Not sure what you're basing this on, Fred? Why do you think you're not good relationship material? Hope you're not basing that conclusion about yourself because of what happened with DG. She just wasn't the right person for you and based on what you've been through with your ex- I'd consider that a nice gift from God for looking out for you!

You know, it's your choice to pull out of dating and as I'm sure you've heard before- when people go about living their lives happily without 'looking' is exactly when the the right person seems to show up.

Okay, you folks have got me thinking again. Keep it up!

When I say I'm not "good relationship material," maybe I should qualify that with "right now."

Another qualifier should go back to my first post on this thread: I am not skilled ("talented," "practiced," or what-have-you) at beginning relationships. As a result, when I find myself getting comfortable in a relationship, I tend to want to stay in that relationship. Before things went wacko with The Leopard, my approach to our relationship was pretty much like many other mens' stories I read here: I avoided conflict, stuffed my own feelings, sacrificed my ENs to meet hers, etc.

I've learned an awful lot since I got here. Dr Harley's books are perhaps the most profound works I've read since I first laid hands on the A.A. Big Book. But, just as it's taken me years to adopt and absorb the principles in that volume, it's now apparent to me that it's going to take a while to incorporate Dr. H.'s principles into my life.

Maybe I was trying to force things with DG. The message I got about Church Lady was loud and clear: she's found someone else. The message I've gotten from DG is that she doesn't want someone else. At least not me. I may be confused and woefully ignorant about such things, but I'm not stupid!

Ah well as soon as I saw this post I was happy that you said, "Right now at least", but then you said your not good relationship material, see thats what I have a problem with. The rest of us too I think.

I do not feel like good romantic relationship material, because of what I beleive I need to do in life before I get into a romantic relationship again. Which is what we are talking about here on this board and thread, so its assumed thats what you mean.

But its just my personal feelings, and I have what it takes when I am ready, and I know I don't want one really, at least not a seriuos one. I am though leaving it open and if I ever decide to in the future I will do it right. I am sure I will go through a lot of adjustments, it been 26 years.

From everything I see in you you do things right, are considerate, and careful and thoughtful, hence you are good "Material", but you are not feeling like dating right now, I would say you don't feel like it, so you "don't feel like dating".

So thats where you are, just don't think you are "not good material". Your driving that bus, you set the pace for you. Just don't say blanket crap like your "not good material" and expect us to buy it, even those of us who can read between the lines.

Wow what will you guys do to me when I start dating and come here and be honest Lol.

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I've been reading your threads, and I rejoice that some of you are finding new relationships. I just don't feel that I'm in that ballpark now. Maybe ever. Who knows?

Fred, perhaps you ought to stop thinking like you are searching for a relationship and let go of any expectations. It's quite alright to just have a friendship without it going any further than that.

You're not on any kind of an internal timetable, are you? Just because it doesn't work with one person doesn't mean it won't with another sometime in the future.

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It's just that I don't think I really have it in me to show someone that I'm a "good guy," a good catch, or what-have-you.

But you have nothing to prove to anyone, Fred. A date is a date, you're not interviewing for a job nor trying to impress upon someone that you're marriage material. You'll scare women away by doing that.

When I say I need to get home and walk my dog, it's because I need to get home and walk my dog! I don't like having my dog cooped up in a pen so much and walk him twice a day (he's high energy) and he's used to our routine.

I think the best way to know what she wants is through your own intuition and through the continual way things are going. If you find her seeming to beg off or make excuses or not initiating with you, then it shows lack of interest. But that is no deficiency in you, it just is what it is...I wouldn't even waste my time wondering about it, just continue to date others and have fun!

This is exactly what I thought when I read his post about her saying that.

I know the guys here feel she is not interested, but I am not convinced. I think she is the type who is cautious.


Regardless, she sounds like a good friend ! Fun to be around.

Well, that was quick.

The announcement came today. I already signed up to be a judge at the "iron chef" contest. I sent DG a link to the announcement/registration page. What she does with it is up to her.

Once again, I want to thank everyone for posting to my thread. The experiences of folks here is unparalleled to friends I have "in real life" (whatever that means). When you grow up in an emotionally isolated family environment, it's pretty easy to convince yourself of a lot of (unhealthy) things. Even at my advanced age, the process of self-discovery is ongoing.

FRED

Post quake please REPORT in !!!!!!!!

It just shook my entire home. My kids and I are still shaking. We are 30 miles north of Mineral. My shelves are all knocked over and all we did was wish our WH was here for us.

In 2008 our home was hit with an F2 tornado and we had Hurricane Izzy in 2003.

We just need a volcano and I think I will have experienced it all.

I just pray my WH who is working in DC may get a glimmer of hope to come home and make his wife and kids feel safe!!!

In Jesus Name - Amen

Tough~

(((( Tough ))))

As a native Californian , I totally get how quakes can shake you up.

Yeah Fred tell us whats up.. I live north of you and we felt it too here in Balimer..

Guess it was felt all the way up in.."New York City..", is the rumor.

Tough hope you guys are OK

Yes, please let us know how you are!

ITL is much closer to the epicenter than I. I am about 80 miles away.

I was at work (yes, I now have a part-time job!) when the building there began to shake and rumble. My first thought was that a large jet might have crashed at nearby Dulles Airport. Fortunately, my fears weren't realized.

Returning home at about 4:30, I found one work of art had been shook loose from the wall (a heavy piece of ceramic that, I'm afraid, will not make it back up on the wall) and some odds and ends tossed off my office bookshelves (my twenty year chip, of all things! ).

From what I've gleaned from news reports, the quake measured 5.8 on the Richter Scale, was felt from South Carolina to Canada, and was the largest on the east coast since 1897.

I've heard and seen some damage reports on the TV, but no one was seriously injured. Some cars were damaged by bricks falling off buildings, and (of course) Congress was evacuated -- because we don't want all those highly-valued people being in any sort of harm's way except the voting booth.

People are still sitting outside at Starbucks, sipping their overpriced sewer water (sorry, Starbucks lovers, I can't stand the stuff), it is a gorgeous, sunny, 82� day, and people who were in their cars at the time missed the entire experience!

All's well in this little corner of the world. Thanks for your concern!

I just realized I posted on Fred's thread. Sorry Fred. I thought I was on other topics when I saw QUAKE.


Tough~

I'm in the NW corner of VA...and I was half-asleep at the time of the quake. My first thought was what the h*@$ kind of a truck was going down the road.

It went on for a few seconds and...well, not that bad.

Maybe after this some of our buildings will be fitted to sway, or whatever it is the West Coasters do to their buildings.

/TJ

By the way Pep, you might enjoy learning that the manager of one of the stores I'm working at is a rabid Beatles fan, and has an iPod full of their songs on random rotation that plays throughout the day.

Every day.

No apology needed, tough. Your post was right on topic and right where it should have been, if you ask me.

I hope you and yours are well after the quake. You got hit harder than we did.

Fred, congratulations on the job! I hope to be stating the same thing one of these days.
I love the tidbit about the Beatles, esp the comment EVERY DAY. That says it all...sorry!

I am hoping and praying for you, KayC.

You know what's funny (in a sad, pathetic kind of way)?

I'd be making more money if I just claimed unemployment compensation.

But doing so would play havoc with my sense of self worth.

Besides, it's only part-time, until I land something in line with my skills and goals.

Good luck with the job hunt as well as with your recovery!