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Joined: Aug 2011
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I found out 3 weeks ago about my wifes EA. I have done all the usual things as far as cutting all contact but a the keyboard tracker I placed on her computer shows that she is still in contact. And the things she is saying hurt me so deeply that I just want to let her go. I just don't see how she is ever going to get over this guy. Does anyone have any advice where I should go from hear

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Here you go!

NEVERGUESSED'S BETRAYED HUSBAND SURVIVAL KIT

1- KEEP ALL THESE ARRANGEMENTS SECRET FROM YOUR WAYWARD WIFE!
2 Put a keylogger on any computer you can access that she might use.
3 Put Flexispy on any cellphone that she might use.
4 Put a GPS on her car, reporting to your computer.
5 Put a VAR in her car, and in any room she might use to take personal calls
6 Get a mini-audio-recorder, and have it in your possession and on whenever in her presence.
7 Put together an e-address list of anyone who might have influence on her parents, siblings (sisters, especially), coworkers, college friends, clergy, hairdresser, anyone.
8 Put together a similar list for the POSOM.
WHEN YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE,
9 Put together the electronic evidence for each AP.
10 - Write a cover note for your wifes contacts, to the tune of: I must unhappily inform you that my wife, XXXXXX, is carrying on an illicit affair with YYYYYY. I am hoping to recover our marriage, and ask if you have any influence over her, to urge her to abandon her cheating lifestyle and return to me and our family. Her cell number is 111-222-3333
11 Write a similar note to POSOMs contacts.
12 Send out both packages, to all contacts at one time.
13 Brace yourself.

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Is the OM married? How long married? Children?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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No the OM is not married. This is another scripted internet affair. The OM is someone she dated briefly 25 years ago. He is divorced with 1 young girl.Our children are grown and on there own. I suspect he was lonely and memories of her came to him so he found her through the internet and the all to familiar script goes from there. He lives in another state so at least I have that so far only phone sex. Did I say only.
I have told this guy to back off. He said f..k you he will not go away. I know he works for Service Magic and I told my wife I would do everything in my power to destroy his life if I learned that there was any more contact with this guy. The hard part is that she has such a deep emotional connection (they planned to get married) that she is consumed by thought of him. I can monitor her behavior but I can not control her thoughts. Any advise on what it is going to take. I am following the marriage builder advice with all my heart and effort as far as her needs and love busters go. I guess I will hope that I can win her back.

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H, how do you know this guy is not married? Have you verified that independently? And does he have a facebook page?

My suggestion would be to expose the affair. Having your kids and family members speak to her about the affair will give her second thoughts and ruin the fantasy aspect. Affairs thrive on secrecy, so exposure can often effectively kill the affair. I would make a list of close family and friends - especially your children - and call them up. Tell them about the affair and ask them to use their influence to persuade your wife to end her affair.

In affairs that involve a wayward wife, another very effective exposure is to the OM's family and friends. That destroys her fantasy about joining his family when they know this is nothing more than a sleazy affair. I would see if the OM has a facebook page and contact his parents and other family and friends. Tell them about the affair and ask them use their influence to persuade this scumbag to leave your wife alone.

This exposure should all be done on the same day to get the maximum effect. It is the most potent weapon there is against an affair.

Are you sure they have not consummated this affair in person? I find it hard to believe that has not happened if they have a plan to get married.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: HopefullOne
The hard part is that she has such a deep emotional connection (they planned to get married) that she is consumed by thought of him.


This describes 99.999% of affairs.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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You know I am not really sure. I assumed that because he was in a different state and I have far knowledge of my wifes where abouts
that that had not happened yet.

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Originally Posted By: HopefullOne
You know I am not really sure. I assumed that because he was in a different state and I have far knowledge of my wifes where abouts
that that had not happened yet.
Being in another state means a simple bus or plane ride. A PA could easily happen in the course of an afternoon, I'm sorry to say.

What kind of email address do he have? Does it appear to be a work email? If it does, he may be in violation of his company's email policy. You can use that to expose this to his workplace.

I'm sorry you had to find your way here, HopefullOne, but you've come to the right place for help.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Originally Posted By: HopefullOne
You know I am not really sure. I assumed that because he was in a different state and I have far knowledge of my wifes where abouts
that that had not happened yet.


Here's a bit of advice - never discount a prev lover's influence in your wife's mind.

Some research has been done on this subject - very painful results when lost lovers have met before either one was free to do so. I have recently lived through some of this/

**EDIT**

Last edited by Fireproof; 08/29/11 08:01 AM. Reason: removing link to other website

Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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Originally Posted By: HopefullOne

I have told this guy to back off. He said f..k you he will not go away.


I think you need a more heart to heart talk.

Take someone with you that will stop you from killing him.


BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,921
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The top advice you will receive on ending this involves exposure. Without exposure you will get nowhere.

Your kids are grown, so they will be a huge source of pressure on her. That, combined with exposing to the rest of your family and exposing to his side will get you far in terms of killing this thing. Find out if hes married before you do anything and then take your steps to expose.


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