (and friend) at this base spoke with him, and down played the situation (I don't have actual legal proof, but i know she did)

However in in effort to get revenge, my wife cut the children and off from money. I told her not to, when i was trying to fix the marriage, that i was going to look very bad on her.She did it anyway. So payday came and there was no money in the account. This time there was an acting first shirt, the other one was on leave, and he wanted all the info he could get. Even told me if i went home to find the money in the account that day it needed to be reported based on her history of mismanaging the finances.

She has a no contact order.

If your wife is drawing a housing allowance and has stopped supporting the family she is in violation of the UCMJ.

Don't keep contacting her unit, start contacting the JAG office on the base where she is stationed.

Got some bad stuff on the ws.

After getting a no contact order for the affair she has gone on 2 have 2 more.

Maybe i'm being "vindictive" as she would see it but i don't think a women who would continually risk her career. Her childrens stability has there best interest in mind. A women who gets so drunk she cant remember things she did with other men. Doesn't seem like a good mother to me.

All my proff was taken 2nd hand (her personal conversations with others.)
My lawyer is out of town on vacation, so i thought i would see others had any any experience with this?

Why come here when you don't follow good advice?

Call the JAG

Already turned her in for that. She changed it back the next day after getting her butt chewed. That has been settled.

Turned her into who?

Have you reported affair to JAG.

Turned into commander.

Commanders determine if there will be prosecution by JAG.
She was given a no contact order which i know she is breaking, but my evidence is not the best

Get some better evidence, maybe hire a PI?

She is in a another country.

I do have someone i "know" through the internet who happens to be about 3 hours away, offer to see what they could do.

Don't know if it will happen, but that's all i have right now

BTW guy number 2 doesn't know about guy number 3 or 4.

Do i tell him to stir the pot or forget it?

The only motivation you should have is, What do I need to do to protect my kids and get the divorce done.

I would not waste effort on stirring the pot. If anything at this point you want her feeling free to screw up and you should be doing everything you can to get the evidence you need for your case.

You will feel better if you have a plan and stick to it.

Not sure where you are in the process but I would

Get a lawyer

file

get a war chest going.... that's everything a judge might use to help decide the case and He with the most paper wins!!!!

I you want sole custody you will have to have compelling evidence for the court to rule on


If all she is doing is playing around away from the kids and drinking some that will not be enough it will have to be something that directly endangers the kids

The world is full of bad parents, it's not until the kids are at serious risk that the court will respond.

So as bad as it is all you can do is fight as best you can and give the court a compelling reason to at least make you the custodial parent.

What if her playing around s in direct violation of military orders, that if found out would result in her career ending and her children being on the streets?

If her career ends, it was her own fault. SHE is the one monkeying around. And she wouldn't let the kids get on the streets. She'd find a job.

I think having irrefutable proof of that would be useful as leverage to get the custody that you want, but I don't see a civil court taking your WW's kids away from her just because she is stupid and can't follow orders.

The standard of conduct out side the military is on a whole different level and right or wrong the UCMJ will not be a factor in the D.......

I would think the options thru with the consequences for each

If you play hardball with her on the conduct and she chooses to fight for custody in spite the potential loss of her career you loose her income to support the kids.

The one thing you have is the Military is good about docking pay to support the kids, as long as she is active duty it is the best you could hope for in terms support for you taking care of the kids.

As bad as it sounds it is all about the money. It should be all about the kids, because in the end they are the ones that suffer the most.

Take the high road,

Use her mistakes to help you protect the kids.

so i've been sweating this fresh start, based on the timing.

2 months lose home,graduate school
3 months test for license
4 months get results able to work

Now the wife is suggesting we stay married and she stays gone another year. Gives me time to build up work here, or the ability to move elsewhere and build up there. Since i would still get the benefits, for that year. It would give me a HUGE jumpstart.


Puts me at 9 years, 1 shy of 50% retirement but don't think i could stretch divorce out that long.

Financial it would be best. No doubt about it. However emotionally i worry, even with her just making the suggestion a part of me thinks, "maybe we could save it" maybe she's not the horrible monster i think she is, maybe there is hope.

Am i pathetic?